Retire to care for 1yr old?

Yes, do it if you want to. I have been driving 85 miles each way for five years now. I used to go up on a Sunday evening and drive home Monday evening one day a week. I used to work Wednesday Thursday and Friday then too. Could you work three days a week instead of four? GD is five now and at school. I now collect her from school two days a week (I stay over) and drive home when the first parent gets home. I retired three years ago because of changes at work, but considered it carefully. I have no regrets and still love it.

Silvertwigs

@ GagaJo I wish that were the case for me! I’ve my 19 year old GD living with me, not working and refuses to study or do any form of voluntary work, I’m at my wits end!! ??

Ah, that's a different kettle of fish.

My adult DD (and DGS) live with me. DD is very hard to live with although she is thankfully working now.

I helped with my first grandchildren three full days a week. On two occasions because of illness full time for a couple of months it aged me terribly. My third grandchild was born and I was asked to go twice a week to child mind. Its over sixty miles away I said no I will not drive that far plus I did not want commitment. I felt mean but willingly child mind on the odd occasion that’s not a problem.

don't give up your job if you still enjoy it.It's just too long a drive,I hope your daughter can understand,and can make other arrangements.

That's quite a tie. Only do it if you really, really want to and can afford to.

In the OPs situation I would apply to work part-time as she loves her job
Then I would drive up the day before and stay overnight making it a regular visit.
That's the only way I would consider this due to the distance unless DD would drop off DGC at my home and I would drop them back staying overnight at DDs.

A few questions to ask yourself:

Do you even want to do this?

Do you like work? Can you afford to retire?

Is there a plan for bad weather days? Will you need to spend nights (is there room), what if you can’t make it due to weather or illness?

Will you be paid?

What will be expected of you? Childcare? Cleaning? Cooking?

Is this going to be the only grandchild??are you prepared to do this for other grandchildren?

Can you quit with no hard feelings? What if they fire you?

This is a huge thing they are asking of you. Personally (and I know I’m an odd one out) I don’t love grandparent daycare. I dislike the feelings of duty that often come with it. I wanted to be able to manage childcare without the guilt that comes with family care.

That said, for one offs and weekends I think it’s great to help out if a grandparent wants.

mrsbirdy

Firstly, I agree with those on here who think that if you want a relationship with your grandchild it's good to get in at the start. I have no regrets about moving 250 miles to be near our daughter when she decided to have children. Now teenagers they call on us most days and we still do our turn chauffeuring to their many activities. These are relationships that will sustain us in our really old age.
Secondly, I agree that a 70 mile distance is too much if it's a round trip of 140 miles, but I don't think 35 miles is too much. I drove 35 miles to work for 18 years. I found it therapeutic. But there was the odd day when I got snowed in and if this is the one day when you are expected to drive you have a problem.

My suggestion is that you organise with your daughter to travel there the night before she needs you, and that you leave the morning after you finish doing your child-minding. That will give you more rest and more chance to get to know your grandchild. It will also give you several other days to maybe find a part-time job if you need one, or to do some other voluntary work so that you don't feel the loneliness of retirement.

My offspring live a long way from me, so we couldn't do daycare if we wanted to. Pre Covid we went down for a long weekend taking in what I still call Baker days and looked after GC on Friday or Monday it always worked very well. Until just before Covid, we went to do Thursday and Friday.
All was well until Friday afternoon when I had had enough of playing games. My GD aged 6 picked up on this and suggested DH and her could go for a walk. They were away about 2 and a half hours and I began to worry. Both came back with grins.Dh said he had been led along a country path he roughly knew across a field and through a hedge to a country pub with tables. GD suggested they had some refreshments and a packet of crisps!!
I would say think carefully, your job is your independence and what you commit to is not always what you get.
People in our village found commuting 20 x2 every day too much so bought a house near their DH. They left a village where they were well known and ended up after three years in a house in an area where they knew no one and the child had started school they were redundant.

I wouldn’t do it for a 70 mile drive even retired. If you continued to work it would probably be cheaper, less stressful (what if you get held up by an accident and didn’t arrive on time, stressful for you, parents and possibly child) if you paid for child to go to nursery for that day. There are huge benefits for a child to go to nursery such as socialising and learning. Both my grandchildren benefitted through going to nursery and you would only pay for the day until they turn 3 as the government provide up to 15 hours free child care places. Retire when you want not because you need to become a carer. If your daughter says well you will have the opportunity to bond, you can do that anyway if you see your grandchild regularly. My advice is not to retire, if you like your life as it is now and for another few years.

I feel a mistake women make is drop their own lives for family

What happens if these plans don't work?

You are your own person first, with your identity, a grandmother second

In a nutshell, no I would not drive 70 miles AND retire early to babysit my child, it's a bit selfish for your daughter to ask! You put yourself first as I'm sure you've put others first all of your adult life, no, no and no!!

