Now retired, my husband wants us to travel - I will miss Grandchildren!

Its amazing how uninterested the GCs will be in your tales of holidays. When you were a child were you interested in other peoples holidays (which is what these are)? Even now, few people actually are. We've all had heartsink moments when albums of holiday snaps are produced.
I know this isn't what many of you want to read but some posters have been very hard on us Grans who just love our GCs more than extended holidays.

I supppose it depends how you feel about travelling. Personally I love it and would jump at the chance of a long trip to Mexico, - or anywhere else for that matter. So its a matter of personal feelings. But I also think that you might actually love it, and the grandchildren will still be there when you get back. I sort of feel that in this matter your first loyalty should be to your husband, especially as it is only a temporary absence from the beloved grandchildren. I travelled a lot when mine were young and it has never damaged our relationship.

From reading this thread I guess that what feels right for one person may not feel right for another and that's fine. We are all different and have different thoughts, values and needs.

I also suppose it depends on how much involved you are in your grandchildren's lives to start with doesn't it? If a gran looks after the children 2-3 days a week as I do then me taking off for 3-4 months could cause a major problem for my son and DiL's jobs. The children will (and I am not blowing my own trumpet here) no doubt miss me (and the activities we do together) a great deal, as I would miss them. On the other hand if the grandchildren are not used to seeing grandma/grandad on a regular (daily, weekly) basis then it would make no difference whatsoever.

You're so right, Jane10! Children of that age aren't going to be at all impressed by where the grandparents are/have been. We always send our DGC postcards from our travels because they love to get post addressed just to them. They're not a bit interested in those carefully chosen words written on the back.

For me there is nothing more boring than looking at piles of other people holiday photos. I don't mind one or two, but when the packets come out....... yawn.

Mind you I hate my photo taken and a few years ago DH and I were asked if we wold mind taking a couples photo in front of a picturesque fountain. We obliged and were asked if we would like them to take ours. They seemed surprised when I said no thank you.

I was living abroad when my first grandchild came along, I would joke with friends that it wouldn't change my life, and I was adiment on this view. One friend would go on and on about the love I would feel for my grandchildren and of course I would laugh and say: oh no, not me.
I had to eat my words, I fell in love with him. I love them both to bits but he really is my heart. I stuck it out ( living abroad) for another 3 years but I missed him so much.

DH and I were planning to do a 3 month road trip to Spain next winter, to look into sourcing a family home when my DD and SIL retire. We all plan to be living there in 10 years. My GSs are 12 and 11 so will be independent by then.

I was worrying about leaving them all until I read this thread. It'll be easy to Skype or FaceTime them and we are researching for the common good! DD says she'd miss us terribly but thinks we should go. I think I've now made up my mind that we will. Thank you all for your helpful comments, I don't feel such a selfish nana now.

Grinning grandma why are you worried about leaving your daughter ?

some posters have been very hard on us Grans who just love our GCs more than extended holidays.

I wouldn't presume to know who loves their grandchildren more and it certainly isn't the case that I love my GCs any less because I chose to travel.

As my grandfather always said - enjoy life while you can - you are a long time dead !! Go for it but maybe better to build up your times away in stages - 3-4 months might be too long for you and you might get withdrawal symptoms !! No good your husband having a companion who is miserable all the time you are away.
You have to distance yourself a bit from your commitments - when the grandchildren are older you will be too - you may not want to go then because travelling may be too irksome.
I am married to a workaholic and he doesn't like going away for more than 7 days because of his business. So in my 70th Year I am finally issuing an ultimatum - I am going exploring even if he isn't. I have grandchildren and I am there if they need me in an emergency but don't want to be a regular child minder responsible for young children at my age.

baubles not hard from me I hope. However, have been in the position of nursing many terminally ill people and their lists of regrets sometimes reduced me to tears out of their sight. That is why I travel the world, so perhaps a little biased - but with good reason. I have wonderful memories and tales to share with many children who never seem to miss me until I return. ?

baubles I agree. Children don't have to see older relatives on a daily or even monthly basis to have a good relationship with them.
I had an older aunt whom we saw once a year. I loved her dearly as a child and she was a source of inspiration to me when I was older. I looked forward to our holidays with her for months.
Travel does broaden the mind and I think it's good for DGCs to see that their GPS are interested in things besides the immediate family circle.

baubles Quite

Some of us have to leave behind DGC when we go for extended periods overseas to see the other DGC anyway.

We had dreams of moving away to the coast (no, haven't done that) and taking even more extended holidays travelling (haven't done that either - you never know if ill health might suddenly come along and hit you for six).

I would persuade your husband to go for six weeks - you never know, he may not like Mexico at all or may get bored and never want to go back again.

As other gransnetters have suggested, could compromise be the answer? What about going for six weeks or, at a push, two months? That's long enough to really get away from it all and explore a new place, while not perhaps feeling quite such a dauntingly long absence from grandchildren. I share your feelings, Minalta; at seven months and three years, children do change very quickly .. and you will miss these changes. But of course, your husband's long-held dream must be respected too. A two-month trip could be the best of both worlds.

