How do we stop boys who become drunk being labelled as sex predators?

vegansrock

And the fact that the vast majority of sexual assaults are performed by males, though you wouldn’t think so by the tone of some of the answers on here.

And how!

You dismissed the research of 2006 as being outdated, which showed that both boys and girls were almost equally abused and that the vast majority of abuse of boys (95%) was carried out by females.

In dismissing it, we’re you assuming that things have drastically changed in 15years? It was worldwide research carried out by reputable researchers and accepted by a world wide symposium.

And yet you dismissed it.

What I see in this discussion is that the same language and justifications for abuse that men have used are equally used by female posters on this site.

Girls touching up boys for a bit of a laugh
It wasn’t really abuse because it didn’t involve penetration.
It depends what you mean by abuse
He must have done something first
It doesn’t happen
It doesn’t happen very often
It’s mostly men that do it anyway. Women don’t abuse
It wasn’t that bad for him
He must have wanted to or it wouldn’t have happened.

Attitudes like these, in the last, have made women reluctant and ashamed to report abuse.

By perpetuating them it makes it almost impossible for boys to report the abuse perpetrated on them. We won’t know the true figures until both boys and girls feel equally able to report without disbelief and condemnation.

But I know you won’t accept this. For many of you it would mean putting aside your feminist agenda and looking at what is really happening to children of both genders.

Whereas you have no agenda whatsoever.

Peasblossom

You dismissed the research of 2006 as being outdated, which showed that both boys and girls were almost equally abused and that the vast majority of abuse of boys (95%) was carried out by females.

In dismissing it, we’re you assuming that things have drastically changed in 15years? It was worldwide research carried out by reputable researchers and accepted by a world wide symposium.

And yet you dismissed it.

What I see in this discussion is that the same language and justifications for abuse that men have used are equally used by female posters on this site.

Girls touching up boys for a bit of a laugh
It wasn’t really abuse because it didn’t involve penetration.
It depends what you mean by abuse
He must have done something first
It doesn’t happen
It doesn’t happen very often
It’s mostly men that do it anyway. Women don’t abuse
It wasn’t that bad for him
He must have wanted to or it wouldn’t have happened.

Attitudes like these, in the last, have made women reluctant and ashamed to report abuse.

By perpetuating them it makes it almost impossible for boys to report the abuse perpetrated on them. We won’t know the true figures until both boys and girls feel equally able to report without disbelief and condemnation.

But I know you won’t accept this. For many of you it would mean putting aside your feminist agenda and looking at what is really happening to children of both genders.

I said it was outdated which it is and you didn’t provide any links or details on which I could judge it.

I am not dismissing it you cant provide a link and when I Google it that info is not available. You seems to be dismissing much of the information that is provided in terms of crime statistics etc.

And it’s children of both sexes - gender is a social construct.

But the comments that they should have fought them off, they were both drunk etc, just push them, dont help anyone of either sex to feel comfortable in talking about this.

I found it on Google without having even the name of the university or the conference.

Along with much other similar research.

I don’t dismiss statistics of reported crime. But for the reasons above we don’t know how much unreported abuse goes on.

A non-judgemental, non-actionable survey might be thought to produce more accurate statistics.

How do the mess

Of course I’ve got an agenda Galaxy. The prevention of abuse of all children.

What’s yours?

Hiw do the messages that have been said on here help boys. Push them off, just be strong, etc etc, if you were drunk it was probably your fault

kircubbin2000

I think women have been conditioned not to speak up in the past.Dont really know why. A few years ago ,I was probably late 40s early 50s my husband and his female cousin and I went to a party at his friends house. Nobody was overly drunk and the friend decided to walk us all home.He put his arms round me and the cousin and soon had his hand inside my bra.When we got home the cousin was very annoyed and of course she had suffered the same groping. My husband wouldn't believe a word of it and told us it must have been an accidental slip! He said his friend would be mortified that we thought it was intentional.
I now wonder why neither of us gave him a slap or spoke up.

Women were conditioned not to speak out, because that’s easier for men. Same reason we are always told to smile and be “nice”.

They still are conditioned that way, though it’s slowly getting better. Women who do are still often called vile names.

I hope your husband learned to believe you as time passed.

Sorry that emoji was to my premature posting not to you!

Good post Peasblossom.

Trisher, you are like a dog with a bone trying to blame women for being violated,

It’s very sad.

peasblossom of course men shouldn’t be abused. By women or other men.

I don’t believe anyone said they should be?

If a woman treated a man in a way that made him uncomfortable, of course she is wrong.

But the thread title is how to get men to stop being labeled, so most of us are commenting ob that.

Of course the answer is “teach them not to be sexual predators”

Which incidentally also works for women!

And actually the feminist agenda which you seem to despise might support boys and men to talk about what has happened to them. It is feminists who have been talking for a long time about how gender roles in our society impact negatively on both girls and boys.

Peasblossom

I found it on Google without having even the name of the university or the conference.

Along with much other similar research.

I don’t dismiss statistics of reported crime. But for the reasons above we don’t know how much unreported abuse goes on.

A non-judgemental, non-actionable survey might be thought to produce more accurate statistics.

Well I’ve been looking as well and can’t find anything that matches the figures you give. However the Conference you mention seems to have been about child sexual abuse within the family which, whilst incredibly important, is not what this thread is about.

I know there are quite a lot of teachers on this board and wonder how they feel about teachers addressing issues around consent, pornography etc in class. Would they feel equipped to do this (obviously I know they already provide sex education) or would they prefer this to be done by specialist services such as Barnardos etc.

Trisher. watching drunks fighting, i would say even the slightest push by one drunk against another ends up with the two both reeling apart.

You only have to type in ‘women abusing boys’ into Google to come up with a whole raft of research and evidence, including the one I quoted.

But if you do, I have no doubt you’ll dismiss anything that doesn’t fit in with your established beliefs.

There we are, I’ve had my say. It hasn’t changed anything. I think we’ve reached an impasse, don’t you.

Barbados produced a report in 2019 about the issue of male abuse by females.

My parting post.

Barnados. Should have checked the autocorrect.

Galaxy

I know there are quite a lot of teachers on this board and wonder how they feel about teachers addressing issues around consent, pornography etc in class. Would they feel equipped to do this (obviously I know they already provide sex education) or would they prefer this to be done by specialist services such as Barnardos etc.

Well there are two strands imo. Formal input for which I’d argue for outsiders coming in but then the role of the school in encouraging a culture of respect across the board and how it would deal with ( and make pupils feel they could make) complaints about any type of sexual abuse/ harassment.

Posting on the internet doesnt change things. Not really. If you have that expectation you're going to be disappointed. As would anybody. I dont think that really anything I post on here affects change, it's not how it works.