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I don’t know what to do, I have 2 grandson’s, 6 years ago there dad physically abused them.

(73 Posts)
MadHatter3001 Fri 08-May-20 13:48:20

The police were involved, and the two grandsons did a video statement separately, they took photo’s of there injuries.
He was taken to court and pleaded guilty of a lesser charge (common Assault) the video statement of the two lads were never shown neither was the photo’s.
He was given a fine and wasn’t allowed to see the lads for a year.
A lot more happened in this time but that’s another story.
Then December 14th 2018 he assaulted the oldest grandson again, the police were involved, there was a video of the assault (which happened in his dads place of work) our oldest grandson told the police the was video evidence But by the time they went to question there dad he had deleted the video.
The social services were involved with both incidents and failed to believe my grandson. The police wanted to take it further but the CPS dropped the case.
On Wednesday 6th May 2020, 8:15am our grandsons dad turned up at the daughters house knocked on the door, when she answered he barged past her and ran upstairs to our eldest grandsons bedroom who was asleep and jumped on top of him and physically assaulted him. Our daughter tried to stop what was happening, she eventually pulled him of our grandson and got there dad to leave. Our oldest grandson has got a black eye a bruise on his cheek, strangulation marks around his neck, and hand marks under his arm pits.
Someone called the police and they arrived after the dad had left with our youngest grandson.
Our daughter told the police what had happened and they wanted to talk to our oldest grandson who said “no, they never did anything about the other two times”
The police asked our daughter if they went to see our youngest grandson and asked if he was ok, what would he say.
She said he would say he is because he would have too.
How can someone who keeps abusing his eldest child and once abused our youngest grandson, keeps getting away with it.
We know our daughter and two grandson’s are terrified of him.
Every time we have said or done anything there dad doesn’t like he takes it out on our daughter and grandsons.
We feel helpless the police, social services and the CPS have let them down and now our daughter and grandchildren don’t trust them.

Barmeyoldbat Fri 08-May-20 14:04:07

My heart goes out to you, it must be so stressful. If it was me I would encourage the eldest boy to speak up and say at some point they will believe you. Please keep on to Social Services, the police and everyone at some time help will come.

MadHatter3001 Fri 08-May-20 14:11:42

We have told the social workers but we were told we were being biased because we don’t like there dad.
We have copies of letters and emails we have sent to Social Service we also have recordings of the meetings.
The one social Service person told me and my husband “I have been doing this job for 35 years and I can honestly say how much he loves his children.
What chance does anyone have with that

vampirequeen Fri 08-May-20 14:28:13

Take the child to a and e. They will keep detailed records. Sometimes a child will say something to a doctor or nurse in passing. Even if he doesn't say anything the record of the injuries will be there and then if, God forbid, he is attacked again, your DD will have evidence of previous injuries. The police must also have the video evidence of the original assaults in their files. I wonder if your daughter could get a copy under the Freedom of Information Act. It won't help on this occasion but I think it might be worthwhile collecting and collating whatever evidence exists as it may be useful at a later date.

Has he ever attacked your daughter? Does she have records of bruises etc? If so, put them with the information.

Keep a diary of all incidents even minor threats (if such a thing exists but I hope you know that I mean). Keep every text message and every email. Record every phone call.

Set up cameras in the house (they don't have to be visible). They will record everything he does in your DD's house including how he speaks to and treats the children and your DD.

Sadly I've heard this type of comment from social workers. DH reported concerns about one of his children being inappropriately touched and groomed by her grandmother's partner. He had evidence of the grooming in the form of emails and WhatsApp messages. Despite this he was told that if he insisted on saying such things they (social services) would make sure that he would lose all access to his daughter and son. He couldn't take that risk so stopped complaining even though the inappropriate behaviour continued.

Spuddy2011 Fri 08-May-20 14:33:27

I have just read your forum message and I am appalled at the way your family are being treated, surely if your daughter called social services and reported this latest incident that they would have to act upon it.

Spuddy2011 Fri 08-May-20 14:37:15

I think the advice that Vampirequeen has given you is brilliant in this case,

Oopsadaisy3 Fri 08-May-20 15:02:05

Everything that Vampirequeen has said, but am I misreading this ?
Why does your daughter let him back in?
Can’t she Change the locks and keep him out , has she filed for divorce? Or a restraining order?

