To young to be an interest grandparent

I think you need some time to think this through,could you chat to your friends and explain your feelings or go for counseling,as these are your feelings.Your life will obviously change so much it is hard to accept,especially as everyone will be talking about the baby.That said it may work out better than you think,the very best for the future.

An unplanned pregnancy upends the lives of everyone -- the child's parents, grandparents, and others. However, this child did not ask to be born and deserves love and care. You own your feelings of disappointment and anger toward you son and GF, and the circumstances are not ideal, but everyone will get through this. Perhaps some therapy could help you to process your feelings and prepare you to accept the grandchild into this world. This child's soul journey is not yours to decide.

Is it possible that part of their immature muddled thinking on this is that your son doesn't want to abandon you by moving out and that they both think that you will feel left out of they move in with her Mum full time? If that was the case they might be relieved to be reassured that you wouldn't feel that way.

I wish I had been younger when I became a gran. With a lot more energy and be able to play football etc. with them.
Just enjoy it when it comes. Think of all the things you will be able to do and the age gap with your own 5 year old won't be that much.
Someone I know remarried and had another child at the age I was when I became a gran and it is starting to take its toll much as they vowed it wouldn't.

I don’t understand your attitude at all. Thus will be your sons child. Like it or not you’ll be a grandma. Why not rejoice in your grandchild? I know ours of people who would give their eye teeth to be a grandmother

Hi there.

How were Your parents when you became pregnant and subsequently had Your Son...?

I find it difficult to put myself in your shoes but I have now been a grandmother for 3 years and one thing I have now understood- that I would have been totally disbelieving about beforehand- is how much I love my grandchildren. I look after the oldest one day every week and ( as I am 60) I am exhausted at the end of the day but I honestly never expected to have such a bond and to love her so much.
I have a friend who was in your situation but was a decade older and her son and girlfriend split up after 18 months and he did for a while stay at her house (with child half the time ) but now has moved on… she has grandchild one day and night each week and has a 13 year old herself. The relationship with grandchild is so special… but like you I honestly wasn’t bothered about it beforehand.
Whatever happens, if you love them all, it’ll pan out! Good luck!

An old friend of mine had her first child at 15. 14 years later her daughter presented them with their first grandchild, my friend was only 29 and a grandmother. She went on to have two more children, one of them born on the same day as her second grandchild. The closeness of all their ages and their youth made them a very close, supportive family. The young grandparents had the youth and energy to enjoy having babies and small children around, which many older GPs don't.

Personally I think your negative attitude. and particularly that of your husbands. is ridiculous. There is no reason at all why you should not have more children of your own. You are your own family, what your son and his GF choose to do is irrelevant. If you continue with your current attitude you will alienate your son and his GF and worse still miss out on the joys of being a grandparent, and a parent again yourself. Your grandchild, and your own future child(ren), will just accept their extended family for what it is - hopefully a happy family.

In past generations it was very common for women to still be having their own children after they had become grandparents. Why should it matter now?

Life takes unexpected twists and turns and doesn't always follow the path we had envisaged or planned. Embrace the changes, look at them a different way. You're going to be grandparents! Young, youthful, energetic, full of life and enthusiasm, and with time to see your grandchild become an adult, too many older grandparents don't have that privilege. Stop complaining that your life is being turned upside down and not going how you expected it to and just get on with it. Your son and GF need your support now (not financially or materially) just to know that you're on their side and are there for them, and most importantly for you grandchild.

Although I can understand your shock, none of this is the new baby's fault. Just love your grandchild. I hope your husband will be persuaded to become a dad again. You are all so young and close in age that it must be hard to get your heads around this. In time you will. Your son must take pride in his new role and get his priorities right to provide for his child himself.

I was upset when my daughter and her husband decdied to adopt. They never tried for a "natural" baby. I was really worried I'd not love him, I DO. He is my grandson, I hate that I see him only once or twice a year and his other grandparents (who have other grandchildren living close by) see him at least once a week.

Yes you will be a young gran but I don't think 20 and 21 is particularly young to have a family, however, the way it has come about suggests the relationship may not last so I would make as good a bond with the baby as you can. If someone told you about the baby but said you could have nothing to do with it or see it how would you feel, would you really not care?

