Retire to care for 1yr old?

I’d do it tomorrow if I could
70 miles is quite a distance though
Can you go the night before and stay over?

I would see your work situation as your last to build up your pension pot before retiring and having to maybe live on the state pension so I would not rush to retire prematurely unless you really hate your job. Also a 70 mile trip can be quite a heavy burden in bad weather, ill health, heavy traffic etc.

Don`t do it, if you retire, the one day will most likely turn into 2 days upwards.

Forgot to say, I drive 3 hours each way to do my stint regularly, usually once a fortnight, staying over the night before. 2 grandchildren to care for now. It is very tiring, but will change all too soon when school days come along. I recover the next day then go out to work the rest of the week. More driving! I treasure these times so much and know how quickly it will be over. We have a close relationship which makes it all worthwhile. I get no help with petrol etc .

Yes, in the summer months----fine, but come winter ? Bad roads ?
I'd think twice myself.

Kryptonite, I couldn't agree more. Drink it in while we can!

70 mile drive,could take the best part of 2 hours depends on toads and traffic. Will your go to DDs the night before if she an early start? Then drive back end of childminding day. Think it would be a No from me. I did very rarely travel 35 miles each way to childmind for the day and it is not easy, a lot more time consuming than you think.

Do you want to do it and can you afford to do it? As others have said 70 miles is a long trip. Would you be staying the night before, or are you happy to be getting up very early and then having another long journey in the evening? I hope you can work something out, that suits everyone; but if not take into account what is best for you.

Hetty58,
I totally agree with your last paragraph.
Some AC think it is your duty to provide childcare when you have retired.
I know plenty of GP's who have no qualms providing CC but other want to enjoy their retirement in their own way.

No, I wouldn’t commit to travelling 70 miles and working a full day, then travelling home again feeling shattered (and you will be!). You don’t mention whether you have a partner who could help?
It would be a lovely way to bond with your grandchild, but I would only consider it if I could stay the nights before and after. We looked after our grandson one day a week, but that was locally (6 miles).
I wouldn’t give up work if you need to build up your pension. Personally I couldn’t wait to retire! Never looked back!
FYI - There is a benefit you can claim for caring for a grandchild under 12 - even if it’s only one day a week.
‘Specified Adult Childcare Credits’ transfer NI credits to your pension entitlement from the working parent. I tried to claim, but my daughter didn’t work enough hours.
Personally (I’ll get shouted down for this - ?) I would recommend you to help your daughter financially so that she can stay at home herself with the baby (novel idea?), then you will be able to visit in a more relaxed way. ? Call me old-fashioned, but I still think that young babies need their Mums.

Could? is not the same as WILL be retiring.
Do not commit yourself /make any promises to your daughter
until that day arrives.

I went from five to four working days so that I could look after my one year old grandson one day a week. Daughter only lives about 10 mins away and brought him to me and collected before bathtime. Did that for three years and loved every second of it. Now the same with second grandson and enjoying one on one time with him. Both went/go to nursery three days. Mum had/has one day at home with them.
I do think it must my your choice to do this. It’s hard work.

15 years ago I did exactly that and retired to look after my twin grandchildren. ( I was 60 at the time).Their live in Nanny married and returned to the South of England when they were 3 and just starting nursery school. They found alternative care for 3 days but were desperate for 2 days cover. I too lived a fair way from them (80 miles). I decided to do it for a year only and traveled to them on a Monday and slept over returning on Tuesday evening. It gave me a wonderful chance to bond with my grandchildren taking them out and about after their morning in nursery school. I was also able to cook for my daughter and her wife and they kindly paid my petrol costs so it was win win for us all. Go for it.

No, the child is the choice of the parents, grandparents are a by product of a choice someone else makes about their life. Your grandchild will soon be at playgroup, then nursery, then school, then university. Perhaps it would be better to keep working or doing what you enjoy and if helpful make a financial contribution to child care and then go at holiday times and do the granny child care bit.

I did exactly that. I always felt that I wanted to be involved when my daughter had children so I gave up work at 57 to help with childcare and almost 7 years later I'm still doing it. My daughter also lives a good distance away so every other week (I share with the other grandma) I travel to my daughter's, stay overnight and spend Tues to Thurs there providing the care. It's been hard work and friends and family have told me I'm mad but I wouldn't have missed it for anything. I have such a close relationship with my two grandsons it has been worth every minute. I'm fortunate in that my daughter is a teacher so I have school holidays off and when she had her second baby I had a year's 'maternity leave'! My time will come to an end later this year when my youngest grandchild goes to school. It will be a relief in many ways to have my time back but I will miss it too. It's certainly not for everyone so needs very careful consideration before making that final step. It has saved my daughter a fortune and probably cost me a lot financially but you can't put a price of what grandchildren give you back.

