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Widowhood.

(508 Posts)
Falconbird Sat 27-Dec-14 11:58:57

This is my third Christmas without my husband and I was really thrown by the fact that I missed him much more than in previous years. I think the initial shock of his sudden passing is wearing off. I have three sons and three lovely grandchildren - but without "my bloke" it seemed very very empty and lonely this year.

sad

bikergran Sun 22-Mar-15 16:29:06

I've often fancied a go at Archery, but keep thinking what if that string hits my arm! ouch! although I presume you have some protection against that, I would imagine you need a pretty powerful pull, and upper body strength, which obviously you have Galen bet you felt good scoring the gold!

Do you remember "The Golden Shot" "Bernie ! the bolt" !

(Oh and I didn't bother taking a photo of where I went today! I didn't think anyone would want to see "under my stairs") smile.

nannieroz111 Sun 22-Mar-15 16:39:42

Hope you have a nice day out tomorrow with your neighbour friends. It will do you good to relax a little. I've been in harry ramsdens in guiseley, many, many years ago. I enjoyed it.

bikergran Sun 22-Mar-15 16:44:25

thanks nannieroz111 think I might just creep in for the "pensioners special" !

Galen Sun 22-Mar-15 17:32:57

No, you have bows of different strengths. I only pull 22-24lbs on mine at the moment. And yes you wear a forearm guard.
Lots of clubs will have taster sessions. We take people from 5-90+years young. Clubs will normally lend you equipment

bikergran Sun 22-Mar-15 18:29:40

ahah I didn't realise that about different strengths...

Falconbird Mon 23-Mar-15 06:57:26

Bikergran - I didn't know you'd been ill - nothing serious I hope? That's one of the worst things about being a widow. I've had a few nasty colds and a couple of bad backs since DH passed away and it's so miserable not having someone to chat to about it, I mean someone really close like your bloke.

I did have a tape of my DH but it was when he was very young and playing with the kids. I looked and looked for it when I moved house last year but no luck. I've got a feeling I still have it somewhere so will keep looking.

I think I will buy a Tablet. Not sure what they do - can you take photos, make phone calls, etc.,

Sewsilver Mon 23-Mar-15 07:28:36

It would indeed be amazing if we were near enough to each other to meet and have a gang. Non- widowed friends are wonderful too but I find they don't really understand. Biker, I hope you're soon feeling better and Fallconbird I know exactly what you mean about having nobody to talk when you're not well. Last night walking back down a dark lane after a lovely supper at a friends house I caught my finger in a gate. I don't think it's broken although it's three times its normal size this morning and the nail is very badly damaged ,it's excruciating. I know DH couldn't have done anything about it I just wanted him to be here to be sympathetic.
I've realised I don't have any record of DH his voice and he had a wonderful voice.
Falconbird, I would really recommend a tablet it does almost anything you want it to and in a strange way I find it assuages loneliness sometimes and it feels like company, albeit the virtual kind.

Falconbird Mon 23-Mar-15 07:34:50

Sorry about your finger Sewsilver - hope it's better now. Yes - it's having someone to refer to when you're feeling ill, or in your case have hurt yourself. I miss saying to DH. "Do you think I've got a temperature, or should I go to A and E?"

You could ring your GP Practice. Mine give advice on the telephone, or you could just walk in and ask for advice at Reception.

Let us know how things go with your finger.

Anya Mon 23-Mar-15 07:51:28

Perhaps you could all arrange a weekend away together? Book into a Premiere Inn or similar, somewhere midway overnight sunshine

Sewsilver Mon 23-Mar-15 08:07:10

Thank you for your support Falconbird, I think I will have to do something about my finger although at the moment can't see how I would be able to drive to get to my GP. Anya a weekend away is a brilliant idea, we have been pondering Llandudno but the logistics seem complicated to say the least!

Falconbird Mon 23-Mar-15 08:23:40

We will keep Llandudno in mind as something to really look forward to.

Could you take a taxi Sewsilver? or do you think your finger might calm down over the next few hours.

See how it goes - you can always ring for advice 111 are very good.

bikergran Mon 23-Mar-15 09:21:20

Falcon I am so much better now thanks, it was a few weeks ago, I didn't feel very well, got up to go loo in a morning, and the next thing I woke up on the bathroom floor(don't remember a thing) my lovely DDs looked after me for the 2 weeks a was in bed, Doc came and thinks I had a virus but I'm fine now.

I think a Tablet would be brill for you, they are so light, easy to carry around, can sit anywhere with them propped up, in bed, in the bath (not good in the shower) smile I'm talking like I have one aren't I,(I haven't but Gs has) yes you can take photos (make sure you buy one with a camera) I'm not sure about the phone calls, but I think there is a thread on " ipads" maybe have a look at that or google for info or of course there are all the clever GNetters!

Yes we will keep thinking about Llandudno, and I know you say your not happy traveling too far Falcon I wish we could all come to you and scoop you up and wisk you away, we would never leave your side and would escort you every where (maybe we should wait outside the bathroom though) and if we did ever meet then we would all make sure that no one was left on their own not for a second smile and if I ever had a decent car I would come and pick up!

Sewsilver perhaps you need to have your finger seen to, or maybe bathe it at least for the time being, yes let us know how it goes today for you. Weekend away sounds good at some time, and yes the logistics are stretched as I think we all live pretty far apart, but hey!!! you cant stop GNetters!! although my finances are really stretched so I would have to think carefully as they will be even more stretched when I have to go on Jobseekers end of June confused

Well I had better go and get ready as I off out with neighbours today, I could have done with a rest really as it was gone 3-45 when I managed to get off to sleep, had allsorts running through my head last night. Raining here in wet Lancashire, but will be crossing over the border to Yorkshire later when we go to Skipton.

bfn all take care

Falconbird Tue 24-Mar-15 07:14:43

I hope you had a good day out Biker. I had that virus before Christmas and had to dial 111 in the night. It stayed with me for weeks.

