Harry: "I want my Father back. I want my brother back"

You know, different strokes for different folks I guess.

I have an aunt whom I love dearly. My mother’s sister who is like a second mother to us, and my mother to her children.

One of my cousins does not speak with my aunt. It’s been three years.

But she is a dignified woman. She didn’t go around trying to assassinate the character of her son on the internet or with family and friends. She keeps a dignified silence on the matter. She is a decent woman to say the least.

She doesn’t scream her victimhood, as Harry has been accused of. Doesn’t cry about how wronged she is daily. Doesn’t have a woe is me mentally.

You would never catch her on the internet raving angrily and obsessively about her son.

Dignified.

Doesn’t blame her DIL like a typical MIL. She has true perspective and wisdom. So many could learn from her.

Dignified. Doesn’t air her dirty laundry on any platform.

Strong.

Gets on with her live. Sucks it up. Moved on.

Dignified.

It’s a shame there are not more of her.

Dignified

Good word.
There is no dignity in what Harry has written.

He's embarrassed himself with some of his revelations.

Ps do your cousin and aunt know you're telling their story on the internet?
It's not your story to tell, surely? It's theirs and, as you say, your aunt Doesn’t air her dirty laundry on any platform.

I'm going to have to make a cup of tea for that comment rgallina

Who is slagging them off? Who is assigning blame? Interesting that these distinctions are lost…

VS, let me preemptively state that that comment was not directed at you. Speaking of one’s abuse is not the same as obsessively whining about a relationship someone else chose to walk away from. It is good that abuse victims are able to speak on their experiences. But I do not link said behavior with someone angry and bitter about a failed relationship who obsesses over it. That person is no more mentally healthy to me than the someone who does it in person.

Please point to the dirty laundry. Pointing out that two people don’t have a relationship is dirty laundry? Oh my how the goal posts move.

Estrangement is sad, I'm sincerely more interested in how it's prevented and/or reconciled

My mother's trauma is similar to mine so why am I different to her? Why do I not need an emotional punchbag or someone to project my negative feelings on to?

Why when a punch bag is taken away do people look for another even anonymously?

It's certainly interesting

But broken families is not the long term goal so I feel it matters to talk about how and why that happens... as well as yes, trauma sadly because that has a life long impact in some ways but definitely does not mean those who are experienced cannot speak about it objectively

Rosie51

^Excuses, excuses. Providing excuses
For current abuses is just?
Two wrongs make a right?^

This rang a very loud bell with me! I have a very dear friend who was sexually abused by her father from a young age. To this day she cannot wear lipstick because he always applied it to her before the abuse. She found out he was abused by his father, but made a conscious decision that the abuse stopped with her. Her children were raised in safety and love. Harry could equally decide that "wrongs" stop with him, a new day, a new life, start with a clean slate. But I suspect nothing will ever be enough, no apology would satisfy him, he needs to be a victim. It's very sad, unless he lets go he will never be free. Diana was not the saint he envisages her to be, perhaps he can't risk the shattering of his ideation.

Yes, some people seem to thrive on permanent victimhood. God knows why.🙄

I'm not really into the RF, as I find them pointless really, but, out of all of them, Harry seemed the most likeable and down to earth.

However, that has changed recently, and although everyone has the absolute right to tell their story, to continue to whinge and moan about so much, most of it trivia, will bore people in the end, and they will stop listening.

I get that it's all about the Heir, because that's the system, but Harry has freedoms William will never enjoy.

So, if Harry really thinks his childhood was this awful, he has the best of opportunities to make the future different.

He has a lot of wealth, great contacts, two lovely kids, a wife he adores, and a gorgeous home in a lovely place. He's thousands of miles away from the family he considers so toxic.

He can bring his children up in a completely different way, find his niche for living his life, and be happy.

I think he needs to stop with all the therapy now - it's patently, and publicly, not working for him at all.😗

Why do people look for another punching bag, even anonymously?

