EAC: Father died

Seasidelass - I was physically and emotionally abused by my mother. Emotionally neglected by both mother and father. Scapegoated and ostracised all my life until 2 years ago when I gave up trying after he lied and betrayed me.

Madgran - Lovely message that I have taken to heart. Thank you.

and again, thanks all. It helps a lot.

Deeda - It's interesting what you say that the most abused were the most homesick. I believe it's called Trauma bonding. Yes, I think you have hit on something there about my reaction to being estranged.

There was a constant fight to get attention in my family. I gave that up quite early but some of the conditioning never fades. Always trying to please them.

I am so sorry to know what you have been through Shelbel. A small word I know for such suffering but said with sincerity.

I think Deeda hit the nail on the head too.

I know some people think "oh well, you've estranged so you got what you wanted" but it's one of the hardest things that I have ever done in my life. Even while I felt relieved and my life improved in so many ways, the loss of ever being "seen" and loved by my mother was staggering.

It's the only kind of loss I've ever come accross that is ultimately beneficial but when a good person estranges they feel all the guilt that comes with it because of this ideal that has never existed.

So sorry to hear this Shelbel estrangement sucks . You look after yourself.