Good luck with Job Seekers. I had experience of them about seven years ago and they weren't exactly kind.

Once you reach 60 they leave you alone but I think they've raised the retirement age by a couple of years depending on your year of birth.

In a bit of an emotional crash at the moment. When my DH passed away the GP put me on Diazapam and somehow I stayed on it for two years.

I made the decision to stop taking it and haven't had any for nearly two months but there are side effects. It will pass in time the doc says and is of the opinion that I'm doing well so I'm holding tight.

Falconbird Tue 24-Mar-15 07:18:36

I'm glad you liked my poem Nannieroz - you mentioned on that thread that you don't cook much anymore.

I'm the same. I can't be bothered most days. It's important to eat well because I have 3 sons and 3 grandkids to think about. My DH loved to cook and I miss him pottering about in the kitchen.

My mum ate very badly all her life and when she was widowed at 52 she lived on fresh air and ciggies. She lived to be 90 years old so I don't worry too much.

nannieroz111 Tue 24-Mar-15 07:45:01

I think if you have good genes it doesn't matter what sort of lifestyle you live falconbird. Some people seem to sail through life regardless.

I'm trying very hard not to go down the tranquilliser road. I'm so afraid I come to rely on them.

Did DH cook for you? We used to laugh about my DH's attempts in the kitchen.

bikergran Tue 24-Mar-15 08:30:22

Falcon yes your right about raising the pension age, I have to find work until I'm 67 !! fancy! I'v looked after DH all these yrs and now at almost 60 have to start going to Jobcenter to find work, I am dreading it.
I think it will be at that time that I will step backwards quite a few steps.
I am trying to go out and make the most of my time before June/July so we will see.
Yes thanks I had a lovely day out, went to Settle/Skipton. Ilkely moor/ and then Guisely for fish n chips, I am not a good passenger in the back of a car so was dreading it, I am used to driving and being in control but I was ok, we went on some of the windiest roads in the county! I felt like I had been with a rally driver! (they don't come on GN so I'm ok lol) they are good company to be with jolly etc.

Tablets, well done for having a try at coming off them, I suppose that will cause a few mixed emotions, I do hope that you succeed and you will feel ok once they have come out of your system, I suppose you then have to learn to live without them and that will be a challenge for you. Try to keep nice thoughts and maybe think of Llandudno (who knows )!! smile

My DH used to try and make potato cakes smile of course we had to say they were "lovely" and try and eat one! confused

My DD are getting he keys to their new house today so best get my paintbrushes and roller ready! I suppose it will keep me busy and it is only round the corner.

Hope you all have sort of ok day, I know our days are never really ok, but you know what I mean, bfn.

bikergran Tue 24-Mar-15 10:52:54

I've just posted on the "do you believe in angels thread" I have been quite upset this morn, but ok now and still trying to think of an explanation for it, I'm sure there is one and must be something to do with the draught from the door, but I keep trying the door sinario but the pic doesn't move. Has anyone else had anything happen they can't explain, I am not a religious person really, and I don't really believe in stuff other than coincidences.

nannieroz111 Tue 24-Mar-15 16:01:11

Hi bikergran. I've just seen your postings (I've been out all day), and so sorry you are upset. Try to think of these happenings as good events. I'm not much of a believer myself but, I would love to think that all that was true and DH is trying to comfort you. Wish it was happening to me. I keep talking to DH but don't get any signs that he can hear me. hmm

Falconbird Tue 24-Mar-15 16:16:23

Biker - It could be a sign who can tell. I had quite a few in the first year of being bereaved. Let us know what happens.

bikergran Tue 24-Mar-15 16:43:45

thanks all....but I keep saying to myself a piece of paper cannot, just cannot move on it's own! GS hasn't gone to dad's and he hadn't moved it, I have tried the door thing again and again, on Sunday I got my bike gear out (coat, jacket boots etc) I throw them on the floor behind the chair (don't put them on my sofa/chair as covers are cream and I'm worried they will get dirty) so I got them out today and threw them on the floor as I would normally, but nothing the paper didn't budge a bit of movement yes but no way would it have ended up in the kitchen, I know it is impossible and there must be an explanation but as yet I cant think, I hadn't been near where the picture was, only to pick a candle up and place it on the mantle piece, it. just so baffling for me..I will try and put it out of my mind now as it's annoying me and I think I am going la la! bfn all.

bikergran Tue 24-Mar-15 19:38:25

yes I feel utterly stupid! and will in future not post until I have put my brain in gear! (if you read my last post on "do you believe in angels") dohhh!

loopylou Tue 24-Mar-15 19:56:19

Bless you smile
Stop beating yourself up, I'm sure I'd have been just like you!

Galen Tue 24-Mar-15 20:43:39

I'm still working, more part time than I'd like and I'm 70!

Galen Tue 24-Mar-15 20:44:56

Falcon come and visit me and I'll show you my tablet (the computing one, not the painkillers). It's great!

bikergran Tue 24-Mar-15 21:17:00

Galan I don't suppose "you" have any connection with Llandudno?

I am off to bed now, I think it's the best place for me smile yes I can still smile! even though after walking up to shops this morning for some cheese and bread to make cheese and tomato on toast (as that is what I really fancied) I made it (2 slices) come to get it out the oven (my grill is in the oven) pulled out the rack! and yes! it all slipped off onto the floor, confused I let it sit there a while as I was so disappointed and couldn't be bothered making any more (I've cleaned it up now) then I made a bacon butty for my late tea and burnt that!shock so I am now going to lie down in a darkened room out of harms way.
So goodnight all moon tomorrow is a new day.sunshine