Christmas money for grown up grandkids

Good grief Madmother21, you must be very wealthy to be able to afford to give £2000 away at Christmas. It seems you also buy presents for your grandsons. I like to be generous myself, but I must admit I rather envy what your financial status enables you to do for your family.

I tried the stop buying for neices at reaching age 18, but was then in the uncomfortable position of buying for 1 sister in a family and not the other, so bottled out and have continued for all nephews and neices. I draw the line at their partners, but now in the difficult position that relatives give Christmas gifts to my son's partner so finding it hard to define a reasonable line of exclusion.

Our family stop at 21 give a bigger present for 21st birthday then stop seems to work ok

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

By all means scale back on money and gift giving if it is causing financial anxiety due to own reduced income, but don't assume adult grandchildren will all be employed by Christmas. Many are at risk of redundancy. It may also be an opportunity to clarify you do not really want any gifts yourself at the same time and that a card will suffice.
Christmas 2020 is likely to be difficult fo many families, emotionally and financially.

I think my DH's family, he is one of four siblings, had the right idea when they all agreed to stop buying for nieces and nephews when they reached 18. Not a problem on my side as I am an only child so, until I had my children, there was only my mum and her unmarried sister to buy for. DH and I have never bought Presents for each other as we couldn't afford it when we were young and had a family and now we can afford to buy whatever we want (within reason).

There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling the family that gifts of money are a thing of the past, now that you have retired.

It is important that you discuss present giving with them. My mother suddenly stopped giving presents and gave some little thing instead.

Frankly, I would have preferred her to be honest and not suddenly to start giving useless things like an Advent calender and a string of fairy lights that neither DH or I wanted when we were in our early fifties.

I think the new rules should be for them all, not only the adult grandchildren. Children, who are children, get so much. It will do them no harm to realise that you have less to live on right now.

I come from a family were once you reached 16 Christmas gifts stopped as it was the only gift you ever got I decided I would break the cycle and I have so budget of £10 to DH grand children all grown up with children of there own. Found great gift for them on Amazon they have retro sweet hampers under £10.
To get photos of adults, all of them parents , enjoying lollipops, blackjacks,ect after there kids gone to bed priceless

Jaxie, we aren’t particularly wealthy, more comfortable. We wouldn’t give the money if we couldn’t afford, but we are pensioners and fortunate to have a pretty reasonable pension which is more than enough for our needs. And I would rather give the family money now and I can see them enjoy spending it.

Nannan, I enjoy watching the family treating themselves, I don’t need the money and I can’t take it with me.

I am amazed how generous you all are! my story is a little different and I have posted this before on similar threads - as a DIL not a grandmother.

My MIL had 2 sons, my DH is the elder. MIL was a widow and she would give us both a small gift and a cheque for £20 for Christmas and birthdays, and a similar arrangement for our DD. Thank you very much Mum.

After several years for her 18th birthday DD received a cheque for £1000! Wow thank you very much Mum!

A few weeks later MIL admitted to my DH that she normally gave that amount to DS2 for his birthday and Christmas and she had checked with him that he was happy for her to give it to her GD as it was her 18th. He had agreed to this.

In total these payments went on for 20 years - I am sure you can all do the sums.

The grown up gc really don't need pressies and probably won't care less.

Not Grandchildren but nieces and Nephews and now great Nieces and Nephews. I said I would stop Birthday and Christmas gifts at age 21. But feel mean giving some of them gifts and not their older siblings.

This year, because most of us are broke, the whole family has agreed to either gifts from charity shops or home-made. That includes me, my 2 sons and partners, 3 grandchildren, my niece, her husband and 2 kids, and my mum and dad. Nothing over £5.

We now decorate a small box per family and fill it with treats for each of them, a bottle of wine, nuts, chocolate etc. We buy them a bit at a time when doing our usual shop.

We buy the under 18's gifts (asking their Mums what they want). We did explain to everyone that we had decided to do it in this way, and that we didn't expect gifts from them. It works!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Once first nephew was working (living at home) he had a lot more disposable income than me, so I gave up on presents. I did however promise something nice once he started living independently. I guess the same is true of grandchildren.

I'm in the same boat. I haven't talked to my kids about it but must. Not sure what I'm going too.

We do a secret Santa for the adults in the family which means just one big present to buy, and then small presents for the children, but as this year we almost certainly won’t all be together I’m not sure what we’ll do.

chocolatepudding

Just read your comments. That does sound most unfair. Intrigued as to why. Was your DH earning a lot more money than his brother, was younger brother the favourite? And she had to run it past him to give extra for the 18th birthday?

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Yes, definitely stop giving them money! As working adults they're no doubt getting more income than you now anyway. I stopped buying gifts for birthdays and Christmas when the GC reached 18. My AC had an idea one year to buy either from a charity shop or a Pound Shop for all the adults in their lists. Most of the charity shop purchases have been really great gifts and we have had many a giggle at the Pound Shop buys.

Lesley 60 my DH and I have decided to give our 6 grandchildren a little wrapped up Christmas present this year it’ll work out cheaper in the long run than giving them money which costs us a sma fortune. Personally I think we can buy something interesting of good quality and I find it more satisfying in giving these little tokenistic items to unwrap on the day

Have a cut off age is the best way. If all the family agree it makes all the birthday/christmas present hunting hassle go away. We stop at 18. I only have to buy two presents!

i'm a senior on a fixed income and I'm wondering if 18 would be a good age to stop giving Chiristmas money to my Greatl Nieces and Great Nephews? I originaly was giving Money gifts to 5 Great Nieces, 8 Great Nephews and 2 Great Great Nephews. I already cut out giving Christmas money to 6 of the Great Nephews and 1 Great Niece because they are over 18. 2 of the Great Nieces and 1 of the Great Nephews are 16 year old triplets. They have a younger brother that is 9 years old. I was thinking about when the Triplets turn 18, if I shoild cut out giving them Christmas money, but continue to still give Christmas money to their younger brother until he turns 18? Any help with this question will be appreciated.

My relations do not want for anything. I don’t give any nephews or nieces anything! Nor brothers or sisters. In their Christmas cards I write which charity we have donated to this year. My children get £25 as do their children. Usually small “bits” like socks just to unwrap. The whole Christmas is just far far too comercialised.