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Grandparenting

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(80 Posts)
MawBroon Tue 27-Mar-18 23:40:01

DD1 married first and had her three children before DD2 who has one little boy.
I had just retired when DGS1 was born, Paw was well enough to be left for the occasional night and I enjoyed doing babysits and helping with childcare.
Fast forward nearly 7 years and I am not needed anything like as much for the older 3 DGCs although I have had them overnight a couple of times. I no longer have Paw to worry about so in theory I am freer but I have Hattie and have not had a great winter health wise.
I have helped out with DGS3 (DD2’s little boy) recently when DD was working in Stratford, but do less than I did with the others and never overnight, he is much clingier, perhaps his age, perhaps because he has no siblings.
My point is that if I have been “booked”by one DD and then have to disappoint the other I just feel so guilty
Is it a mother’s /granny’s place to feel guilty whatever I do?
Or should I just harden my heart and let it flow over me?
Neither DD has actually said anything so perhaps I am imagining it?

SpanielNanny Sun 01-Apr-18 22:25:19

Is part of the reason grandparents roles have changed over the years because we as grandparents want it to? I am desperate to takeover childcare when my dil finally returns to work after her maternity leave. I have been excited about it since I found out she was pregnant. Dil mother feels exactly the same. With the exception of one, all of my friends who have childcare responsibilities do so because they want to, and they enjoy the special bond it gives them with their dgc (although some do sometimes feel like they’ve taken on a little too much)

Norah Sun 01-Apr-18 22:50:44

I think not much has changed due to years, but people keep on where GM is, more now than before.

SparklyGrandma Mon 02-Apr-18 21:02:50

sluttygran you shouldn't feel guilty for leaving a violent husband. I left a violent husband 30 years ago, before there were refuges he was working up the violence scale and I believe might have killed me leaving my son with no parents.

I still get criticism in the family about having left him. I don't say anything back but do think to myself ''well would you rather I was dead''.

We live in the UK not some backward country, women shouldn't have to wait until they are nearly killed to leave a violent husband.

sluttygran Sat 07-Apr-18 13:36:53

You are right, SparklyGrandma, no one should have to put up with violence, be it mental or physical.
Unfortunately, for those of us of the older generation, a woman’s place is always in the wrong!