I am an adult child of parents who were early 20's when I was born. Tried their best, but have asked me questions before to find out what I think of my childhood. My replies consisted of "These things were good (95%), these things are questionable to me (3%), a and XYZ things (2%) were right out.
With every single item of that last 5 percent, they argued. For example, I stated my grandfather had been drinking wine while driving my sister and I places, and DM responded, "My father wouldn't do that!" until my DF said he'd seen it and been offered a snort several times himself. DM then said she couldn't tell her father what to do!
DF's mother was mentally ill and abusive. DF insisted we be left alone with his mother for a week at a time so we could bond with our grandmother, even when she was the sole caretaker for her diabetic husband, who was on dialysis. (to be fair, I think that was not fair to DGM!) I refused to be left there with no adults present after I got heatstroke and she refused to contact our parents or let us do so. I had 101.5 fever and was dehydrated. DF refused to say a word to his mother about it, and tried to make me go back the next summer. This was the least bad thing she did to me.
Sometimes it really is that clear cut. Even if someone apologizes for their behavior and admits fault, it cannot ever go back to the way it was. My grandparents are all dead now, and I did not leave my children unsupervised with my parents until my children were both over 12 and my parents apologized. I did not estrange my parents, but I made it clear why I was supervising them closely.
