Continued support and fun aspects too of rebuilding lives after estrangement can't believe 4 years and we still here to offer help, friendship and support.TWO

BuggsyI don't understand why you are on this thread as it seems to " bug" you that we are bitter as you say. I'm sorry that this thread upsets you so much that you need to judge us. How would you feel if you were estranged from a family member for years without an explanation. So instead of looking at us as bitter why not look at the children as cowards for not telling us why they have an issue with us.
Please don't make statements that are untrue until you have walked a mile or kilometer in our shoes.

So Buggsy who did you 'cut out!' I'll bet it was your husbands mother, am I right? Your not a grandparent!

Yes I did have a very special bond with my GD and I will not denied that. She lived with me, I chose her name, she was named after me thereafter, I was the second person in the world to hold her in my arms and from that second till the day I die and beyond I will love her with all of my heart and soul. I wasn't just a GP, I was her second parent, as the dad didn't won't to know from the start of my D pregnancy!

I love my GS too, I was at his birth and was the third person to hold him, I loved him than and will love him till the day I die and beyond, he is my beloved GS! From when my D, GD & future s.i.l moved out of my house into their own place, my ND and I where given the message that we were second to his family, we accepted this, as long as we could still see our beloved D & GC/Sister &N&N.

My nasty s.i.l and his huge family are gypsy and as I'm sure most would know, gypsy folk do not like outsiders, so slowly but surely ALL of my D's birth family were 'cut out!'

It was my D that didn't bond with her Son. This scenario was transferred onto me, I just couldn't work out what my nasty s.i.l was going on about, saying "she [me] refused to hold him when he was born!", until the penny dropped and I realised he was talking about my D not me! My D didn't bond with her Son for 18mnths!

I never had a problem with my s.i.l and didn't realise what a problem he had with me until on the 16th Nov 2012 he told me to "F* OFF" throwing his fist at me, I'd just arrived on a pre-planned visit!

Thank you *SM,LL,ED,NS,FD,S. good posts from all

& R

I'm sorry I feel like I need to wade in here, my mum is one of the gn's and I am also estranged from my sister.

Reading the comments from buggsy, what a complete and utter moron.
I was disowned a few months after my mum, I treated the children no differently to each other, my bil would call me sis, phone for advice, came to my birthday meal with friends, took me out for lunch with my sister for my birthday. My crime? I refused to side with them disowning my mum.

Few months later I received a text saying "miss you" she wanted to meet me to sort things out but I then received texts saying I need to apologise to her & all her family. I thought fine. They became offended when I said that I did not feel comfortable going to their house and to meet on mutual ground, they stopped replying. (I had received very abusive texts prior to the recent exchange).

A few weeks later I sent her a message saying how much I missed her, I wanted her back in my life and for this to stop. Her response? "You're pathetic, see you can't even go out without thinking of me".

There was other communications after which was nasty.

Following year I contacted her to let her know she was going to be an aunt, we met on valentines day for a coffee & lunch, it was all positive, she even gave me a kiss goodbye, next day I noticed she blocked me on facebook and it went silent.

She emailed me after my daughter was born, pleasant to begin with and then turned nasty.

So what did I do buggsy that was bitter? Is her behaviour normal?
Is her husband stopping her from seeing her family? Most likely.
I have contemplated contacting her so my daughter sees her cousins but am fed up of it always being me handing out the olive branch and receiving abuse back.

So buggsy I suggest you remove yourself from this thread, as you are talking a load horse crap.

Sometimes people just wake up one morning and decide they want nothing to do with you, that's what my bil did. He wants just his family and nobody else, his mum & sister was mostly jealous of how close we were with their children and decided to get rid of us.

Oh, Yoga, ed didn't hold gs when he was born? She didn't bond with him for 18 months? It sounds like there was a lot of turmoil going on in her life/marriage at the time - she couldn't bond with gs, sil was angry at her for it, they had a big argument. Maybe she had ppd or something, but whatever, there were obviously issues that had nothing to do with you. I feel as if you just sort of got caught in the crossfire. (((Hugs)))

Saying that doesn't change anything after all this time. But I just wanted to express that. It's another way mums/mils get co, sometimes, I think, that wasn't covered in bugsy's examples.