Now that’s both an astute observation and poignant question.

Curious as to whether the bitterness from the in-person punching bag’s removal, for example a DIL, necessitates an online one. Seems very plausible. Imagine hating someone so much, and they won’t give you the time of day anymore. You can’t see them, don’t hear from them, yet they’ve made a home in your head. But you are powerless to get to her or drive a wedge between her and her nuclear family because they put space between you. I imagine said hatred needs an outlet. Meghan seems to be one. I mean, people who have never been close enough to smell her perfume somehow know the extent of her love for her children. They know her motivations, her heart, her mind. I suppose she is one perfect mark for those without coping skills. Personally could never imagine caring so much about someone who didn’t know I existed. Makes me smile when I see good things come to her.

People who have learned they can wind a person up to a self destruction level either, in an online bite back, in a severed relationship or a very public blow up in the media...

Generally don't stop trying to push those buttons

Those buttons can be uninstalled over time... I hope that happens for Harry but it also means he will have stopped caring about them when it does

That's when we will likely see evidence of button pushing going on and the real culprits actually reveal themselves in desperation to get a response

So true VS. And contrary to popular (insular) gransnet opinion, the thousands of eyes who read but don’t comment see this too. The site thrives from traffic, not comments from the 10 people who post here. So many see, even if we don’t post. It’s good you have removed the button. It frustrates bullies

Rgallina

Please point to the dirty laundry. Pointing out that two people don’t have a relationship is dirty laundry? Oh my how the goal posts move.

Dignified. Doesn’t air her dirty laundry on any platform

Um, they were your own words Rgallina?
🤔

Time to leave this thread, it's lost its way, methinks.

on a sunday when the threads are short on 'traffic' there appears the same few names posting and answering each other in annoying ways. why doesn't one or two be the bigger person and withdraw by going to find something else to do?

Again I ask, pointing out that two people don’t speak is airing dirty laundry? Oh, no answer? Thanks.

Before I go,
DiamondLily Sun 15-Jan-23 13:59:22

Good post and relevant to the discussion.

Rgallina

Again I ask, pointing out that two people don’t speak is airing dirty laundry? Oh, no answer? Thanks.

Again:

Dignified. Doesn’t air her dirty laundry on any platform

Um, they were your own words Rgallina?
🤔

I take non-answers as answers . I thought you were leaving?

This seems to have become yet another general estrangement thread, not about Harry and his family at all. Goodbye from me.

I’m confused too.
It was you Rgallina who mentioned ‘dirty laundry’.
Am I missing something?

Germanshepherdsmum

This seems to have become yet another general estrangement thread, not about Harry and his family at all. Goodbye from me.

Quite.

Round and round we go...

FannyCornforth

I’m confused too.
It was you Rgallina who mentioned ‘dirty laundry’.
Am I missing something?

The context is in the comment. Why are you confused about what I said my aunt doesn’t do?

Maybe I missed where my aunt commented here. Here it is I thought I clearly typed, in English, that she’d never air her dirty laundry. I must have written in Russian and just didn’t know that it wasn’t actually what I said. Must work on my English

Apparently, if you mention that two people don’t speak, it is the SAME as one of those parties obsessively slagging each other off online. Who’d have thunk it? You learn something new every day.

You said that your aunt ‘doesn’t air her dirty laundry.’
And then you asked who mentioned ‘dirty laundry’

I’ve read it three times now.
It’s a very quiet day here at Cornforth Mansions…

I asked who mentioned dirty laundry? I don’t see that.

Funny. I distinctly remember asking how mentioning that two people don’t speak is airing dirty laundry—and how that is the same as my aunt not airing her dirty laundry. Silly me. Thank you for telling me what I said. Here it is I thought I was the one who knew my thoughts. You have apparently clarified what I meant! It’s no wonder everyone knows Harry’s mental state! Certified mind readers here