Happiness

I too, know exactly how you feel. It was years before I traced my anxiety and, as you say, lack of joy, back to the menopause. Seven o'clock ish in the morning is my lowest ebb. At that point I have no motivation to keep going and only feel bleak. I have started reading for a while at that time. It takes my mind off the misery, and calms me a little. It's ironic that my OH, who suffers from PD, is getting help from different sources for his 'low mood', after I reported various symptoms. He has medication, referral to psych services, offer of counselling, and this very morning, an app with an Occ Therapist, who is going to do some relaxation therapy with him. I said if he doesn't want this app, I' ll have it!! It's maybe not beneficial to suffer in silence as we often do. Thanks to all posters, as many of us will benefit from your advice.

90% sounds pretty good to me !

Don't take the advice of a new man they can often bring so much problems with them a dog, the garden, long walks, plenty of company, all good points but looking for a man to cure your ills is such a recipe for disaster sorry Sarahellen

Thank you all so much for replying - it does seem there are some others out there who suffer the same - just the feeling of never achieving 'joyfulness'. I feel very strongly that it was the menopause plus the Thyroid issue that caused this - it is known that the 2 can often happen at the same time. To put it in context, I have had a worrying 18 months as my 38 year old daughter was diagnosed with cancer 15 months ago. She has had treatment and is in the clear at the moment although we know it will come back. It has been hard for all of us, obviously, but this feeling is separate from that. I am 60 years old and have felt like this (in hindsight) for 5 or 6 years, which is why I don't think it is stress or even depression (which must be the most awful thing to suffer from). It is simply not being quite happy and yet there are so many reasons why I should be and there are so many people suffering in the World.
I do take Magnesium and Vit D - I have learnt a lot in my quest to be healthy - so I think perhaps I just need to exercise!! I will get back to walking every morning (in the countryside so I can sing and dance on my way round without feeling a dipstick) and hopefully it will also get my blood pressure down and I will lose a pound or two. Thanks again for your replies - I'm now off to Halfords to see if they have any sex drives on offer - I really do need a new one.

I was feeling just like you. I spoke to our local health shop owner who said it was low level depression. I started on vitamin D and Siberian Ginseng. The effect was fantastic I thought I'd never feel happy again.

Loobs, have you tried a LOW dose of Pregnenolone? Don't use/buy it without reading Ray Sahelian's web page about it though.

I'm so sorry that you feel this way. Your medical conditions, although under control may be having a debilitating affect on your mood.
If I can't get out into the garden I find that doing something creative helps.

I would recommend St. John's Wort (check it's okay for you) and maybe Magnesium too. Worth a try. Fresh air too, although I do know how hard it is to make yourself go out when you are feeling low. Think a lot of us understand how you feel. Hope you soon feel more energised.

Could u take up something New ? Maybe some activity u have always wanted to try? Know it is hard when one of our kids has some potentially life threatening illness. My son is ill. Outcome uncertain. I am trying to focus on all those good things we have shared in the past. Going to try the joy jar!

I understand how you feel.once past 60 the highs and lows of life seem to pass me by. I used to be good at getting things done, but not now. I struggle with motivation and just want to rest,though I don't sleep well. Been to the doc but all blood tests are normal so just have to put up with it.?

Hello Loobs, I do feel for you. Maybe you're experiencing the effects of another of life's transitions? We go through many transitions and I feel the one you're describing is particularly difficult; perhaps it's because there are not the distractions we had when younger eg working, looking after children, household stuff. As a consequence of these distractions perhaps you didn't question your happiness as much then as you are doing now?
Apart from exercise and getting outside as much as possible I'd urge you to try Mindfulness. Being 'in the moment' is a really helpful thing to cultivate and, once you incorporate it into everyday life, it helps to prevent rumination. There are loads of books and courses to take you down this path.
Have a look at these free on-line courses and see if any grab you:
www.futurelearn.com/courses/categories. They run a really good course on Mindfulness.
You describe being 'de-sensitised to life' - could this be a
natural reaction to life post-menopause? After all, we've done quite a lot of living once we've reached this point in our lives and seen many trends come and go, and come back again in some cases!
It may help to take yourself out of your comfort zone and do something you haven't done before. There's a wealth of 'stuff' to be experienced yet so please be proactive and find something that 'floats your boat'. Please let us know what changes you may and how that improves things for you. I wish you good health and good living.

