To young to be an interest grandparent

You say your son is ‘entitled’ and has had everything he has ever wanted do you think that could have something to do with him being too immature to leave home at the age of 20 ?He and the girlfriend are both full time workers but spend all their money on themselves does this fit in with him having had a life of entitlement (probably she has too)

The biggest gift you can give you son is to start taking rent and food money teaching him how to budget and how the cook, wash, clean

Do you not realise that you are feeling too young to be a grandmother because you had a child at 16 If you a had had a first child at the same age as your son 20+ you would have been a grandma in your 40 s The girlfriend is 21 so they are both old enough to be able to be a family but if they have both been spoilt throughout their childhood how can they suddenly come up to the mark
I do wish you luck I m not sure how it will pan out but I don’t think your bitterness towards the girlfriend is necessarily going to be helpful to anyone including yourself hopefully it’s just shock and disappointment and will pass with time

Lomond
I know this is easier said than done but please put all plans on the back burner. An awful lot can happen between now and July. I won’t spell that out but I’m sure you get my meaning.

Where are all the council houses?
Long time passing,
where are all the council houses?
long time ago. ?
All the council houses got sold for a quid and none were replaced. We know a few people who made a mint when they resold fir the local going rate. The rest and those coming along after just lost out.
Thanks Mrs Thatcher ( not) .

I don't think people did make a mint. A lot of people paid rent for years. The concept itself is fine but they needed to be replaced, which they weren't and now we have ex council houses being rented out privately with not enough regulation for silly prices
These lot are much much worse than Mrs Thatcher

fwiw people in HA houses with secure tenancies are still allowed to buy their homes

JaneJudge

fwiw people in HA houses with secure tenancies are still allowed to buy their homes

Yes, they are.

The concept itself is fine but they needed to be replaced
Yes, the money should have been used to build more.

Mrs Thatcher was trying to woo the population prior to an election. Does anyone remember the well known Lady ?who was head of Westminster council selling council homes for £1 ? A total scandal.
Can’t remember her name though.

There is good social housing provision in my village to satisfy local need, and the tenancies mainly pass through the family. The new ones, flats and houses tend to go to young parents with local connections as I realised when ridiculously young former pupils arrived at school to register their children.
No affordable houses for people who earned too much to qualify but not enough to afford the enormous deposit on a starter home.
Perhaps this young couple isn't as stupid as we all think: no home, forced to live between parental homes, no savings, unable to afford rent; they would be at the top of the list if they had grown up here.

JaneJudge

I don't think people did make a mint. A lot of people paid rent for years. The concept itself is fine but they needed to be replaced, which they weren't and now we have ex council houses being rented out privately with not enough regulation for silly prices
These lot are much much worse than Mrs Thatcher

Well, I know one family who did. Gorgeous house, single row in the countryside. Backed onto fields. Sold to an elderly couple, both of whom who died within the next five years, allowing their DS to inherit.

I didn't think there was an earning cap on social housing?

Tenancies can't pass through families here.

There isn't a cap here.
Would they evict someone for getting a well paid job?

If anyone is interested a quick google reveals it was Shirley Lady Porter, who went to Israel after the debacle.

GagaJo

I didn't think there was an earning cap on social housing?

there is a cap for applying for social housing

It seems it varies from borough to borough.
I stand corrected.

Two thoughts. Firstly, this is the son's 'problem' - an unplanned baby. The OP's job is to support her son. He is probably scared, excited, lost, worried but has accepted his role as father. Good for him. OP needs to support him best she can. Ideally help the young couple set up a home for the family. To be honest doesn't sound like 'dad' was part of girlfriend's plan when she decided SHE WANTED A BABY. My money is on the OP's son not being with the GF and looking for access before long. Hope not.

Second thought: friend of mine was adopted (1950's). When she looked up her real family later in life she found out the grandparents forced their daughter to put the unplanned baby up for adoption, against her will as she was under age. After having the baby she stayed at home under protest then promptly left when she became of age. The grandparents realised they had not only lost their daughter but also their first grandchild. They died shortly after, heartbroken. I would urge the OP to focus on being there for her son. Doesn't mean she has to take them all in indefinitely but to help them become an independent family in their own home as soon as possible.

My son became a father for the first time at 19, I am not revealing anymore details as to do so will ''out'' me.

My guess about the girlfriend's mother is she is in love with being a grandmother and cannot see ahead beyond a lovely little baby to fuss over. They do not stay babies or little children for long.

I now have a grown up grandchild living with me, she was once a lovely little baby as well.

If the son and girlfriend do stay together, make sure he knows he needs to take responsibility for contraception. I know two men (unrelated) whose partners quickly got pregnant a 2nd time. Both blokes weren't aware that the first time wasn't an accident. But both felt duped the 2nd time.

I have to be honest, with both of them, first time round, I felt for them. The 2nd time? Clearly they learned nothing from the 1st time.

I'd be supportive - but no way would I allow them to live in my house. I think it's totally different being a paternal grandparent. Daughters usually gravitate towards their parents when a baby's on the way.

Ideally, they do need their own home, though - so now's the time to plan towards it. They can apply directly to housing associations and get on the council waiting list too. Here, there's never a council house available, just 'temporary' private rented accommodation for council tenants.

silverlining48 Are you remembering Lady Porter? How to win votes & influence people!!

Yes indeed PECS.

She was the daughter of Jack Cohen who founded Tesco, Since she was condemned of gerrymandering I have avoided using Tesco whereever I can, and it is very easy to do so.

If you can love and want your own baby you should be able to love and want a grandchild and not feel resentful.

I don't agree with this. The love you have for your own much wanted and longed for child cannot be compared to, or replaced by, someone else's child - even a grandchild - and to suggest that Lomond should love and want someone else's child as a replacement for her own must be very hurtful indeed. I can easily understand that, at just 36 years old, she's being asked to take on a role that she's nowhere near ready to face - and her feelings of anger and resentment about the impact that it will have on her own young life are just as valid as anyone else's.

I am very doubtful about how this is all going to work out. The couple don't seem to have been together very long, aren't living together and, I suspect, have very little idea how a baby takes over your life. The idea of moving between their homes complete with baby sounds lovely until you try it.

When I was 36 my younger child was 6. The idea of a grandchild would have horrified me at that age, I was still too involved with being a parent.

I agree Chew. My child was wanted and has always been much loved. I don’t have grandchildren and maybe never will but I can’t imagine my feelings for a grandchild comparing with the love I have for my son.