Feeling inadequate

I'd just like to say that I did not condemn the feelings. In fact I didn't condemn anything. I answered a question straightforwardly.

And I still think it's silly for someone who sees her grandchild twice a week to be getting in an emotional stew.

I think there are times when "Oh, for heaven's sake!" is an appropriate response. And I think this was one of them. I really think one should be trying to suppress or get over those feelings. I would if it were me.

As it happens I didn't see my first grandchild until he was six weeks old because he was too far away. I couldn't travel (not just because of chronic ailments but that was a factor) and neither could DD. In spite of that I never felt "left out" because, luckily for me, I just know that DD wouldn't do that. Similarly, she knew I was excited about the whole thing. When she did manage to travel with baby to see me, I was just as glad to see her as I was to see the baby, possibly even gladder.

So write me off as an unkind weirdo if you must but you are completely missing the point if you do.

I think it's unreasonable for someone to ask "am I being silly?" and then to go all offended if someone says yes. Not that the OP has, only other commenters.

Happy people, as the saying goes, are those who are happy with what they have rather than hankering after and fretting about what they haven't.

thatbags... quit while you are ahead..

..just sayin.......

As you would expect I am with thatbags, enjoy the time you do have with the baby fruitbat and have your own life too.

In any case your daughter is probably wishing her mother in law didn't come quite so often...... I remember my mother in law making me feel very inadequate when my daughter was born, she took over sometimes, which made me feel a useless mother. Looking back I should have told her to back off, but I was young, and didn't want to offend her.

I see my grandchildren every few weeks when they stay overnight or for a few days. They are four and two. Their maternal grandmother looks after them about three times a week. Of course I would love to do that but it's not possible so I put it out of my mind as I know she loves them just as much as me. I just make sure they enjoy themselves with me. My daughter is pregnant and I live near her so does her MIL but I will give her space and I have told her she only has to pick up the phone and I will be there. At three weeks old the baby is still bonding with the parents and doesn't need too many people around. I don't think any question is silly especially as this forum should be about support. Of course we should say in a nice way if we do think differently from the poster.

Ditto

I feel that the OP was needed by her DD throughout the pregnancy but now the baby has arrived the other granny is having most of the contact with him, which is confusing for her (and she probably feels it's due to her disability which makes it more unfair). Having said that I still only see my much longed for granddaughter every so often and even then it's 'by appointment only'. I will be spending more time with her over the next few weeks, and I do get sent lots of photos (usually of her with DIL's family). I've just got used to it, now.

I totally understand Fruitbat. I have been in the same situation, but because I can't drive and can't get to my DS and DIL's house easily. I see a lot less of my DGDs consequently. However my elder GD is 3 now and tells me how much she loves me and how she loves being at our house. She loves my other DS too although she only sees on FaceTime. The little one (5mths) cries when I hold her, but is OK with the other grandma, uncle and uncles girlfriend (!)because she has had a 3 week holiday with them. I do feel a bit jealous, but it's pointless, at least they're not in Australia.

Still I'll just have to bide my time. Love them, and they'll love you, and it'll be ok in the end. You're are obviously a close family so I don't think it will be a long-term problem.

nonnie

I'm on holiday with 2 DGC at the moment . I hadn't seen them since September . I love them dearly but it's enough for me. I'm not an unkind weirdo nor is Thatbags. We make the best of what we're given. I think I now dislike responsibility .

I really want to see dd so I create circumstances where I see her by having the children.

Am I the only one thinking this thread is a wind-up? Where's fruitbat gone??

Hope it's not one of those sneaky Daily Fail things...

Oops. We aren't supposed to mention the w-u word. I got a polite email about that very thing this morning from HQ and they deleted my mention of it and someone else's.

Eh? Why would it be a w-u? By whom?

What's wrong with wind-up <stirs>. .

Hi fruitbat, congratulations on the new arrival to your family. None of us can help how we feel and if it's something that upsets you then it isn't silly. How lucky you were to go to all your daughter's appointments. That is something the paternal grandma missed out on and I'm sure there were occasions when she also felt a bit envious. Keep in touch with your daughter, maybe ring her every morning when you know that her husband has left for work. Perhaps ask if there is anything she would like you to bring when you visit or could you bake them something. I bet she would appreciate her mum's kindness much more than her mother in law's constant presence. I wouldn't mention how you feel to your daughter and I bet the other grandma will soon ease off a bit when she knows that she hasn't been pushed out either.

Hello Fruitbat. 4 of my grandchildren live in England and I live in N.Ireland so I don't see them nearly as often as you see your little DGD. However, I get lots of photos, updates on what they are doing and they come across about 3 times a year.

I'm lucky enough to be healthy and able to travel so I go across several times a year to see them too. As they get older and begin to remember us, we have developed a special loving relationship with them. Don't despair. Concentrate on giving her love and attention when you do see her and you will have an important place in her life.

And try not to compare yourself to the other Gran. Grandparent competition is very destructive. You both have a place in her life.

I would suggest when you are feeling deprived, read the thread dedicated to grandparents cut out of their DGSs' lives. Sobering stuff ?

I saw my Italian grandmother 6 times in 36 years. Admittedly I spent at least 3 weeks with her each time. No Facebook, Skype etc. but I still had a great relationship with her and loved her dearly.

Thatbags, are you feeling sore because you have been told off? I think you protest too much.

Well, rowantree, the OP has had many thoughtful replies (3 pages' worth according to my phone) and has yet to respond.....

I'm beginning to smell a long-tailed whiskery rodent...

How sad if someone had posted a fake post. What do they gain from it?

I don't know what anyone would get out of posting a fake post but...i dunno....to me the post didn't ring true somehow.

But maybe that's me being cynical what, moi?

Why would anyone bother to write a fake post? It's not as if they could gain anything by so doing!
I think Fruitbat might simply have gone to ground for a while (or to her batcave) - either thinking hard or simply getting on with the business of learning her new role, which takes some doing. Until proven otherwise, that's my personal take on it. No need to invoke whiskers of any kind