Smileless and Celeb - Sounds like you people all had a great time! So happy for you!

About life being "too short," ladies, etc. I understand that, of course. But I imagine it's hard to forgive people who don't act as if they've done anything wrong and haven't reached out for forgiveness. If an ac contact their parents and says, "I'm sorry I cut you out, and I would like to mend our relationship," that's one thing. But how can parents forgive an ac for pushing them away when the ac is still doing it? I know some people do it within themselves to let go of the anger, etc. But even that must be very difficult.

LeoKitty - it was good to read your side of the story I am so sorry you have had such an upsetting time. My own daughter became very depressed when it looked like she was losing her brother because of his wife`s demands. Thank God we have managed to keep in touch with him. People don`t realise how much estrangement affects the wider family. Look after yourself

LeoKitty, I'm so sorry! It sounds as if your sister may be the victim of some sort of emotional abuse. You may just have to move on with your life and your own family. Hopefully, one day, your sis will break free of bil and reach out to you again.

Or was it always like this? Was your relationship with her always checkered? Could it be something in her personality? Not much you can do about that either, unfortunately.

One other thought - does she possibly suffer from some sort of mental condition that you know of? She may need treatment, but again, that's something she'll have to come to by herself or with encouragement from bil.

(((Hugs)))

But wait, wait, wait... Leo, were you defending mum when sis turned nasty? As bugsy said, often people push away one family member if they defend another one. The only way you can have a relationship with sis may be if it's completely separate from anything going on between her and your mum. I'm not saying to go against your mum - I don't blame you for refusing to do that (I wouldn't do it either if I were in your shoes). Just suggesting that you not try to defend her to sis or to try to get her to reconcile with mum. If your loyalty to mum is such that you can't help but defend her, I'm afraid you'll have to forego a relationship with sis (unless they make up).

Hi starlady, we was always very close, I was her birth partner for her daughter, I arranged her hen do and was chief bridesmaid at her wedding. She was always a bit of a naughty girl but that never affected our relationship.

I didn't defend my mum to begin with, as I said I'm not getting in the middle but after a string of abusive texts to me, I felt I had to defend her as I didn't agree with their behaviour towards her. They have now disowned all family members.

I've tried to resolve it with them several times, trying to see both point of views but to no avail.

I am worried about my sister that she is in a controlling and abusive relationship but I don't think her husband will allow us to meet up, as I suspect she was told not to meet me again after we met for lunch. As it doesn't make sense when she was so positive.

Glad Smileless and Celeb had a great time. You have to wonder why some people, like Bugsy555, get enjoyment from posting deliberately provoking posts. All of us are doing our best to enjoy our lives, despite rejection, we can't let nc spoil our lives or define us.. Before this happened to me I was ignorant that it even existed, the experience has made me stronger I think to deal with people like Bugsy.
Have good weekend everyone. Welcome to the Forum Kitty.

Hello Kitty ?.
It's refreshing to hear from a sibling of an estranged adult.
Our son has had a similar experience.

As a close supportive family we welcomed our sil and he enjoyed being part of our family as his was somewhat dysfunctional.
All was well until the children came along...

He tried to get to the bottom of what had happened, but sil started to send insulting texts..our daughter wouldn't respond to either phone calls or texts made by her brother.

We have always been able to talk about problems in an adult manner even if we agree to disagree,respectful of each other's opinion.

They are still part of our family whether they like it or not..at the moment they'd rather not.

So true what Rhinestone said about not facing up and running away.

Good wishes to you all.

I have a feeling that Bugsy was on this thread a few months ago causing mayhem, under a different name of course.

What a great post Leokitty. Thank you for sharing with us, I don't think I've come across anything about estrangement from the invaluable perspective that you have.