When I was in my early sixties I used to travel probably about three days a week avoiding long journeys on Fridays as traffic is dreadful. I worked as a therapeutic peripatetic counsellor in lots of different schools and hospitals. Journeys to the East Coast about 70 miles and then moving around from one appointment to another all day. This meant very long days and sometimes not getting home until 7.30pm. I loved the work, I enjoyed the thinking time between each stop with the driving. two days a week I planned my appointments for places closer to home. But would I have driven 140 miles per day to child-mind? Oddly enough no. I think it would have been more exhausting than the job I was doing.

Is you health up to it? Childcare is exhausting! I’ve looked after my GS from 21mths. He’s just started school. I was 64 when I started but really notice the difference now. I drive 16 miles e/w but stay overnight in the winter as his parents both leave before 8am. It’s very rewarding and I feel very privileged to have cared for him but it’s a big commitment so be sure before you start. We agreed beforehand that if I did something they didn’t like, or I wasn’t sure why they did something in a particular way we would talk about it without getting offended, but I would follow their rules.

@ GagaJo I wish that were the case for me! I’ve my 19 year old GD living with me, not working and refuses to study or do any form of voluntary work, I’m at my wits end!! ??

70 miles is a long journey, especially during the winter months. However, I retired at 58 after my first DGC was born, 2nd one arrived 21 months later. It was always my wish to take care of any GC as I didn't want them to be placed in a nursery setting so young. It is tiring, but wow what a privilege. I did 3 days a week now its school run morning and afternoon 2 days a week. I only live 2 mile for them so that is a bonus. I have a lovely relationship with them both and I am sure this has been enhanced by our close relationship since birth.

I had a similar dilemma a year ago but I was retired. Both of my daughters thought I should commit to childcare 1 day a week involving a 70 mile round trip. I stood firm….said that DH and I would always help out as child care back up and also for the occasional weekend or overnight stay. I also offered to make a monthly contribution to both daughters for childcare. It’s all worked out very well. We tend to go once a week anyway when the children are not at nursery school so we have a great relationship with them. We are not obligated in any way and we really enjoy going for a few hours on our own terms. I brought up 3 daughters and worked hard as a teacher. I do not intend to be tied to regular commitments anymore!!

I'd just say no

No absolutely not, if you are asking advice and opinions you must know deep down it’s a big deal. 70 mile round journey or each way? A good idea might be book annual leave for four weeks in a row on that day, see how you get on… at 65 you will giving up a wage, also spending money on fuel, less interaction with colleagues and one year olds are hard work. I’d stick with enjoying being a visiting grandma, if your daughter is desperate and can’t afford childcare, you’d almost be better off paying for childcare for her, the money and time you’d loose. Saying that, if you don’t like work and the money is pocket money and you’ll stay at daughters and enjoy your time there, then of course you should do it x

Good grief. Not a chance!

You could offer ££ help towards the costs of nursery childcare and visit them when it suits you and maybe occasional weekend babysitting?

I would - particularly if physically and financially ok

Here are some questions I would like to suggest that you ask yourself before making up your mind:

Do you enjoy your work?
Can you afford to retire now?
If you retire and spend 1 day a week looking after your grandson, what are you going to do for the rest of the week?
Do you enjoy driving?
Who will be paying the petrol? You, or your daughter?
Why does she only need child-care one day a week?
How well do you and she get on?
Will she be paying you, or are you helping for free?
Do you enjoy looking after small children?

I love being retired, nothing would persuade me to go back to work, and I love looking after children, but that said, I don't think I would drive either 2x 35 miles or 2x 70 miles to do so.

But it all depends a great deal on how you and your daughter get on.

There are lots of posts on here about the joys and problems of grandparents providing child-care. Have you read them? If not, please have a look.

It is hard to say no to our children, or other family, and even harder to imagine that problems might occur.

If you decide to retire now and agree to your daughter's suggestion, please sit down with her before you do anything else and work out EXACTLY what services you are expected to provide, discuss discipline, food, shopping etc. and write down what you agree on. It may come in very useful at some point in the future. And remember to discuss whether she can expect you to jump in at the drop of a hat and stay for a whole week every time the little one is ill, as I assume she cannot stay off work to cope with a sick kiddy.

I would also ask her how long she envisages this arrangement going on for. Do you want to be tied to one day a week at her place until he starts school?

I would also tell her that driving to hers, looking after a toddler all day and driving home again afterwards is too much, so you will need to spend the night at her place, either, preferably, as you will be tired after looking after the little one all dayat the end of that day - but that may not be practicable if it means a very early start for you in the morning. So driving to her the day before, staying overnight, looking after your grandson, then driving home may be the better option.