Distant daughter

She posts on Facebook about what they've been up to

Do you add a comment to her posts? I know it’s easy to feel neglected but do hang in there, and, as I said previously don’t be afraid to show emotion by telling her you miss her. Good luck ?

Ok after reading all the replies apart from one I am feeling that the take home from this is that it's more common than I thought and it's not just me, I feel reassured by everyone's advice apart from one persons and I will act on all of your good ideas. I can see some ways of contact that aren't too time consuming ,I forget about text messages being a valid form of communication as I'm not really someone who uses a phone for this purpose but I will give it a try
Thanks for the help everyone,I feel much better about the situation now ?

*”That’s life. We bring our children up to lead full, independent lives, they don’t owe us anything. I don’t expect anything so then I’m not disappointed.”*- from Nitpick - that sums it up

ExaltedWombat

She's a young Mum. Her life revolves around supporting her child. Yes, everyone is rated by how much help they can offer! It's not about you.

Sorry I don't agree, I brought two children up and they spent time with both sets of grandparents neither of whom ever babysat, no one should be rated only by how much help they can offer. Me and my friends helped each other out when we needed to but I would never have only contacted them by rating how much help they would be to me

crazyH

*”That’s life. We bring our children up to lead full, independent lives, they don’t owe us anything. I don’t expect anything so then I’m not disappointed.”*- from Nitpick - that sums it up

I agree they don't owe us anything,I just don't like being used and then cast aside when I'm no longer deemed useful as that is what I was feeling like. Now I have have read about others experiences I don't feel it's that unusual

2020convert

She posts on Facebook about what they've been up to

Do you add a comment to her posts? I know it’s easy to feel neglected but do hang in there, and, as I said previously don’t be afraid to show emotion by telling her you miss her. Good luck ?

Thanks for your help ? I always make a positive comment on any photos she posts. I would never want her to feel beholden to me and wouldn't ever tell her how I feel about the situation because I wouldn't want her to be upset, I've really bent over backwards trying not to be the interfering parent/ mother in law so maybe I've not done myself any favours. I'm thinking now I need to be a lot more proactive and just see what happens,I'm glad I posted though because most of the answers have been really useful. I will keep plodding on ?

I agree with you most recent post and with ChattyKathy you need to be proactive. We have two daughters and they are the same. We get on well, it's nothing personal, they are just busy and often "don't think". We get contacted quickly for childcare, brief interaction at pick ups, partly because children are then tired and squabbly. However, when we suggest meeting occasionally, we all enjoy ourselves, the GC too, and it makes it easier to suggest another outing a few weeks later. Also you get GC onside because they want to see you. Good luck.

She probably feels you and she are in frequent contact if you're reading and commenting on each other's Facebook posts etc. I think these days valid communication isn't just direct phone calls any longer, social media is a pretty good alternative, especially since that way you can see all the photos as well. She's a long way from being like some of the adult children we hear about on here, who rarely return texts even. I think I'd advise don't mention how you've been feeling about it, in case it spoils the good relationship you have. You know if you're not doing stuff together that needs discussing, sometimes its hard to think of something to talk about to justify making an actual phone call. One idea might be playing online games together, or Facebook do something called a Watch Party where you both watch something together while in a sort of "chat" so you can talk about what you're seeing as you might if you were on the same sofa watching. Maybe include her kids as well if they are old enough

Qwerty

I agree with you most recent post and with ChattyKathy you need to be proactive. We have two daughters and they are the same. We get on well, it's nothing personal, they are just busy and often "don't think". We get contacted quickly for childcare, brief interaction at pick ups, partly because children are then tired and squabbly. However, when we suggest meeting occasionally, we all enjoy ourselves, the GC too, and it makes it easier to suggest another outing a few weeks later. Also you get GC onside because they want to see you. Good luck.

I think that's what I'm going to do,I'm now thinking from her point of view my not wanting to be too full on might have come across as not interested or too busy maybe.I will definitely keep up the communication, I last saw them at Christmas and we did have a lovely time

ReadyMeals

She probably feels you and she are in frequent contact if you're reading and commenting on each other's Facebook posts etc. I think these days valid communication isn't just direct phone calls any longer, social media is a pretty good alternative, especially since that way you can see all the photos as well. She's a long way from being like some of the adult children we hear about on here, who rarely return texts even. I think I'd advise don't mention how you've been feeling about it, in case it spoils the good relationship you have. You know if you're not doing stuff together that needs discussing, sometimes its hard to think of something to talk about to justify making an actual phone call. One idea might be playing online games together, or Facebook do something called a Watch Party where you both watch something together while in a sort of "chat" so you can talk about what you're seeing as you might if you were on the same sofa watching. Maybe include her kids as well if they are old enough

Hi, I hadn't thought of Facebook seeming like keeping in touch, I only used it if any family post something, I like all the ideas you've mentioned,I'm not very good with tech and only have an iPad but I'm sure we would be able to sort something out ?

Sad but it seems to be a typical situation these days, made worse by Covid.

Have a few family events and invite her and the family. Maybe a Sunday lunch next Sunday? Ie Easter Sunday? Bbq's in the garden during the summer? It will help reconnect with her, hopefully.

Chinesecrested

Have a few family events and invite her and the family. Maybe a Sunday lunch next Sunday? Ie Easter Sunday? Bbq's in the garden during the summer? It will help reconnect with her, hopefully.

Thanks, I will do this but we aren't allowed at the moment ?