The amount of State pension you received would be affected if you retire before your state pension age. However you can claim National Insurance credits for looking after grandchildren. They are called "Specified adult childcare credits"

One day only? And is that a 140mile round trip? Even at 70 it's a hike.ok in glorious spring/summer but winter? Not worth giving up your job early for. I think it's a tall order and sounds a bit selfish? Think carefully before ditching the job you'll find it impossible to get another if circs should change.

I dropped my working week to 4 days so that I can drive 60 miles on Tuesday night for an overnight stay with my D-i-L, ready for a busy Wednesday with my nearly 2 year old GS, and then drive back on Wednesday evening. It's my favourite day of the week and well worth the travel to be a regular part of his early life (which I missed with my own grandparents and also with my children's grandparents who lived further away). I wouldn't retire to do it, but my employer was very flexible when he knew how much I wanted to enable my D-i-L to return to her work as a primary school teacher.

And another thought, who's footing the fuel bill? Car getting a hammering too. Believe me one year old turns to 2and playschool/nursery in a trice then you may find yourself belting up and down to and from playschool etc and the more you do , honestly the more DD will expect.

GoldenAge

mrsbirdy

Firstly, I agree with those on here who think that if you want a relationship with your grandchild it's good to get in at the start. I have no regrets about moving 250 miles to be near our daughter when she decided to have children. Now teenagers they call on us most days and we still do our turn chauffeuring to their many activities. These are relationships that will sustain us in our really old age.
Secondly, I agree that a 70 mile distance is too much if it's a round trip of 140 miles, but I don't think 35 miles is too much. I drove 35 miles to work for 18 years. I found it therapeutic. But there was the odd day when I got snowed in and if this is the one day when you are expected to drive you have a problem.

My suggestion is that you organise with your daughter to travel there the night before she needs you, and that you leave the morning after you finish doing your child-minding. That will give you more rest and more chance to get to know your grandchild. It will also give you several other days to maybe find a part-time job if you need one, or to do some other voluntary work so that you don't feel the loneliness of retirement.

This is like the diary of a slave to children! Moving to be near .when they've patently moved well away from you! Still being an unpaid taxi? I've seen it with my sister using parents for 40+ years then slam!! In very old age?shoved in a home and !EFT to it! I was never ever included in the others' holidays etc and living in each others pockets and was bemused by mums shock when she did get dumped!

Yes definitely,I retired 17 years ago at 58 and ended up looking after my first grandchild,one of the most wonderful experiences of my life the bond that developed is still amazing——-I have 6 more GC now and have looked after all of them various days of the week,one an hours drive away,but so worth it——-the love you receive and give is unbelievable.

In response to some comments. Her state pension would not be affected if she retired now. It would not be 'impossible' to find another job if she went back to work.

Not impossible but perhaps not easy either Kryptonite. And of course OP may be in an occupational pension scheme and could lose out there.

I know that these days mothers have to work because of financial problems but they should not expect their mothers to care for their children.
I didn’t have to look after my grandchildren but we are close.

Bijou

Or because the mothers also want a career and a family, just like men have?

Hithere

I feel a mistake women make is drop their own lives for family

What happens if these plans don't work?

You are your own person first, with your identity, a grandmother second

I mostly agree with this. However, GC are a lovely part of our lives. I enjoy playing a large part.

No - not without a great deal of thought - what will you do with the other 3 days. How much does your social life connect with your work, you would lose a lot of that. Once a week is a a big commitment. At that distance there will be considerable mileage added to your car and the subsequent loss of value - can you afford all that. Much to ponder

I retired just after my GS was born but my DS and DiL were moving abroad so apart from helping with the move I haven't been involved with childcare. They are returning to the UK later this year and I plan to downsize and move nearer so I can be involved, but I've already said I'm not offering regular childcare but would be willing to step in when regular arrangements fall through due to illness or other emergency. I feel that I don't have the energy required to help on a regular (I'm 67 now) and I certainly wouldn't cope with a significant commute - I couldn't have coped with that distance when I worked!

I was a stay at home mum, but still remember how difficult it was to arrange for childcare on occasions for any sort of emergency as I didn't have any family nearby, so I hope what I've offered will be helpful without being too big a commitment for me.

I realise too that once I move nearer I need to build a new life for myself in the new area, make new friends and get involved in new things as there is no guarantee their family will remain where they plan to live in the longer term. If their jobs move them elsewhere I don't want to have to relocate again in order to have a life near them. I'm looking forward to living nearer and being involved, but can't put my whole life on hold to help them, knowing that as my GS gets older I'll no longer be needed.

I'll be moving to a much cheaper area with this move, not so much downsizing as down-pricing, so there are other benefits for me too. I'll be nearer other family and old friends who live in that part of the country, but it will still be a huge uprooting as I've lived where I am now for nearly 20 years.
I feel that I need this to be my last major relocation in my life as big changes get harder to make the older you get.

Whatever you decide I wish you luck, but I realised I need to be realistic about what I'm capable of, and offering to do something then finding it is too much to cope with would probably be a bigger let down than saying no in the first place. Make sure you aren't being pushed into something which is too big an ask!