I don't have grandchildren yet, but do think that you don't have to be involved in every aspect of your GC lives for them to know you and love you. We moved 400 miles away from grandparents when I was 7, and I loved my grandparents every bit as much, seeing them 2-3 times a year for a wonderfully intense, spoiled rotten stay with them. At the risk of having my head bitten off, I do worry that many grandparents are living their lives only through their grandchildren,involved in their day to day lives. Take your trip, and many more of them, while you and your DH are fit and able. Your grandchildren will not thank you for sacrificing your travel plans. They will be there when you get back.

I disagree that gc are not interested in your travels. I am not talking about staying in a 4 or 5 star hotel for a couple of weeks and driving a car around. I am talking about travelling around by local means, staying in small family run places and getting involved in the country. My 10 year old had a map of the countries I was travelling in and would mark our route, goggle information etc. This is an education of the wider sort you are giving them, mine still in their late teens, early twenties ask me where we are going and what we are doing. One is even planning to join us this year to celebrate my 70th local style with a street party.

I agree with you Barmy.
Even at 5,6 and 7 my DGC are interested in pictures & videos of our boat and all the places we've been to on our journey. Two of the American GCs have visited us on it. I'm hoping that one day they will read my blog and it will give them an additional perspective on their world.

Lovely to hear I am not the only one Jane, Its all about how you put it across to them and fire their imagination. My 6year old gc worked out you could have santa visit you twice if you travelled

I'm certainly not living my life through my grandchildren. I just don't want to miss these early crucial stages.
I've travelled a great deal (by travelled I mean actually working in various countries as opposed to travelling through them). I don't think that makes me any more interesting to my GCs. I'm not kidding myself!!

I still want to know - Why Mexico?

Minalta I understand how you feel I'm going through the same as you right now. Is there anyway your son in laws parents can help while you are away? I think like others have suggested maybe a shorter trip will help?

Jane10

Agree with everything youve said.
Suggest only (in the name of tact) you might have inserted the words being with :

...Grans who just love ^ our GCs more than extended holidays.

The grans who love such extended trips, and unhesitatingly pack their bags and go, while they may love their GCs every bit as much, clearly do not love spending time with them as much as grans who would choose that in preference to a long holiday. This is not a criticism, but simply a realistic acknowledgement of human differences.

As some mums love to be at home caring for their children full time, while others would be horrified not to remain in their full time career, so with grans, some would love to see their grandchildren daily, and some do, while for others a couple of times a year with updates and skype, is enough to satisfy their need for contact.

We are not all the same, and some of those with itchy feet seem to fail to understand that.

Hi there,
I had a similar dilemma a few years ago with my daughter...i was planning to go travelling with my husband but we then found out our youngest daughter who was living at home was pregnant. We agreed to postpone our travels for a few years until our grandson was 3 or 4 but my husband decided to bring it forward so that we would leave Jan 2016 for a 15 week travel adventure.

Initially i was very apprehensive about leaving my daughter alone at home with baby (18 months) as she was so used to having everything done for her - my fault! I worried that she wouldn't cope and that if something awful happened i wouldn't be around or even close by to help ...I had never left any of my children for longer than 2 weeks so going away for 15 weeks was a monumental decision and at the time i was not sure if i was ready or even if my daughter was ready (18 years old).

I can assure you i need not have worried and i am so glad that my husband brought our travels forward! Yes i really missed my children and of course my grandson but i spoke to them regularly via Messenger etc Most importantly it gave my daughter the opportunity to grow up properly and establish herself as a mother and a housewife and organise herself in her way. She has since moved out in to her own flat and although i was devastated to see them both leave i believe the 15 weeks away from them really helped to prepare me for that.

My children and my grandson rock my world and there is not anything i would not do for them but you can not live your entire life for your children or your grandchildren. It is important to pursue your own dreams both individually and as a couple and continue to explore your own fantasies and desires, particularly when you find yourself at a time in your life when you have the opportunity to do such things. You will find yourself enriched as a result and travelling opens up avenues of thought in your mind that would not have been possible had you not travelled. You will learn so much about yourself and even maybe more or things you did not know or realise about your husband and you will find this enlightening.

Go travel and enjoy the world and its people and all that it has to offer. You will have so many stories to tell, pictures and video to show when you come back and no doubt lots of gifts for your precious family xx

"You will have so many stories to tell, pictures and video to show when you come back"

Most people simply come back with stories pictures and videos to bore people with! I am not suggesting that was you, but its generally true. Very few are talented raconteurs.

Once again a post telling the OP she should go rather than acknowledging her wishes. Unlike you Gmam, whose hesitancy seemed to be based only on fear of your daughters ability to cope, the OP seems to be reluctant primarily because she prefers to spend her time with her GCs, and concern about helping her daughter is a very secondary one.

I hope that Minalta comes back and tells us what she has decided to do. Although not in exactly the same position as her, I would say 'Go and enjoy yourselves!' No-one knows what's around the corner. we have just booked a 5-week tour to Australia & New Zealand because the time is right for us. We will see the GC when we return, aswell as possibly Skyping when away. Don't want to leave it till we're older and maybe less agile.