Putting myself on the chopping block ...

VioletSky

That's exactly what I said Smileless that is what "towards each other" means isn't it.

Another fundamental problem with having the mindset that one person can justify the mistrust of another who comes here seeking help. People react rather than really listen as you just showed yourself.

The sheer determination to misunderstand here. The refusal to listen to any explanation that does not move in line with the readers own thinking or need in the situation.

This is a place of broken things, broken relationships, broken hearts. And if anyone takes the time to listen and understand that other people's needs, boundaries and relationships have nothing to do with anyone else's, they might find a way to fundamentally understand why their own relationship failed... Because that is what matters, not who is at fault or whose side they were on... Why they behaved as they did at any given moment is the answer

Nothing to misunderstand.
All explained on the other site.
"I'm cackling"
"I love putting them in their place".

Sorry, for what reason would anyone need to put a total stranger "in their place"?

MissAdventure

Of course it will be an echo chamber.
Estranged daughters in law gradually growing more accusatory, and mum in laws insisting that everyone's situation is individual. Which is true; not negative.

Hmmm, I wouldn't agree with that analysis

Especially as a person who joined this forum at the lowest point of her life desperate for help and unknowingly unwell having to fight continuously against a series of misunderstandings and negative comments about EAC...

Those defences are long gone now as they aren't needed, I know exactly who I am and that what happened wasn't my fault

I think perhaps one of the advantages to being told everything a stranger believes is wrong about you and reading comments after comment about how your children will learn from you and estrange you one day... Is perhaps the perfect catalyst for eventual healing and personal growth

OP who I have seen give excellent, kind and empathetic advice on a few occasions now may be one of those who would only find such a springboard an advantage... Let's not trample potential for comments they thought they were making in a place it was thought safe to vent... Exactly why I stay away from the support thread... Because people make all sorts of sweeping, generalised, hurtful comments about EAC there and I know that is something they need to work through... Maybe they won't but it's always a possibility for anyone if that is what they want for themselves

OK. Lol.

Not just strangers MissA, specifically EP's, EGP's and m's.i.l.

As far as the purpose of this thread is concerned, there has been no misunderstanding. The OP's motives have been made clear by her posts on another site.

I expect it's what therapists advise to get healthy.

Just as you will find comments on the support thread talking about EAC here or threads here or the round robin messages "ignore xyz they are xyz that accosts many a new estranged mother". One of those appeared directly in my inbox once by mistake and estranged parent friends have told me in the quiet times we chatted about our situations and got on because we are just 2 people with different stories

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone

Perhaps MissA, there are some rather dubious therapists out there.

Well, the title of this post was unexpectedly prophetic, wasn’t it?

MissAdventure

I expect it's what therapists advise to get healthy.

Yes, it always reminds me of why I run, screaming, away from any sort of quack counselling/therapy.🙄

It strikes me that the ones shouting they are “healed and happy from estranging whoever” are the ones who seem the most unsettled and unhappy.

The OP did not come in here wanting support. She freely said that she had already estranged her MIL, and just wanted opinions - which she got. Her story got stranger, and then Ihatehypocrites exposed what was really going on.🤷‍♀️

I’m sure there are umpteen sites where estrangers can go and meet other estrangers, if that’s what they want.

But, this was, obviously, some sort of wind-up from the off, designed to upset them that had been estranged. Being cheered on from another site.

Which is unkind and unnecessary, and not a symptom of someone healthily healed from their own situation.🙄

This is another idea I do not understand

Why would anyone rubbish therapy and counselling?

Those people are working hard to heal, going to another person who spends years training on how to help people, then having the courage to work through everything that has hurt and changed them.

It takes a person who truly wants better for themselves and their loved ones to go to counselling and therapy to heal themselves, especially when it is the person who hurt them who should have gone and would never consider it

Nobody is rubbishing therapy.
It is meant in an ironic way, that people say they have been to therapy, are healed, and are happy and healthy, then spend their evenings trying to cause arguments with mother in laws.

What a pity, when they have partners and children, but still feel the need.

It would be like a victim of some sort of crime seeking out people who are a similar demographic to the perpetrator, just so they could "put them in their place."
Silly.

Here comes the old echo chamber again.

Women here are not your mother in laws, you have no idea whatsoever about them, baiting them, and having a go at them will not punish your own mothers or in laws.

I’m genuinely not clear as to why it’s needed.

If I’ve estranged someone, which I have, what does counselling bring? I’ve thought about needing to estrange, I’ve done it, and I’ve moved on. I’m better with them out of my life, so I’m not sure what healing is needed.