MadHatter3001 Fri 08-May-20 15:17:03

I will reply to your msg Vampirequeen.
Oopsadaisy3, she didn’t she answered the door not knowing who it was, he barged past her and went to our grandsons bedroom.
He doesn’t have a key, she’s not married to him.
If she did get a Restraining order, it would make things worse
But I must say again, they are terrified of him. If he can’t do something he will get someone else to.

Hetty58 Fri 08-May-20 15:23:50

I think a door grille or at least a very strong door chain is required. I also like the idea of cameras in the house, just in case. She must phone 999 if he turns up.

MadHatter3001 Fri 08-May-20 15:25:06

I will tell my daughter about the Freedom of information act.
Yes he has attacked her but she’s never gone to the police
We have all the copies of emails and letters and recordings of meetings.
I will talk to her about keeping a diary, we have kept records of the incidents we know about.
Thank you for your input

MadHatter3001 Fri 08-May-20 15:28:35

Social services are no longer involved because of his age. He is not a small child, but isn’t classed as an adult.
I can’t stress enough what there dad is like he’s told both lads that when there 18 he’s going to beat them up.

MadHatter3001 Fri 08-May-20 15:31:20

I think a grille and or a strong door chain also cameras are a very good idea.
I will pass this on to her.

ElaineI Fri 08-May-20 23:52:48

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Dee1012 Sat 09-May-20 00:30:13

I'd suggest that your daughter speaks to Women's Aid, perhaps Victim Support too.
The family are being subjected to abuse and your daughter needs help and support to protect not only her but her children.
I'm surprised the CPS dropped the case as normally they will push for prosecution even without the agreement of the victim.
You could ask for a review of the decision or your daughter could?

BlueBelle Sat 09-May-20 05:19:13

Are you a new poster Madhatter ?

MadHatter3001 Sat 09-May-20 07:21:08

It might not sound true to you.
I wish I had made it up, you should try living through it.
If you could remember where you have read this before please let me know so I can speak to them and they could tell me how to deal with it.

MadHatter3001 Sat 09-May-20 07:26:15

I will speak to my daughter today,
We didn’t know about a review on the decision I will definitely look into that.
Thank you

MadHatter3001 Sat 09-May-20 07:28:07

Yes I am.
This is the first time I’ve ever posted anything

Bibbity Sat 09-May-20 08:42:27

I would check the police complaints procedure and start a formal complaint.

Get her to write a letter to her MP.

Like others have said I would contact women’s aid.

Teacheranne Sat 09-May-20 09:20:05

This an awful situation and I would be asking to speak to someone senior at Social Services.

I was responsible for Child Protection in a Secondary School ( retired two years) and had many dealings with SS who took physical assaults on pupils up to age 16 very seriously, especially if there was photographic evidence.

Do not accept their response regarding the age of your grandchildren if they are under 16. I don't know the situation for older teenagers as our pupils left at age 16.

BlueBelle Sat 09-May-20 09:51:34

How old are your grandsons Madhatter? it’s hard to understand how every service is turning their backs on two children and a frightened mother They are usually very very onboard with physical abuse it’s mental abuse that is so hard to get taken seriously

trisher Sat 09-May-20 09:52:18

I don't understand why your daughter doesn't go to court and get a restraining order, alternatively why doesn't she move house and not let him know where she is? Eiher there is more going on here than you have said or there is something she isn't telling you.

Dancinjay Sat 09-May-20 09:58:26

There is a new domestic abuse act going through parliament at the moment. The police are now taking things like this very seriously - they realise that not only wives/partners are victims Things are changing, I can only encourage your DD and DGS to persevere.

Dee1012 Sat 09-May-20 10:29:51

If you search the CPS website, look for the "Victims Right to Review", from the details you have given, I'm pretty sure this would fit the category.
Victim support can also usually help with safety issues ie chains and grills for the home.

babzi Sat 09-May-20 11:21:59

Firstly, take your grandson straight to A & E every time it happens. The staff have a duty of care and social workers will take it more seriously. Also, do not be scared to make a formal complaint to social work if you feel the social worker is not taking it serious. Engage a solicitor for a restraining order on all your grandchildren. They may be entitled to legal aid in their own right depending on age. If there is a domestic violence unit in the area ask them to install alarms and a panic button which can be linked to the police station. Women's aid would be very useful as they will know where to access help for you too. They also may be able to offer counselling for mum and grandsons for trauma. My advice is report, report, report and take photos of injuries and keep a diary. You may feel put down by this social workers comments but keep reporting regardless. to police, medical staff, GP And womens aid. Can this child speak up for himself at solicitor? Get help before this dangerous man causes any more injuries.