Any advice is appreciated!DIL at a loss here!!

I will also say that for the few that have been cut out here I am sorry that you are not in your children and grandchildrens lives, sometimes the DILs and SILs can be awful and unreasonable, but that doesn't mean that all DILs or SILs are nasty spiteful people that want GPs gone without reason. As I've stated I had no intention of cutting my MIL out, yes currently I am wanting a break from her after she went into my work and caused some issues and yes it's tempting to cut her out but I have no intention of properly cutting her out nor would I ever even concider asking DH to cut contact with his mother. I will not be leaving my child with her when she behaves like this nor will I be visiting her as I previously did alone so that she could spend as much time as possible with DD.

The only time I will visit her is when DH is there and he will not be leaving me alone with her for even a second as I really don't deserve to be treated the way she treats me and my DDs safely is way more important than her wishes. And I also don't let her put DD in harms way, if she does something that is dangerous I take DD off her and leave. For those that don't believe that a GP could possibly do that honestly I wish I still believed the same, if it were a perfect world every person would never do something that could hurt another but unfortunately we don't live in a perfect world and people, no matter who they are do stupid things without thinking

From your previous posts, it also sounded like your DH and DD shouldn't visit your MiL without you, as DH was not as alert as you to prevent risky behaviour.

Oh DD won't be going there without me either, I don't trust her at all due to past behaviour so until such a point as she changes how she is and shows me she has changed it will only be family visits

Thank you for the clarification DILseekingAdvice. To be prepared to do all that you can to maintain your relationship with your m.i.l. so that she continues to see your DH and D is admirable in the circumstances.

Family visits will I'm sure be stressful for the time being but I hope that things settle down and eventually they will be something you can look forward too rather than dread.

Good luck.

Well done DILseekingAdvice - you sound stronger already. Personally, I think that is the best way to manage this situation and I hope all works out well for you and your family.

Madgran I second Smilelesss post to you.

Dilseekingadvise An awful lot has happened in the 3mnths your baby has been born hasn't it!

Your bit stating they refuse to pass her back to me when she needs to be fed or is hysterically crying they just ignore me So what are they doing with your baby at this time then? I'm sorry I still find this impossible to believe

Yogagirl- they are either pretending I don't exist and that they can't hear me or they will get up and leave the room I follow them and they leave said room again. If you don't want to believe me that's fine, from what responses I've seen from you I doubt there is a thing I could say that would convince you of what's happening but I've said a few times here not all DILs and SILs are awful people, not all MILs are great people and vice versa it's your choice to believe or not believe and your entitled to your own opinion

Although I had a good relationship with my PiLs, there were a couple of times when one of them would keep holding onto my howling baby, while jiggling and exclaiming, apparently in the hope that would be calming.
It's not hard to believe at all.

FarNorth my MIL was prone to doing the same.

But on the whole she was a great MIL. It's just that sometimes we had different approaches to the same problem.

Oh for goodness sake, Iv known people who held onto babies even when they're crying for their mums. Selfish people who care more about their own wants than a little baby's or who think they can calm baby down better than mum can. Or sometimes it's a gp or other relative who thinks baby is being fed too often and that mum "runs to her too much," and thinks they have a right to interfere. Sometimes seems to boil down to a power struggle of sorts. Sad but true.

Thank you, bugsy! How kind of you!

Op, your mil is very lucky to have you as a dil, whether she knows it or not. I think it's great that you're trying to keep up relations with her as much as you can and not trying to pull dh away from her.

You are a bigger person than I am. I could take a lot of things, but if my mil had ever tried to make trouble at my job, idk if I could come back from that. That's way too far out of bounds, imo. Mil is very lucky, very, very lucky.

Starlady there is only one reason busgy complimented you so don't gloat too much.

Op, may I ask what culture your in-laws are, as you say they are different to yours, hence perhaps the probs you have with them. This was/is my problem too, my s.i.l's culture being different to my own. His culture is a closed one, wife allowed, but not any of her birth family.

.....And my heartache is that my precious, darling Granddaughter is not of their culture and has been denied hers by having all her family cut out!

They are Polynesian (South Pacific islands)

Starlady don't take offense to yoga- the most bitter and twisted women on these boards. It's easy to see why 2 of her children have no contact.

She has an intense dislike for you because your not cut out. What a very jealous women

Also Yoga - you say wife allowed but no other birth family - what of the brother she still has contact with?

The OP is an angel. But I suspect this will only end 1 way. A person cannot continue to deal with the kind of stress mil is putting on her forever.

Dilseeking Oh, I know nothing about that culture. sounds very exotic though. Sorry I have been a bit hard on you, suppose I am very protective of other grandmothers being cut out, as I know the pain is unbearable! My s.i.l is from a huge gypsy family, say no more Hope you resolve your problems with your in-laws xx

Bug My Son lives in Spain at the moment, before that Russia, when he is in UK, he resides in London, at the very most a visit to his sister once per year, therefore can be tolerated, but only in order to hurt me more, no other reason!

What a vile thing to post bugsy. I have two hopes for your future. The first is that you never find yourself CO of your C's and GC's lives, the second that if you do, no one says anything as cruel as you've just said to Yogagirl.

Thank you Smileless Xxx

DIL, just want to add, I'm glad you take baby and leave when one of dh's foo is sick or they start breaking your & dh's rules. When they start criticizing you, imo, you should do the same, or, at least, change the subject. Eventually, dd is going to hear and understand these conversations. Imo, you need to nip them in the bud now.

I don't mean if they just say one thing. But if you give them your answer and they keep arguing, then it's time to say, "Sorry, this is the way I am" or "This is the way dh and I have decided to do it" (whatever it is)." and change the subject. I say this particularly if they're making fun of you. They have to learn they can't disrespect you in front of your child (or, at all, really).

Also, if anyone refused to give me my baby and walked in another room, etc., once I got baby back, I would leave or send them home if they were visiting me. If you want to keep trying, ok. But there have to be firm limits - and consequences for this outrageous behavior. I'm NOT saying to cut them out. I'm JUST saying to put your foot down and take some more action. That's my opinion, anyhow.

Bugsy That is unnecessarily unkind and as I assume that you have never met Yogagirl I fail to see how you can possibly make such statements as apparent "facts"!
I think that Yogagirl's posts sometimes read as apparently heavily influenced by her own difficult experiences but that is only human, and even in disagreement does not merit such unpleasantness surely. Myself and Yogagirl have not entirely agreed in this thread but neither of us have resorted to such unnecessary personal remarks ...based on what exactly?
For the OP DIL I do hope that you can sort such difficulties even within the context of a differing culture.

Madgran have you read yogas contributions to this thread and the assumptions she's made about OP. Her attitude towards anybody that has a different opinion to her is awful.

So yes I have been unkind but only once yoga was particularly unkind to OP. I bite my tongue a lot at her posts but couldn't let this one slip