Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Morning all

Hope you all enjoyed your Xmas day. I had a lovely meal at my DD with son and DD m.i.l. DGD had so many lovely gifts, I regretted giving all mine as they had so much, should have just given main present and held back the others till they come over for NYE.

We are going to the Panto, matinee, then onto the earlier fireworks, back home for a take-away, few drinks, tree presents and then bed ZZZZZZZZ

Morning everyone, hope you all managed to enjoy your Christmas.

We had a great start, a large group met up at lunch time for a drink and then we went to new neighbours for a Christmas eve party. We were entertained by the dogs with their new toys on Christmas day morning and our little poodle, rolling around in the discarded wrapping paper.

It was such a beautiful day, we went for a long walk with the dogs as the turkey was cooking and had a lovely dinner about 2.00 pm after face timing DS in Aus. but then it all felt rather sad and empty.

I think our expectations were too high, being in our new home we didn't expect to feel deflated but estrangement is the gift that keeps on giving

Much better day yesterday as some other new friends and neighbours arrived and are here until the New Year, and came round for a meal. They're having a 'do' this evening and we have a New Year's party at the restaurant we go to regularly to look forward too.

Well I'm going to bite the bullet and tentatively get on the scales after New Year's day Allsorts. Still a size 14 but want to be a comfortable 14 if you know what I mean. One of my presents from Mr. S. was some comfortable trainers so I can start power walking.

This is the ideal place. It's about 4 miles to walk around the site so that gives me something to aim for.

Like you Allsorts I'm going to try to not over think everything and see how that goes.

Have a good day dear friends x

Glad you had a good time Yogi and I totally get what you mean with regards to giving too much, our GCs had so many gifts they soon lost interest. Have told the family we will just give one present next year and then money in their accounts.
Xmas eve was manic, an anniversary meal then back to ours for a buffet later. Xmas dinner was calmer but now awaiting more family - a daughter, SiL and GC who were at in-laws over Xmas.
Will be glad to take a break.

@Smiles, the feeling of deflation is as you say an occupational hazard for EPs. Despite having a great time Xmas day I did - as always - feel some sadness and emptiness, we lit a candle in a nearby church the night before during a Carol service and I cried buckets. They were singing Silent Night. Always gets to me and on this occasion I was a wreck.
Not sure I can do that next Xmas, will find another way of remembering our EAC and GCs.
Hope you all had a calm and peaceful xmas.
I am also a size 14 but not for long if I keep eating the chocolates and cake 🍰🙏🏾🙏🏾

Yes been feeling deflated here too. I think the grey skies haven’t helped! We’ve spent the day thinking about how to do things differently next year. Have decided the whole Christmas thing just lasts too long….if it was kept to a single day would be manageable. As it is in spite of some lovely moments we are tired, and just glad is now over. Not even thinking about getting on the scales for a couple of weeks!!!

That all sounded lovelySmiles until the end of Xmas day bit. That's when you need sit down and watch all the Xmas TV with some cheese & biscuits & a nice . Lovely that you spoke to your son in Oz on facetime, that must have been heartwarming.

I too started off Xmas day in a lovely way, meet all my park friends in the park. One dressed up as father Xmas and had lots of drinks in his open boot with mince pies, sausage rolls and the like. I had 2 glasses of mulled wine; lovely start to Xmas day

Have my class this morning. I will then go to the car wash & vacuum out the interior. Then onto B&Q to see what they have in the sales. At this time of year, I always seem to start thinking about looking at an artificial Xmas tree in the sales, but so far have resisted

Babs You had a busy Xmas eve & Xmas day, hope you enjoyed it all, along with your Ann.celebrations. Shame it was spoiled with you thinking about your estD.

Another first for me; I didn't message my estD a happy Xmas message, not much point when she's blocked me!

With the GC presents, I always mean to keep it down but then see things I want to buy for them extra, only little things; like books, & clothes which small C don't see as presents do they

Spring Yes, good to have a rest between Xmas and NY. I get on the scales every day, if I put a pound on, I'm careful the next few days, that way it's easy to stay at your ideal weight.

