Estranged daughter and my will

Iam64

Wasn’t me GSM though I fear my response might be next.

Nor me. I never have the energy to report posts. 🙂

I have requested that Gransnet reinstate my comments, I should be allowed right of reply to any goading, which is exactly what VS practises on the estrangement threads, at times deliberately setting out to cause distress to estranged parents.

Bridie22

Doesn't make it untrue either!User 138562

I agree that it doesn't.

Actions are really what shows whether there is unconditional love or not. I can see through actions she doesn't love me and a letter after she dies would only reinforce my beliefs even further.

I also think VioletSky gets a lot of unfair personally attacking responses. This is a emotionally charged topic and it stands to reason that her responses would reflect her perspective. Disagreement on a topic about unhealthy parent child relationships should be expected in this context. If you're so offended by her then stop responding. Otherwise you're just as responsible for your own hurt feelings.

There are communities that don't allow the estranged child (and the opposite) to participate but this is one of the only ones with both groups that I have seen.

Yes, I know what the conversation is about, I've been part of this discussion over the course of several days Diamondlily

User138562, I agree this estrangement thread is at times heated, however 1 poster should not have the right to indiscriminately distress others with goading remarks, we should have the right to reply accordingly. VS for some reason seems to be immune from consequences.

Bridie22

User138562, I agree this estrangement thread is at times heated, however 1 poster should not have the right to indiscriminately distress others with goading remarks, we should have the right to reply accordingly. VS for some reason seems to be immune from consequences.

Well, whatever, if your comments didn’t breach GN rules, your comments should be reinstated.

I’m sure they will make the right decision. 🙂🙂

What is goading about saying that leaving a last letter to an estranged child isn't necessarily the right thing to do for you or them?

You all know I think this, I have always thought this, if you address a comment to me I am going to reply honestly?

If you don't want my honest thoughts, just don't talk to me and I will discuss with others instead?

I truly don't understand why this is necessary

I hope they do reinstate your comments Bridie. Telling EP's who post here they are petty, questioning whether or not they love their EAC and suggesting the worse motivations for the decisions they've taken is goading and likely to cause distress.

I'm sorry User that you can see from the way your mother has behaved that she doesn't love you but our ES if he were honest could never make that claim. We always have and always will love him.

VS is responded too based on what she posts. I wouldn't dream of telling her or any other EAC how they should react to being left or not being left an inheritance, or how they should feel about receiving a letter from their EP when they die or what they should do with it.

We all post based on our own experiences and situations. The EAC who do post here are not berated for the decisions they have taken, and that should be extended to EP's.

Someone posting from their own perspective is no excuse for deliberately seeking to antagonise those whose perspective and experience is different.

So what you are saying User 138562, is I should just go away or put up with it, so is it she who shouts the loudest stays?

I sometimes wonder if EAC project their personal situation onto any anonymous EP they can find.
Just because it's easier and they can't off load their feelings on the actual perpetrator.
The same could be the other way around of course.

The difference imho between the two groups, especially here, is the EP are looking for support from people on the same situation.

Whereas the EAC seem to be looking to argue with educate EAP's

Could it be VS that you don't accept other posters Honest comments?

Bridie22

Could it be VS that you don't accept other posters Honest comments?

Which ones?

Namsnanny

I sometimes wonder if EAC project their personal situation onto any anonymous EP they can find.
Just because it's easier and they can't off load their feelings on the actual perpetrator.
The same could be the other way around of course.

The difference imho between the two groups, especially here, is the EP are looking for support from people on the same situation.

Whereas the EAC seem to be looking to argue with educate EAP's

It's a real shame you think that, it will colour your perception of any estranged child unfairly

Most of them VS, im not participating in your game, sort it out yourself.

Not really much I can work with there

I take all comments as honestly given Bridie, so I would need to know which ones you thought I hadn't to either clarify or see where I have made a mistake of some kind

Emotions play a big part though in how we act and react

Namsnanny

I sometimes wonder if EAC project their personal situation onto any anonymous EP they can find.
Just because it's easier and they can't off load their feelings on the actual perpetrator.
The same could be the other way around of course.

The difference imho between the two groups, especially here, is the EP are looking for support from people on the same situation.

Whereas the EAC seem to be looking to argue with educate EAP's

I think this can be part of the problem, although not always.

Many EACs say they are happy, healthy and healed being estranged from their EPs.

All good - but they never appear healthy, happy and healed - many still seem as if they have an axe to grind.

Seems a shame that the estranged are unhappy - but so are many of the estrangers.😗

So do agendas VS in how some act and react.

If you "take all comments as honestly given" then why do you question the motivation behind what some EP's have decided to do? Why accuse them of wanting to have the last word and of being petty?

I agree Namsnanny but it doesn't colour my perception of any EAC unfairly because I know not all of them do it.

Namsnanny

I sometimes wonder if EAC project their personal situation onto any anonymous EP they can find.
Just because it's easier and they can't off load their feelings on the actual perpetrator.
The same could be the other way around of course.

The difference imho between the two groups, especially here, is the EP are looking for support from people on the same situation.

Whereas the EAC seem to be looking to argue with educate EAP's

You’ve hit the nail on the head with this I think.

You only need to read some of the posts here to understand that it’s a game to some.

Personally I find it easy to sort out the genuine posters from the ones who like to play games.

I think debs has a point! 😉

Yes I would change my will. Good luck eith whstever you decide x

So do I Granniesunite but I've never understood why some people like to play games with other people's emotions.

Smileless2012

So do I Granniesunite but I've never understood why some people like to play games with other people's emotions.

No. Nor me. Family relationships can be an emotional minefield, and it’s never right or kind to add to it.

An opinion is fine, but there’s no need to go in to just kick people…especially if you’ve never been in that position.

Sad really. 🙁

Smileless2012

So do agendas VS in how some act and react.

If you "take all comments as honestly given" then why do you question the motivation behind what some EP's have decided to do? Why accuse them of wanting to have the last word and of being petty?

I agree Namsnanny but it doesn't colour my perception of any EAC unfairly because I know not all of them do it.

Intentions do not guarantee outcomes Smileless

I've said that before

First with the grandchildren and now here

The legacy you leave matters and you may inadvertantly damage your own reputation with your own family members which include your grandchildren..

It's about helping you, I don't know any of your family members, I'm trying to help you and others here see that there are other ways the situation can be seen...

Help Smilesless? In what universe do patronising, passive aggressive posts help her or anyone
You’re an expert on your own estrangement Violet, not an expert on estrangement with the skills to ‘help’ others
You say you mean well and I may be wrong but I don’t see goodwill in your posts to smiles

Smileless2012

So do I Granniesunite but I've never understood why some people like to play games with other people's emotions.

My AC ex was a very unhappy person and caused mayhem throughout the marriage and divorce.Years later is still the same unhappy angry person fighting with all who disagree with their point of view. It’s actually sad but these personalities cause so much hurt and pain.

I can hear echos of that unhappiness and anger at times in some posts And I want to say stop and please listen to what is being said not what you think is being said but I do know that would fall on deaf ears.

The world needs more kindness not more anger.

Most EAC replying have already said, those letters are going unopened...

I think it's best they go unsent even just to prevent it being thrown away, your last words to someone.. pretty awful thought really

I really would advise saying it while you are here, or just writing it and not sending it if you need the catharsis of it...

But sending it, whether a simple, I love you or giving them both barrels... I just can't see a good outcome for anyone binned, read, framed on a wall... Whatever happens to it