Son is pushing us away

Maremia

If you have just had your weekend away, with some of the family, I hope it went well enough, and that you both were able to relax and enjoy yourself, after all of that disappointment.

I second that Maremia

Susie I really hope you all enjoyed yourselves and that your birthday treat was special for you all

Me too, hope you all had a wonderful time Susie.

It’s possible your dil didn’t want to go. It’s also possible your son doesn’t is using this excuse. Regardless of what it is he’s been clear in that he’s not attending. I’d make peace with that and try to enjoy the time with the others.

It’s very convenient to blame those pesky dils but your son is a grown man using dog sitting as an excuse. He - himself - has decided he doesn’t want to come. This is on him. He hasn’t attended family functions in years. He has decided it is not a priority to him. Put the blame and hurt where it belongs.

I don't think he had intention of going.
The person who was looking after the dog for the trip could of looked after it when your dil was out.
Your dil helping with a school activity still could of ment your son and grandchildren could of come, even for the day.
I don't think they'd even booked a sitter as it would of been booked and paid for by now.

I think it's easy to blame her as there's a back story but I'd look at your son's behaviour and see if he's using her to get out of things.

Smileless2012

^No need to project one's own situation on to the OP^ maybe you could give that a try BlessedArt.

Referring to the OP's son as a prince is offensive not just to the OP but to her son. The tone deafness comes from those who automatically point the finger at the m.i.l., despite what we've been told, and I question the intent of your narrative which always appears to be against the mothers and m's.i.l. in these situations.

Do you understand what projection is? I have no MIL/DIL issues to “project”. I get on with my DIL. Never had major problems with my MIL. Maybe those who lack MIL/DIL issues have a higher chance of an objective view than those who see their own trauma in everyone else’s MIL/DIL issues? What positive goal could possibly stem from planting unproven seeds of abuse in the minds of already hurting parents? I don’t believe there is any goal to provide practical help and advice every time that happens. I don’t.

Yes I know exactly what projection is BlessedArt and not everyone projects because of MIL/DIL issues.

If they agreed to go then what they did is absolutely nasty. To let you down last minute with no genuine reason unbelievable, how anyone could do that to their parents is beyond me.If this was created by his wife he had choices, he could have gone with the children without her. He almost certainly should pay for any expenses incurred on the family’s behalf, he should offer without being asked.
I can’t imagine my son or daughter treating me like this, if they did I wouldn’t say anything and wait for the it reaction. Treat your grandchildren the same as always, if this silence goes on for any length of time start sending postcards and letters (dependant on age) to the children.Tell them how much you love them etc etc.
You don’t know your sons relationship could be breaking down.I am sure you know but never make any comment to your son about his wife or offer advice.
I have a know it all DIL she did visit us some years ago and went out every Sunday with us for a meal. Our situation now is our son and the GC come for the day Saturday and Sunday all day and we go for a meal Sunday together without her, it makes for a lovely weekend and we all have lots of fun.

It sounds as if your son’s marriage is in trouble Jeanie, family spending every weekend with you. You would think a mother woukd want to spend time with her children.

I’m wondering how the OP’s birthday party went.
Susie, if you’re reading this, I do hope you had a great party, regardless of whether your son and d.i.l. attended or not. I’ve only just seen this thread. Lots of belated birthday wishes. Enjoy the rest of the year and many more to come

I often agree with you norah but not on this one,

Sounds all very much like to me that this is about what the dil wants.

Someone said, earlier in the thread, the son could put his foot down.
But from what I see in real life
a. that rarely happens, and
b. he starts putting his marriage at risk.

I am not saying the son shouldnt, but there are always many possible likely outcomes if that is done.
All of which need to be taken into consideration.

Now noticed the original date of the op[I normally always read that first]

I do hope things all went well.

* I have been worried for months that he would do this because I am positive his wife wouldn’t have wanted to come*

Then you should never have put your son in the position of having to back her up.