Christmas is done, now just NYE to get through. I am glad it is over but sad that it is over too. Does that make sense? You just want it to be a lovely family thing and it does not work out. It is staggering just how much impact it makes on so many important celebrations if you have a nasty set of people added into your family.

Yogin your start to Christmas Day sounds lovely! Fresh air, friends and drinks in the park! Sounds like you have a nice community developing in your new place Smiles too. I’m not concerned about NYE - we’ve always celebrated our way and kept it simple. This year a meal with friends then home for 9pm. Feel for you Yogin - being blocked feels like the final straw because you can’t pass on good wishes or any loving thoughts, but we have to accept this is what they have chosen/feel they need to do. Same with gifts - we chose gifts for our other children which they have appreciated, and we’ve spent good time together. Something we can’t give/replicate for our EC. Feels like we’re being unfair to them but is nothing we can do. They are missed by us all.

Morning everyone.

It can take time to find out what works to make certain times of the year more manageable Babs. I wonder if we inadvertently make life harder for ourselves .

It's very unlikely that there will ever be a Christmas that you never think of your EAC and EGC so by thinking of them even momentarily, you are remembering them so maybe it isn't necessary to potentially upset yourself, by doing anything more than that.

12 years in now I find that I don't necessarily think about our ES and GC at particular times of the year and more often than not, will be triggered quite unexpectedly by something that you would think is totally unrelated.

We seem to enjoy the run up to Christmas more than the day itself. It has got better over the years but is still hard.

You're right about the weather Spring, grey skies don't help and apart from the lovely weather on Christmas day, until yesterday it's been very misty and dull here.

You're not being unfair to your EAC. Their choice to estrange and not be with parents, GP's and siblings over Christmas.

That makes perfect sense love0c .

TBH Yogin face timing DS gets harder. It's been so long since we were together that I miss him more and more. He keeps talking about maybe getting into a relationship and having a child of his own, and how much it would mean to him to see me holding my GC in my arms.

It' very sweet of him of course but I did get a little tearful on Christmas day and told him that the only one I want to be able to have in my arms is him . To be estranged from one son and have the other on the other side of the world all becomes too much sometimes.

Sending hugs smileless, and many good wishes for a hopeful and happy new year🫠

Thanks Bridie 'back at ya' xx

Also sending hugs Smiles. Your positivity and yes honesty about how tough it is at times helps so many of us. In the Sunday Times yesterday was a comment about how 1 in 5 adults are now estranged from someone. Another reminder why this thread is needed….💐

And we have been criticised for saying that estrangement is becoming a social pandemic Spring. 1 in 5 adults is a frightening statistic.

When you consider though that estrangement is rarely between the one who estranges and one or two people, it's not that hard to believe. Siblings, GP's, GGP's, aunts, uncles, and cousins are all too often caught up in estrangement.

Thank you for your (((hugs))) and kindness x

Smileless2012

Morning everyone.

It can take time to find out what works to make certain times of the year more manageable Babs. I wonder if we inadvertently make life harder for ourselves .

It's very unlikely that there will ever be a Christmas that you never think of your EAC and EGC so by thinking of them even momentarily, you are remembering them so maybe it isn't necessary to potentially upset yourself, by doing anything more than that.

12 years in now I find that I don't necessarily think about our ES and GC at particular times of the year and more often than not, will be triggered quite unexpectedly by something that you would think is totally unrelated.

We seem to enjoy the run up to Christmas more than the day itself. It has got better over the years but is still hard.

You're right about the weather Spring, grey skies don't help and apart from the lovely weather on Christmas day, until yesterday it's been very misty and dull here.

You're not being unfair to your EAC. Their choice to estrange and not be with parents, GP's and siblings over Christmas.

That makes perfect sense love0c .