Do you know I never had one, not a hot flush, depression or anything, I had a hysterectomy, never felt better. I realise of course how very lucky I was, because before I had the operation I had felt so ill most of the time. I did read somewhere that almonds and apricots helped withe the symptoms of the menopause, they are my two favourite things and part of my daily diet, that could be purely a coincidence though as to why I haven't had problems.

Loobs, think the fresh air and just walking can help life a mood. Now I do get low because of personal things, invariably going for a walk lifts the mood for me. You could just start a half an hour a day and see how you go. Think happiness is not a constant 24 hour thing, being content and having moments of happiness would be for me enough.

Loobs I am sorry to read about your daughter I am sure this must be contributing to how you feel and of course it comes under Northernlasses comments on 'lifes transitions' I think after the menopause we are probably not quite so well equipped to deal with life's knocks. I am heading straight for 70 but even a few short years ago 60 would have been considered old. Our minds now don't think of it as being old but nobody's told our bodies. I found Vitamin D did give a lift and if you can get out each day that must be good, joining an interest group can be good and gives a focus to the week although you have to be careful you don't all end up discussing your achy bits and lack of sleep!

Menopause is optional these days and the current government recommendations for clinical excellence make it clear that the benefits of taking HRT outweigh the disadvantages for most women. It is possible to start or restart HRT well after the menopause and your GP should be following the NICE guidelines. (easily looked up on the Internet).
Loobs, it could give you back the zip you have been missing in your life recently. Perhaps you were given the wrong type for you. I suggest trying patches rather than pills, or implants which are even better.

I would definitely recommend walking as other Gransnetters have. Do you have any friends that may like to join you? I have 4 chums that I go walking with whatever the weather. We have the acronym M.O.G.S. Menopausal Old Girls Strolling. Yes, there are times when it is an effort to participate, but the feel good factor at the end is so very worthwhile. A walk in the fresh air + chatting en route really lifts the spirits. We also make time for a light lunch at the end too.
Also, take a camera with you, as I do. I love taking photos of us and the surrounding countryside, and then downloading them onto my computer. They always lift my spirits when I look back and remember these wonderful times.
Good Luck Loobs.??

I really sympathise with you. I have felt the same for several years now. I have a reasonable life, good family, nice home, decent job, good health. There is nothing wrong with my life. It's much better than many people have. Yet there are days when I just feel sad. Lifeless, no energy, no excitement about doing anything.

I'm going through the menopause, and have been on HRT for about 8 years. I'm two stone overweight but it's hard to lose it because food is the one bright spot in my day some days! ;-)

For what it's worth, two things have helped.

Firstly: exercise, as many other people have recommended. I get out for an hour most days. I feel better (and sleep better) when I do. I have waterproofs and go out come rain or shine. I listen to audio books to keep my mind of the occasional lousy weather. Well, let's be realistic, for several months of the year it's the CONSTANT lousy weather!

Second: finding something to give me a sense of purpose in life. I used to have a full and busy life. Children, elderly relatives, a career, professional training and qualifications, volunteering. Now? Children grown, elderly relatives gone, career over. Made redundant a few years ago and now working part-time in something that is far from fulfilling. Nobody particularly needs me or values what I can do. I mention this in case you feel the same way. I've joined some local groups, tried some volunteering options, taken up some new hobbies. I'll be honest - I haven't found the solution yet. But it will be the key to feeling better, I'm sure of that.

Good luck. I hope you find what you need.