You could be right Fairydoll but it's difficult to tell sometimes as so many who come on to disrupt the thread and upset some of the regular posters all come out with the same rubbish, it becomes nigh on impossible to tell them apart.

From what I've read, if Bugsy's motivation was to cause mayhem, she's failed to do so.

That's so sad, Kitty. (((Hugs)))

NS, your ds' story seems to be an example of a sibling getting co because they tried to get in the middle. I know he had good intentions, and was just trying to figure things out. Sorry ed didn't see it that way. Very sad.

Kitty, just a thought... Is there no one at all in the family that esis keeps in touch with? Not even a distant relative? I'm asking because I think maybe they would have a clue as to what this is all about.

Starlady this is not how it was,our son had texted to thank my d and sil for a present they had sent to his daughter(our granddaughter) sil replied politely at first then started insulting his dad...a father who our son has only ever known kindness and support,he was both hurt and shocked that someone who had been welcomed into our family should behave like this.

We don't know if our daughter knows any of this.
Think she's in denial.

Sorry, NS, I misunderstood. You said he "tried to get to the bottom of what happened, but sil started to send insulting texts, our daughter wouldn't respond" to her brother. So I thought he tried to talk to them about the co and they, unfortunately, got angry. Now I see it was different than that. My mistake.

Leokitty, hopefully one day your sister will leave her controlling spouse. At least you know the situation, these abusive partners get worse over time. Only your sister can make that decision. Hopefully you are still sending cards, if or when the day comes, she will know she can come to you, that you still love her, until that day comes, enjoy your life.

Starlady, I think you are trying to understand the complexity of estrangement and offer support.This is appreciated.

More often than not there is a third party who really doesn't want a harmonious family life.
I for one would not wish my daughter or her family to be unhappy and even though this situation is at times unbearable I have to accept that.

Both she and her brother had a happy family life and we have many cards from her thanking us for all the help and support we gave to both sil and herself.

(Don't wish to elaborate further as am aware this is an open forum.)

NS

Well it was so.lovely meeting smileless a d her dear husband we got on soon.well!

Nirthernsoul luck legs and rest yes wish we could all link.up
I missed our visitor busby? Have I got name wrong
I will say how very ignorant your post was mentioning my dear husband telling his daughter about my major surgery. If you had read properly you would have seen it was not my wish for her to no as another olive branch Rejected is too.painful. whoever u are it is not good to comment on things u know nothing about. Any cari g daughter would care about her mother havi ng a serious operation. It has nothing to do with any issues it's called human dscency.

Sadly our daughter has none she took.all.we could give her emotionally a d financially for 28 years only to cruelly discard us. I feel no anger or bitterness anymore just glad for genuine friends and family who do care

Star lady it would be a strange child who would run their mother down in order to keep friends with a sibling a little shallow don't u think? My son certainly was loyal to me

Northern soul correct this is open I was naieve at first

Me too drawer full
If thank u letters notes cards over her life up.to this estrangement what was it all.about?

Lovely to have you back,Celeb.

We know we did our best,the cards show how appreciative they were and am reassured by them.

Er did you buy any shoes? Perhaps there was little time for shopping!

NS

lol northern soul no shopping my back sadly not able we enjoying anniversary weekend despite tum.problems and was great be with smokeless and her dh we just gelled. And hope be first many links we had most awful journey due to accident sadly next time hope u can join us x

Damn keep losing post on phone show was EastEnders tonight OK but felt Ill all day we struggled to acquacise then went wash my.hair no hot water duty mgr eventually turned up took.us to another room not ideal fixed now but we tad annoyed given price of our room

Lol northern no more shoes for long while dh helped me sort bottom wardrobesooo many shoes forgot had without boxes in bedroom 2 shoe racks mmmm
Smileless bum.forgot show u my new ring not worn it yet anniversary Tom! We tickled pink with lovely card and pres u got us so kind

Yes northern cards can be comfort that our estranged ones sent us but sad too Al.ist like from different person

Luckkeg u too and yogagril edicat we must all.link.up night night x

Meant show was westenders from musicals not EastEnders lol