TBH Yogin face timing DS gets harder. It's been so long since we were together that I miss him more and more. He keeps talking about maybe getting into a relationship and having a child of his own, and how much it would mean to him to see me holding my GC in my arms.

It' very sweet of him of course but I did get a little tearful on Christmas day and told him that the only one I want to be able to have in my arms is him . To be estranged from one son and have the other on the other side of the world all becomes too much sometimes.

Thanks for thinking of others at a time when you are obvs not feeling so great due to missing your sons, I really hope you find a way to see your son in Aus soon. I really don’t think he would survive the hug you would give him.
And you are right sometimes we trigger feelings of sadness by doing something we believe will alleviate it.
No more lighting candles.
Will leave well alone.
Also sending hugs 🤗

@yogi, we’ve been blocked nearly 11 years, don’t even know what email address etc., our daughter uses now. And is a slap in the face to start with. Then I realised that it just marks the end of what we know is over, a full stop at the end of a sentence. And though it hurts at least it means we don’t constantly get disappointed by a lack of response.
Take care
🙏🏾❤️

As usual just lately seem to behind on reading posts here.

Smiles sorry you and Mr S felt deflated on Christmas day. I think you where so busy months and days before it may have been your bodies suddenly said ok time to rest . But take joy and pride in your new home . It's was a very good move for you and your furry family. And at all that has happened since your move ,new friends ,new experiences,Mr S's new bowls club ,new church. Got a garden that will be in full bloom in the spring . And lots of new things to look forward to in 2025 and hopefully you will find a new choir to sing with or may be musical theatre.

This happened to me a few days after Christmas and upset me very much. And looking at it now I have to laugh . But my HPX group helped me .
I was watching my lunchtime soup heating in the microwave when I heard a loud bang behind me I screamed and fell frozen across my worktop. Once my limbs loosened I could turn round and see what happened. The ladle had fallen out of the utensil drainer into the empty washing up bowl. But it really upset me that I screamed . I am not a screamer and started to shake and shed a few tears. Sounds really stupid telling you but my HPX group where reassuring I just had a very back startle and just concerned that I hadn't hurt myself.

Christmas morning opened my presents I had been sent in bed never done that before but felt fun. I like a pot of tea of a morning since buying my teapot in York . I put lot of milk into my mug and then just top it up with tea so it gets to how I like it after drinking some out . So mug was on the side while my porridge cooked in the microwave. I was emptying the dishwasher and putting clean mugs in the cupboard forgot the mug with the milk and thought it was clean went to put it into the eye level cupboard milk everywhere in the cupboard,over the microwave,over the work surface,down the fridge and on the floor . Amazing how far milk travels and it's sticky . So had to clean that all up. 😠. Then missed squeezing honey into my porridge on the work surface and floor 😠. Thought hope there's a third before my daughter fetches me as things seem to happen in 3's. Hour before she was due lost my balance in my living room hit my leg on the corner of my side table and fell luckily landed mostly on my sofa . But was pleased as that was 3 things so knew I would be ok for rest of the day.

All very silly I know but that's me 😂.

Yogin glad you had a good Christmas and packed such a lot in . I ask my daughter for a list of presents for boys and what they want and tell her what I would like . Mine was only 4 soup bowls did have 6 but broke 4 over the year. And 2 books but if course got lot more presents. My grandson sons birthdays are November and January so I spilt the presents between then and Christmas I stick to a budget and buy the few things my daughter says for the boys with a couple of surprises. So for birthday and Christmas they have 4 presents for each occasion and one is always books. I give my daughter money at Christmas for clothes for them . Their nan and grandad go over board and never ask what they would like . So have loads of presents. But I am happy just to give a few . My daughter asked for some perfume but said buy the smallest bottle but brought the bigger one ,wine as usual,chocs and a Seasalt voucher . My son in law is easy I buy him 18 bottles of beers and try and find ones he hasn't tried ,face wash and shower gel the sort he loves but won't buy himself so 6 of each and 3 large toberlone that doesn't look right🤔 the triangle chocolate and bit of cash. Same for him every year. It's become a running joke wonder what he will get this year.

