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Step grandchildren - AIBU

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EllieB52 Sat 03-Aug-19 21:00:34

My husbands grandchildren and their father (recently divorced) come and stay about twice a year. The two girls are now aged 8 and 11 and are two of the noisiest, bad mannered, hyperactive, untidy kids I have ever come across. I dread them coming to be honest. They are fussy eaters so I have to do separate meals for them otherwise it’s a battle every mealtime. They never stop talking and interrupting adult conversations. They both have tablets which they play at the loudest volume. Their father pretty much leaves them to it. He just sits and falls asleep. My husband feels his son has a lot to cope with being a single parent and that I should just suck it up. It makes him cross too but he doesn’t say anything. I feel like they’re wrecking my home. I can’t wait to see the back of them. I was a single parent for 10 years but no-one made any allowances for me - I just got on with it. This time they turned up with dirty laundry and ask if I can put it in the machine. How can I refuse? My step son then tells me he’s on a low carb diet. My fridge and cupboards are full of high carb food bought in especially for them. We are on pensions so buying food we won’t eat costs us money. Now we’ll probably end up throwing it away. I feel like an unpaid maid and have turned to alcohol while they are here to de-stress. I am seriously considering going away next time they come up and leaving my husband to deal with the whole thing. Any thoughts?

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Summerlove Tue 06-Aug-19 12:40:40

so grit your teeth and enjoy the good times

In what world does a “good time” require gritting ones teeth?!

This Op is being treated poorly by those staying in her house and using her as an unpaid housekeeper/cook/babysitter.

This sounds terrible to me. Why should she put up with it? Why are so many women quick to tell other women that they don’t deserve more or to be treated kindly? Just “suck it up I wish I had your problems”. Yet, without fail we complain of the disrespect from youths. Where on earth do you think they learn it?

(Hint, they learn it from their elder relations and how they treat women. Is it any wonder today’s DILs refuse to be treated like second class humans?)

As for step son, he’s not a delicate flower to be waited on. He’s a parent for goodness sake. Why is he getting such a pass?

Next time they bring their dirty washing, take both girls stepson to the washing-machine and teach them how to sort washing, fill the machine, chose the right programme and wash the b. clothes! fixed that for you

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Nanny27 Tue 06-Aug-19 12:47:01

Well without wishing to rock the boat too hard as a mum and a grandma I am an unpaid cook, housekeeper and babysitter when my family come to visit. The difference being that I think of it as helping and hospitality. Doesnt everyone look after guests when they come to stay?

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Summerlove Tue 06-Aug-19 12:49:11

Nanny, There are many differences between looking after guests and being treated as a servant. One is gratitude.

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Mamma66 Fri 09-Aug-19 08:54:34

If I’m honest I feel a bit sorry for your Stepson and a lot sorry for your Step Grandchildren. It sounds like your Stepson is struggling a bit, yes, his behaviour is not very considerate but maybe he is exhausted, needs a bit of help and has come ‘home’ to get a bit of respite. You make it abundantly clear he’s not welcome, but it is his Dad’s home. As for the kids, you just sound as though you resent them massively and don’t want them to be there. If you spent a bit of quality time with them you might find their behaviour improved. They have already gone through the upheaval of their parents splitting up, maybe they don’t feel very welcome in your home

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