Grandchildren and Christmas gifts

Very common now in GC. Mine got 50 pounds each for Christmas and no thanks for me. Youngest birthday this week and asked by WA what he would like. Money or a surprise. I know he read it as you can tell on WA but no response at all. I believe this is callled ghosting. I have bought him something but will be inclined to forget next year.

Chucky

I think YABVU to put pressure on your dgc to buy you a present and I am not surprised your dd was unhappy.
You say dgc were very gracious in their reply, but frankly you left them with no other option than to apologise and promise they will buy a present next time.
Just doesn’t sit well with me asking someone to buy you a present!!

I totally disagree with you. The girls have been receiving pocket money from their grandmother all these years, in addition to birthday and christmas presents. I don't think they should get that pocket money now, simply because they are old enough to earn their own money. Pocket money is given to help teach children how to manage money. Their grandmother spoke to them about giving her a gift because they clearly have not been taught about why we give gifts to loved ones by their own mother! I used to receive pocket money from my parents but was taught to set some aside for things like buying gifts (not just for birthdays and christmas but holiday souvenir gifts also). I am sad to say that I think children get too much nowadays and if they are not taught the right - and very necessary - life lessons then they turn into self-focussed, entitled adults, something that I'm confident the OP does not want to happen to her granddaughters.

I would never have had asked any of my grandchildren why they hadn’t sent me a Christmas present. How rude!

How insensitive and childish.

PECS

I bet DD said to her daughters that she was getting grandma a gift from them all as usual so the girls accepted that. No deliberate snub intended!

Yes, I think so too.

Asking for more is awful.

knspol

I think you should be grateful for what you receive not hanker after more. How will you feel next year when the presents are only being sent because you asked for them?

For heaven's sake, you have totally missed the point of why the OP did this! You're not the only one here who has either. It's about teaching children the right lessons and it is clear that the daughter has not made sufficient effort to do this.

Gingster

I would never have had asked any of my grandchildren why they hadn’t sent me a Christmas present. How rude!

How insensitive and childish.

It was not rude, insensitive OR childish! She was extremely sensitive in the way she worded her message. I can imagine that she is sad that her granddaughters - now adults - have not understood about giving and receiving gifts as a gesture of love and gratitude. This is a lesson their parents should have taught them. Even if they still paid for the gifts themselves, they should have encouraged their daughters to be a part of the gift-giving by choosing, wrapping and addressing the gifts to their grandmother. I do wonder if approaching her granddaughters about this was the wisest course of action, rather than discuss it with her daughter first. However, the girls are adults now and this is probably why she addressed them directly. I recently mentioned the same concern to my own daughter but I think it fell on deaf ears.

I wouldn’t like any of mine to have to be told or reminded to give me something surely that takes the whole ethos out of it

I do have to have a laugh though as since Moonpig arrived on the scene, three of my adult grandkids have jumped on that bandwagon and I now have ten mugs with different pictures of them and me on them I ll soon need a whole cupboard

Lemonlegs, I feel your pain massively. It's even worse when it's a daughter in law you're dealing with (I only have sons).
I do not say anything as walking on eggshells anyway because of this daughter in law's indifferent and sullen attitude towards me.
I think the problem partly relates to the age of deference generally in society being over. And respect for our elders being considered a bit old fashioned. very sad.

This thread is 6 years old

How lovely to revisit advice from posters who have left us

I wonder if Lemonlegs received anything last Christmas???? 🤭

IT may be 6 years old but I bet its still relevant to some.

Sorry but I'm not surprised you got a haughty message. If I give a gift, I do so unconditionally and with no expectations. Your adult grandchildren have their names added to gifts that their parents have bought, that's still a gift from them. To give to them with the expectation that they should give back is not a gift given with love, it's a gift given with strings. Will it feel better to receive a gift from them now knowing you are receiving that gift because you have guilt tripped them into it, or would it feel better to receive something because you had said nothing and because they WANTED to? Receiving gifts through emotional manipulation holds no satisfaction.