This is your Grandchild
Cant unerstand how you can be so heartless
You should support your son.and partner and give this child a chance of a loving family

How long for?

My oldest son and his ex gf had a child at similar age has yours. They were together 9wks when she fell. He had just starting in the military. He didn’t want any children then but unknown to him she wanted a baby of her own. She told me he didn’t know. She thought it would be a birthday surprise. I was in shock and told them they had opinions. Her parents didn’t like what i said and allowed us to get used to the baby. By the time he arrived I was looking forward to him. We got to see him for 4 months. Until my son came home one weekend to find them gone. Her parents and her and Baby moved to Australia. His name wasn’t on birth certificate because she did that when my son was away. My grandson is 16 now and all I have is photos. My message is be careful what you say. It might come back and haunt you. But when grandkids come along we all feel like we too young to be a grandparent. The love you have for your grandkids is on a whole new level. I dot mine.

How sad Nanashirlz ?

A grandparent (to my children) suggested I had options and even went so far as to say I should have had an abortion with different pregnancies... We have no contact now and looking back I wish those moments were when I made that choice. Others stronger than me would have walked away then. You absolutely can't take those words back sometimes

I hope OP is venting here but not saying things to her son she can't take back. Some words break relationships

I was 41 when my 19 year old son and his girlfriend had a baby. It wasn't what I wanted for him and I felt I wasn't ready to be a nanny but it turned out to be the best thing ever. A grandchild is just wonderful whatever the circumstances and I don't see why it should stop you having more children if you want to. However I do think they should sort out their living arrangements, it isn't fair to presume they can live with you.

Wow, sorry to hear that Violetsky. At no point should a Grandparent ever mention abortion. It's just not their place or their decision.

I was quite a young Grandma and while I was stunned at how early, there's no way I'd have suggested abortion. We have always made the best of everything and my daughter inlaws parents did actually suggest there was an abortion. Things were very bad between them for a while, but they seem to have mended things now.

A grandchild is very different to a child. I think it's best to wait and bond with the baby when it's born. It's your son's baby and not the baby's fault when it's born. Babies need love and bring love. Just because you don't want to live with the baby does not mean you can't be a loving GP that has the baby to visit.

I don’t blame you hon. You’re soo young still and you were practically a baby yourself when you got pregnant.
I think that’s how my mum felt when my eldest sister got pregnant with my niece.
Poor old mum had had 5 kids. I was the youngest and age 4 when my sister age 17 had her daughter.
My mum was about 38 then and felt like she was done with having kids and wanted her life back!

Wow that’s more than harsh.
If I was your son I’d pack my bags and go, say goodbye and go off to live happily with my partner and her mum, who seems to be much more prepared to be a grandmother.

They both work full time you say. Why can they not find their own accommodation. There will be benefits to help with rent. Also if DSs girlfriend's Mum is happy with part time living with her why not full time. You need to be clear with them both that what they think is going to work for them isn't going to work for you. If feel you can offer them support eg visiting to help with some chores, babysitting a couple of hours. At 20 he isn't old but isn't exactly a child either. Sure you will welcome your grandchild but work needs to be done to make your concerns known asap.

It would solve a lot of problems if he did.
Or he could go really mad and find a place of his own.

Seeing as the baby is already on the way , your options are

1) let your son go and be a Dad with his girlfriends parents or
2) Try to keep him at home and split him up with his girlfriend.

Surely number two is not even an option??? You need to let him go, with your blessing- to be a man.

To be fair, the one thing I never really resented them for Onward was not being hands on grandparents. That was entirely their choice. I did resent all the photo opportunities etc that were posted to make it look like they were. Nothing worse than someone asking to hold your baby, demanding you take a picture and then immediately handing the baby back while they post the picture to Facebook and garner attention.

I do remember my children asking me why their grandparents weren't like other grandparents and that did upset me because I didn't have any answer except to say "some people don't like being with children but you are still great". Because at the time I was still trying to have that relationship and I didn't want my children to think badly of them.

But I think now that, there may not be an automatic bond with a grandchild, it doesn't work the same way as giving birth. For those who are naturally very maternal and love babies it's probably so much easier... But for others perhaps that bond comes with spending time with the child and they have to make that choice if they don't want to risk hurting the child in future

It's because we are all ourselves, and that is enough.
I just saw that on the family sex website.