My dad once brought my a tin of prunes and toilet roll for Christmas. 😂My mom's face was a picture. 😁.

Babs glad you had a wonderful anniversary,Christmas and hope the 28th was good to.

Spring much to my surprise only out on 5.75 lbs over Christmas thought it would be more . Friends coming for lunch today so gluten free veggie lasagna heavy in the cheese made yesterday along with cherry and chocolate cheesecake with gluten free shortbread crumbles I made for the base. Asked my friends to bring big tubs for left overs.

All you size 14's I can only hope I get there as a 16. Suppose my boobs are a 14 but that's the only bit of me. This will be my 4th year of getting the well was last stone now it's more like stone and half as put on a bit over the year. To get to my target but one year I will get there.

I think estrangement for our children is easy especially if like my son he did it via email and follow up letter . I would never have told my parents anythings that I thought they done wrong bringing my brother and me up as it would have been cruel and unfair. And loved my parents very much . My husband never gave up on his vile parents and even though I hated my mother in law for 40 years I could not look after her. After my husband died. It would have been easy to walk away but that's not how I was brought up . Even though she denied she had a son or 2 grandchildren. But they never gave up on her . My son and daughter in law know what a bad mother ,mother in law and grandmother is as they both knew her. But I realised last year they had turned into my in laws but I don't hate them. Had enough hate in my life to last a life time .

There are no such thing as perfect parents ,children etc. We all just muggle through the best way we can . But it's love and attention that count and my children and their partners never went or go without from me . And our children never went short when their dad was alive .

We live in a disposable society and family members have become just as disposable as an old rag. The funny thing is my daughter in law is all about recycling and reusing things just not her mother in law.

I miss the days before all this technology useful as it is. But people talked more ,news wasn't instead,families meant something ,loving and loyalty was something you could always count on.

It's blowing a gale here . So only to wish you all a happy year and hope 2025 is a good year for everyone . See you all in 2025 thank you for always being here. ❤️🥂🍾

Lovely ramble as usual Whiff, take care in that kitchen🤣
You arevso right about the disposable society, sadly it is happening more and more, it does concern me how our grandchildren will interact in the future, will family not exist anymore?
Onwards we go into another new year, I wish you all a peaceful, healthy and happy new year and big thanks to all who have supported me through another year 🥂

Lovely rambles Whiff.
And you weren’t the only one to have 3 unfortunate incidents though for you I know is your condition that can always makes things so much worse. Really glad you got through it without injury.
I broke my favourite gravy boat with gravy in it - what a mess! took me ages to clean up, and had guests waiting for Xmas dinner. Luckily had more gravy and a jug. Then I somehow pulled the handle off the front room door so that my DH had to get his tool box out. Lastly I knocked a tree over whilst arranging presents. Thankfully was a light tree and no baubles smashed. And am afraid there were other incidents but not if a similar magnitude. The family know I am clumsy, have one daughter who is similar, she is the one who spilt wine all over the table at Xmas dinner of course 😂😂
Happy new year 🥳 fellow survivors.
Here’s to a healthy and calm 2025 ⭐️⭐️🥳🥳

Ah, Smiles life is cruel }}}Hugs{{{ I've said before 'why couldn't it have been the other way round; with estS in Oz and the other nearby We all dream don't we; so wouldn't it be wonderful if your son in Oz met an English girl out there, she fell pregnant and wanted to come home to have and bring up baby . You never know, life works in mysteries ways!

Thank you Babs and you xx

Oh dear Whiff we all do these silly things, good job you got the 3 out of the way. Yes, I ask my DD what the C would like for Xmas & birthdays, but then it's nice to choose some from me.

Happy New Year everyone, I'll be back on tomorrow to say it properly.

Off to park now, then early lunch before getting ready for Panto and then the fireworks, my son will meet us for the fireworks, then will pick up take-away meal on way home to mine, prosecco chilling .