The transitional stage that comes post menopause is, I believe, more of a challenge than adolescence was. At least then, we thought we'd live forever and that we could overcome any challenge life threw our way. Plus, we didn't ache in the places where we used to play (thank you Mr Cohen) and we had boundless energy. On the down side we didn't have the life experience/wisdom we now have. We've just heard that another friend has died, that will be two funerals in 3 weeks, both in fact for friends who are slightly younger than I am. Ill health is a B that affects so many of us.
On a more positive note, I'm with the many previous posters who recommend getting out for a walk every day. I have dogs, so I'm not in our local ramblers group as I'm out every morning for an hour and a half hour tea time walk. It's a real joy that even if I do the same walk, it will be slightly different every day. Currently, we have daffodils and other signs of spring, it isn't dark for either my morning or evening walk which adds to the pleasure.
I volunteer for a charity which doesn't demand too much time but is interesting. We do a day's child care which is exhausting but great to see the little one's and be able to support our adult children.
I love the garden, despite aching knees and backs.
The menopause and the losses that go with it tend to be treated as a bit of a joke. I suspect many of us find its existence and its aftermath fairly challenging.

I feel the same 63, no real problems, have a lovely family, work full time, not much time for exercise , but have this constant dulled feeling. I've just started Tai Chi class, which is a positive, I'm in the middle of the Futurelearn mindfulness course, also positive, and have just made an appointment for acupuncture, don't know how that's going to work!..one of my big stresses is retiring, I'm so tired of working but dread having all that time on my hands, makes me feel frightened ?

Loobs[flower] How I feel for you and identify with everything you're saying,..I too have experienced that total lack of joy feeling & only someone who's experienced it can fully understand. I ask myself so often why I feel this way..& why it has to be this way. I've a lovely Son & Daughter in law with gorgeous baby Granddaughter, wonderful caring Daughter, lovely elderly Father who I think the world of and visit daily since we lost dear Mum six years ago...but somehow something is missing...an emptiness that is not easy to put into words, just after losing mum, I had surgery in the same hospital, which went badly wrong & had to be done again, and have had more 'health nusiances' since, blood pressure , etc...and along with furious hot flushes ' menopause madness' so to speak, I just can't fill that empty space of 'lack of joy' as an only daughter, I've taken responsibility for dear Dad alone,although he's wonderfully kind, and cheery & incredibly supportive to me as I am to him, bless him,...which is great,But, I often feel 'alone'. I know my family love me and care, & I never want to disclose to them this 'feeling' as i'm sure they'd wonder why...but I keep going...keep walking, keep taking vitamin D & magnesium..in the hope that the joyous feeling will some day return, unfortuneately so far, it hasn't.really hope that it does for you, xx

if only we could all get together for a cuppa and chat...i'm sure we'd all benefit from each other's support and feel chirpier again in no time!!!....

I felt almost exactly the same 4 years ago. Not exactly unhappy, just low-level discontent and that my life was missing joy and had less laugh-out-loud-until-you're-breathless moments.

Strangely I ended up with a puppy, through a weird set of circumstances, I'm not even particularly a dog person. She's only a small/medium dog but the fun we have had together and no disrespect to my OH (who is a sweetie) but my little dog is now often described as the joy in my life. Maybe it's the increased exercise, maybe it would have passed anyway - or maybe it's just that she makes me laugh so much. I don't know but it worked for me.

I agree about walking. Apart from anything else, we see around us signs of revival of life, especially at this time of year.
Something to look forward to.

Cheerfullizzie...you hit the nail on the head for me ..'I feel alone' .. that's how I feel and I don't know why ..and I just keep going to! ..I think my family would also be shocked ..I get fed up trying to analyse why..so I constantly fill up time being busy ..it's exhausting!

I went on HRT after having a hysterectomy. I had to come off it for an operation on my leg. I could cope with the hot flushes but I could not cope with the low feelings I got. As soon as I went back on the HRT my mood improved and I no longer felt so low. HRT definitely helped me post menopause.