Missing grandaughter so much

Can you imagine this in an offline scenario?

Someone walks into a room full of people, some of them are in groups on sofas, there's a few about the place in arm chairs on their own... over to one side there is a few helping themselves to a buffet and just listening and the other side there is a long bar with various people at various stages of happiness.

The doors open and in walks OS (original speaker). Up to the microphone she goes and declares her predicament before stepping back.

Immediate bedlam ensues

2 rival groups are shaking fists in each others faces "its As fault!" "No its Bs fault!"

The people at the bar are just chatting away to each other and occasionally throwing in some wise words they came up with with the bartender

The people at the buffet are all eyeing up the last bit of cake and looking for tea to sip with the drama

Groups are getting bigger and smaller, the lone arm chair dwellers have all piped up, now they are all shouting their advice at the stage while simultaneously shouting at each other the reasons why the others advice is just wrong or poorly delivered or doesn't meet their approval in some way.

There is a fist fight barrelling back and forth across the floor

Meanwhile OS has made a dash for it out the fire escape... there is an alarm blaring, the sprinklers are going off and no one has noticed except the buffet crowd who are seriously considering whether free tea and cake is worth all this anyway

Glorianny,

“You are coddling him.” is a statement you made up. That is not a direct quote from me and I’m not going to debate with you made up quotes. I made a general statement about coddling adults in case it applied to the OP. The OP can decide whether or not it applies. The comment was to the OP. You don’t have to like my suggestions. I’m not here to convince you of anything. My suggestions are for the OP. I’m sure there are others interested in debating your paraphrases. Can’t reiterate enough that there is literally nothing you or any other poster can post that will change my opinion and suggestions to the OP.

Delila

LyleLyle, none of us are in a position to feel so sure that we are right in the advice that we offer or the way we see things, certainly not to the extent that we feel the need to be offensive to others who see, justifiably, that there are many unknowns and what ifs when information is so scant.

It is wise, when forming an opinion, to take into account all those uncertainties and modify your advice accordingly.

Delila,

Whether or not my comment was offensive to you is your concern, not mine. My comment was to the OP. I know what my intent was. It’s not for you to dictate that to me. The OP hasn’t responded. If she felt my comment was rude, she can say so. But I’m not worried about whether my advice offends your sensibilities. I don’t believe your rules—and I am not quite sure where your authority came from dictating what’s wise in forming opinions—are wise and that’s fine. I don’t think much of them because they are inconsequential to me. I will post to the OP in the manner I see fit. You don’t have to like my comments. You do realize that, right? Your desire to control how I advise is a problem for you to work out, not me. Have a great day!

lyleLyle -combative or wot

Iam64

lyleLyle -combative or wot

That’s your perception. It has no effect on me. Have a great day.

Why so aggressive? This thread consists of little but assumptions. Why continue making up stories? The OP is long gone.

I am also curious as to why others are aggressively initiating debates on my comments aimed at the OP. I personally couldn’t see myself continuously trying to police others’ opinions, or attempt to engage in debates when the other party has repeatedly expressed disinterest. But that’s just me!

There are some people I am just glad I'm not!

Me too. I quite enjoy my positive familial relations, especially with my DILs. Can’t imagine the turmoil my happy family would be in if I had a different mentality .

How lovely! 😁
That's not helping the OP, though, is it, if she's still reading.

lyleLyle

Me too. I quite enjoy my positive familial relations, especially with my DILs. Can’t imagine the turmoil my happy family would be in if I had a different mentality .

That isn't helping anyone, it's just boasting. I wonder if your DILs think the same or just keep quiet because they know you like to have the last word?

I would think she has long left the building. She came in for some advice, as she is missing her GD, who she was obviously close to.🙄

The OP was brief - it just stated that her son, who is out of work, had missed a £50 child support payment, which he had paid, by now Mum wants another £100, and it's not clear if this is arrears or just an extra payment she wants. It's not clear how long her son has been unemployed.

Mum of child has retaliated by refusing to let the little girl see her Dad (and Gran).

Both parents need to step up to the mark - the child needs financial stability (of course), but she also needs to see her Dad and Gran, who both love her. As she's been staying weekends at Grans, there is obviously no risk to her.

This fall-out is about money.

Dad needs to find work asap, so that he can resume regular payments of £50 per week. If there's a delay or a reason he cannot work, then he, at least, needs to pay the statutory £7 per week from his benefits. The DWP will certainly be pushing him to find work (unless he is sick).

Mum needs to stop conflating child support payments with contact. They are two totally different things.

It's not said if mum works, but, again, if she's on benefits, the DWP will also be pushing her back to work, now that he little girl is at school. (Unless she's sick).

So, hopefully the money pressures might ease anyway.

The child - not mum, not dad, and not Gran, needs to be put first. She's 5, she won't understand any of all this.

The bedsit situation is irrelevant, many people can't afford better, especially, if they live anywhere near a pricey area.

The hyperbole about Dad being feckless and Gran being a molly-coddling enabler is pure supposition, thrown into the arena for unknown reasons.🙁

Perhaps, for now, and for the sake of the child, Gran, if she has the means, could gift/lend her son the money to pay these arrears, and get the visits back on track. That is what I'd do.

Then, whether it's £50 per week, or £7 per week, he needs to make payments regularly so that Mum can budget knowing what is due to arrive.

Mum needs to resist the urge to use the child as some sort of bargaining chip. It's not fair on a 5 year old.

Well said Glorianny

Totally agree, Glorianny.

I agree Glorianny.

Good post DiamondLily sums up the situation based on what we do know.

Far more productive than calling mum "cruel" and a "bad mother".

Well said

Well summed up, DiamondLily, a good explanation what many of us have been trying to say.

Although I would prefer a term like "withholding contact with his child" or "risking harm to the child by withholding contact" or similar to comparing children with objects

I expressed in the way I see it, from what was posted.

This is a financial issue with the child stuck in the middle.

But, as I say, I would imagine the OP has long gone anyway.🙂

Glorianny & Callistemon

That’s your opinion. Not sure if the OP confided in you what is helpful or not to her, but you’re entitled to your opinions. I’m not sure what impact you think it’s supposed to have on me. I don’t comment with the goal of approval of other commenters. I didn’t find the vast majority of the comments from people attempting to debate my opinion helpful, but as you can see I am unconcerned about that. Not sure what your goal is here with these interactions you keep initiating

Isn't GN all about interacting? I always thought it was.

Good post Diamind Lily

Yes Gloriannie, GN is about interacting.

I always imagine this utopia where people can give their advice to the OP without the gallery naying

Yes that would make a refreshing change wouldn't it, as would responding to the information given by the OP without making up possible scenarios.

Yes GN is all about interacting Glorianny.

VioletSky

I always imagine this utopia where people can give their advice to the OP without the gallery naying

Hmmm I’ve not you noticed objecting if your own comments are supported VioletSky.