I don’t need validation.

If I wasn’t happier with them out of my life, I’d reconnect.

There are only two choices - estrange or don’t.🤷‍♀️

Yes it was AugustDay but not in the way it was intended.

Women here are not your mother in laws, you have no idea whatsoever about them, baiting them, and having a go at them will not punish your own mothers or in laws well said MissA and yes, it is ironic to see some who claim to be healed, healthy and happy with their lives, expressing anger and bitterness and 'attacking' EP's, EGP's and m's.i.l.

I can see how good therapy/counselling can help someone make the final decision to estrange, and how ongoing good therapy/counselling can help them come to terms with what they've done and move forward, but is what's happened here a sign that the OP has moved on? I don't think so.

Even those of us who have been estranged are eventually able to move on with our lives and for some of us, even see that as much as we love our EAC our lives are more settled and peaceful without them.

I don't need validation. If I wasn't happier with them out of my life, I'd reconnect. There are only two choices - estrange or don't makes perfect sense to me DL.

The whole point about these threads is that only one side of the story is available; they cannot be regarded as reliable, because information given is extremely subjective and is rarely possible to verify.
The unusual intervention of Ihatehypocrites has exposed these increasingly similar posts about dastardly mothers-in-laws for what they are; malicious inventions to provide amusement.

malicious inventions to provide amusement and as I posted earlier eazybee some will be very wary about responding in the future, just in case.

I think I will respond with my initial reaction, which generally is not polite.

I think I will respond with my initial reaction too, easybee and take everyone at face value. After all, many strange posts are genuine and real life can be stranger than fiction.

real life can be stranger than fiction it can indeed NotSpaghetti.

I have learned not to take unsubstantiated posts at face value; the affected language in these very long initial posts is generally an indication.

LO, baby, little people, children, motherhood experience, pregnancy, waited 9 months to meet the child who(m) I had grown inside me, birth, negatively impacted on me, upset me, and of course all the therapy-speak.

To be fair, I hadn't realised it was the Estrangement thread, where there is sometimes real anguish; I just clicked on an interesting title. Would have been better in Relationships.

I'm happy I haven't "learned" to not take posts at face value.

Obviously witchy voodoo posts excepted!

MissAdventure

Nobody is rubbishing therapy.
It is meant in an ironic way, that people say they have been to therapy, are healed, and are happy and healthy, then spend their evenings trying to cause arguments with mother in laws.

What a pity, when they have partners and children, but still feel the need.

It would be like a victim of some sort of crime seeking out people who are a similar demographic to the perpetrator, just so they could "put them in their place."
Silly.

Here comes the old echo chamber again.

Women here are not your mother in laws, you have no idea whatsoever about them, baiting them, and having a go at them will not punish your own mothers or in laws.

I think you should read the comments before mine as my response was to it was justified

DiamondLily

I’m genuinely not clear as to why it’s needed.

If I’ve estranged someone, which I have, what does counselling bring? I’ve thought about needing to estrange, I’ve done it, and I’ve moved on. I’m better with them out of my life, so I’m not sure what healing is needed.

I don’t need validation.

If I wasn’t happier with them out of my life, I’d reconnect.

There are only two choices - estrange or don’t.🤷‍♀️

Your way of dealing or handling things does not dictate others, just as your situation is not an indication of what others have been through.

Besides, no way of knowing if something you haven't tried would be beneficial or not to you or anyone else

Unfortunately it is the case that many children are getting the therapy now that actually their parents needed.

Children who grew up in neglectful households

Children who grew up in addicted households

Children who grew up religious extremist households

Children who grew up in abusive households (sexual, physical or emotional)

Those are the people who are most likely to end up with long term mental health problems that need professional support.

It is actually quite shocking and appalling that anyone would mock them for seeking that support or in anyway try to rubbish a lifeline of support to those who need it.

And in the context as written, a bit like saying "I would run screaming from any quack doctor who wanted to help me with my broken leg, I would rather limp for the rest of my life and declare myself fine"

A quack doctor, which is someone non medically qualified, wouldn’t be able to help with a broken leg.

A medically trained doctor might though.🙂

No one is mocking those you have listed VS, you are twisting what others have posted. It is the irony of those who say they are healed and happy, yet post with anger and hostility aimed at those who have been estranged, seeking confrontation with people they have never met that is being discussed.

Your way of dealing or handling things does not dictate others, just as your situation is not an indication of what others have been through DL hasn't claimed it does; she has talked of how she handled her own situation, and how she feels about the result which is positive.