Visitors, shoes on or off?

I cannot see any reason that 'carers' are not permitted to use the blue overshoes.

I now live in a flat and with laminate floor throughout, so by the time visitors come through my front door they have already gone through public lobby, up stairs or lift, etc. so I do not expect them to remove shoes when coming in. I do for myself though, good quality slippers as soon as I return home, and do not wear these if I go out on my balcony,

When I go to visit anyone in their own home, I always take a pair of slippers with me.

When I lived in my house with a light cream stair carpet I insisted that blue overshoes were worn by anyone going upstairs.

Averline I don’t agree I think posh people are much more likely to have these ways than those who are just glad to have a carpet and friends 🤣🤣🤣
Totally agree Grannysometset friends and visits are more important than shoes
I do have a funny story about it though I had a police chap who used to come round to our work through the community police initiative some years back and he kept trying to get a bit fresh with me and I was to be honest a bit fed up with it
Anyway one day I d been out for a walk with a friend who was a tall chap size 11 s he came back to mine for a coffee and took his boots off leaving them by the front door Halfway through the coffee the doorbell went I answered it and there stood the unwanted policeman he said ‘thought I just see how you are and have a coffee with you’ as he said it he looked down saw the big boots and added ‘but I ve just had a call out so I won’t stop’

I am genuinely gobsmacked by this conversation. I don't think it's rude to ask people to take their shoes off. I actually think the opposite, it's rude to keep them on. Everyone I know takes their shoes off at my house without asking, as I do at their houses.

GrannySomerset

Must be a generational change I think because my contemporaries (75+) and I wouldn’t dream of asking people to take their shoes off - not an easy task for some of us. Company is much more important to me than carpets.

I am 83 GrannySomerset. Friends are all of similar age.

Personally I consider it the height of bad manners to expect guests who’ve taken the trouble to dress up nicely for whatever you’re providing, to take their nice shoes off and go barefoot, or wear slippers - especially if not their own.

We're all very polite ladies and gentlemen Witzend it's really not a problem.

I think this asking visitors to remove shoes is a relatively recent thing, what do others think?
Just that I don’t remember any of my relatives or friends in the past asking it.We just breezed in happily.

I suppose if I had lovely pale carpets I might ask people to take off their footwear, but I don't . All my carpets are old. So I never ask anyone to do this.
A near neighbour has beautiful carpets, so I always slip my shoes off as I go in,, although he doesn't ask me to.

I totally agree Witzend. I just could not bring myself to ask someone to remove their shoes just as I would be upset if someone asked me to do the same. Of course, if the shoes were dirty or it had been raining I would do it voluntarily.

This was absolutely never done when I was young. It's a new thing that has sneaked in.

Aveline

This was absolutely never done when I was young. It's a new thing that has sneaked in.

Oh I disagree, I always took off my outdoor shoes when visiting my Grans, as did my parents, particularly the one that lived in the middle of the countryside down an unmade road.

My Gran who lived in a coal mining area in the NE. would have been totally bewildered if we had removed our shoes. Different customs then as now.

Aveline

This was absolutely never done when I was young. It's a new thing that has sneaked in.

True, it was never a thing when I was growing up - unless of course shoes were wet or muddy.
Someone on a similar topic once said that ‘shoes on’ had always been an upper class thing, or only practised by relatively well off people, who could afford cleaners.

Balderdash! (I love that word 🙂). My mother only ever had a cleaner in her late 70s - hardly anyone among our friends or family did when I was younger.

I’m afraid to say that my mother always considered ‘shoes off’ a very lower-middle class thing, along with net curtains and other things I’d better not mention here.

Is there a wrong or a right?

If you take yours off and your guests take them off as a matter of course, then that’s right.

If you keep yours on and are happy for your guests to do likewise, then that’s right.

If you oblige your guests to remove or retain their shoes, thats up to you.
Happily I’ve never been faced with that obligation in either direction.

I think it didn’t happen years ago. Who had light coloured, fitted carpets all over their house when we were young? Certainly not my relatives or friends.

Quarry tiles as you came in from the back door, lino nearly everywhere else, just a big carpet square/glorified rug in the middle of the (unused) ‘best’ room.

Plus doormats as you entered the property, which everyone wiped their feet on.

Any rugs were of a serviceable colour which wouldn’t ‘show the dirt’.

So no, to me it’s a new’ thing.

My children take their shoes off, as do their partners, although they (my children) weren't brought up to do so. I had a houseful at the weekend, and there was a pile of trainers in the hallway, so I think it is maybe a new thing.

Does nobody have doormats any more? Unless guests' shoes are really muddy, which is unlikely for town-dwellers, a good wipe on a bristly mat will get off anything likely to transfer to carpets, and a vacuum will pick up anything that does sneak through. I agree that in the event that I turned up somewhere in muddy boots (which would be in a parallel life, really I would take them off, but I once went to a party in heels that I had chosen to match my outfit and was disconcerted to be asked to put them in the pile in the front porch. Other women felt the same, as many people mentioned it in conversation over the evening.

Witzend, I'm not sure whether your post suggests that on/off is a class-based thing or not, as you seem to be saying one thing then the other.

I don't think there is a wrong or right way. People should respect the homeowners wishes. It's not rude to ask someone to take their shoes off if you want them to.

I just think that it is the height of rudeness to demand shoes off. At the least they should provide new spaces type sliders. We attended my teenage nephew's funeral once and back at my brother in laws v large house everyone was asked to remove their shoes. My elderly uncle was mortified as he had a large hole in his socks. I stood outside with him for the duration of the wake. I always think that if you wouldn't ask the Queen (not Camilla) to remove her shoes then don't ask me.

I aways take my shoes off when visiting friends houses, they always say "oh don't bother" but I think its good manners. I do not want to traipse over their carpets in shoes that may have trodden in yucky things. The only time I regretted doing it, was when I visited someone who obviously never vacuumed their carpets, there was more grit and nasties on their hall carpet than on the pavement outside.

Shoes on carpets is pretty gross, reminents of dog muck, spit and all kinds of bacteria but a dinner party I would allow it, it would be uncomfortable walking around in evening wear and bare feet.

I think it’s really bad manners to where shoes in someone’s home unless they’ve told you it’s ok. Hard floors - not so bad as they can be regularly washed but on carpet - yuck. Look what you may have trodden in outside - I hate shoes indoors.

Never asked anyone to remove their shoes and wouldn't dream of doing so. Hate having to remove mine because my feet are so ugly with huge bunions but if asked then I do so. I do think that if anybody expects a visitor to remove shoes then they should provide some sort of alternative wear - and the kind that's only used once so no infections to spread.

Does anyone remember when dog owners didn't "clean up" after their pets, shoes pushchair/pram wheels covered and ooh, that lingering smell

If I arrived at your house in wet or muddy shoes I'd take them off without question. However, if i have chosen my outfit carefully and worn shoes that went well with it I'd be mortified to have to sit through drinks and dinner, possible with other guests who I didn't know well, in bare feet or a pair of borrowed slippers.

Aveline

I wouldn't dream of asking visitors to remove their shoes on arrival. We also have 'expensive Persian rugs' but also have vacuum cleaners. How rude to expect partygoers to stand around shoeless. I'd have left.

I agree. That was very rude. When we go out to a party we take trouble with what we wear, and that includes shoes. At barely 5' tall I'd have felt rather humiliated without shoes, plus I hate having bare feet. They seem so vulnerable!