My children can't deal with my honesty

First of all, you must never say or even think of 'leaving' because that solves nothing and would cause buckets full of grief, so forget it.
Now, there is not much you or anyone can do to make them talk to you or at least discuss the problem.
If you have said anything that you regret saying, apologise in person, by phone, text, email or write a brief letter.
If you don't think you have said anything which needs an apology, you must carry on keeping as busy as possible, including outings with your OH and not spending hours talking about it to him or wallowing in ifs/buts/could've/should've and wasting your life away.
It happened and unless they choose to contact you and start building bridges, you will have to make the happiest life possible with your OH.
Trust me, they are not likely to be feeling sorry for you, harsh though that may seem.
Perhaps you could post a card(s) to those involved, say once a month, hoping they're all well and you are thinking of them and wishing them a happy summer and all the best...something along those lines but notmentioning the problem.
If you ring or text they bay chxnge their numbers or block you.
They are less likely to move house.
I hope a rapprochement of some sort comes about in the not too distant future, meanwhile, pm me if you feel really down. I will always respond.
Take care and your wish may come to pass.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

* may change their numbers. Sorry.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you always got.

My heart goes out to you.
I can identify with your post and easily imagine how angry and upset you must be, both with the family situation and some of the responses to your post.
I have found myself frequently indignant at people's reactions to my blunt truth telling but.....
The fact is that not only do we make others uncomfortable but ultimately we alienate them by forcing our view of the world. It would be easier, we think, if everyone was upfront about their thoughts and feelings, stopped being 'mealy mouthed' and faced up to the facts. However one fact is that we cause hurt. Over the last few years I have been trying to live in the world as it is rather than as I'd like it to be. It's a huge challenge to accept but the alternative is loneliness and isolation. I would be unable to cope with that.
I an tell you that some economy with the truth is necessary in order to function socially. I now try to phrase things in a more digestible manner if asked for an opinion and to try to keep schtum otherwise. Learning to be tactful, not voicing our judgements and curbing our impulses goes against the grain but, even at 66 I am gradually changing . I often think, still, but that's who I am ( the straight talking , fact facing, blunt woman) they should know me by now. I am trying to filter the woman I am , with a generous heart and tolerant attitude in order to be closer to the person I'd like to be. It's slow but I'm moving in the right direction. No one wants to change who they are and essentially I'm still me but a more acceptable version.
For your own sake please try to share the positives...eg I love you, I miss you, I'm proud of you, and try to think carefully before you let out truths that, perhaps, others cannot bear tohear . It's a hard but worthwhile challenge and I wish you every success.

I lived in Holland for many years and the Dutch are proud of the way they speak their mind and say it like it is but I found it very rude and thoughtless. My daughter who went there at 4 months was very unhappy the whole time we were there at their outspokenness and was much happier when we came back to the uk.
It is not a good thing to speak your mind with no thought for other's feelings, the skill is knowing when to speak and when not to.
All you can do now is apologise and maybe ask them to tell you if you step out of line. After all you are the grownup and you have the most to lose.

If you want a relationship with your family I'd work on trying to put things right. Not everybody appreciates it being said as it is. Perhaps write an apology expressing how you never meant to hurt them and you will restrain expressing your views in the future if they are negative but you are missing them so would like a chance to put things right. Ask them whether you can draw a line under the past and move forward. I would suggest your write rather than text as texts can be a bit blunt, write it one day and put it aside until the next, then read it again before you send it. Keep doing this until it has the right tone to build bridges. It will be a tough road but one which sounds that would be a far better alternative to not being on this planet. If you are having self harming thoughts, seek an appointment with your GP as a matter of urgency.
My son "doesn't sugar coat" things and sometimes I wince when he speaks his mind. I've learned to tell him when I think he is being hurtful and a recent discussion with him about his child highlighted how he didn't like the same thing being done to him.
Whilst I agree that it is far better to be honest, I do think you have to temper this with the sensitivities of others especially if it is causing such hurt to all of you. Good luck

It is unusual for the opening poster not to comment on replies to your post, especially when you have asked 'What shall I do'? Perhaps you don't agree with what others are saying and don't like them speaking their mind. If you are upset by the replies, perhaps you can understand how your family feel about you speaking yours.

I would ask yourself
Is it true? is it necessary? and is it kind? - and if you can't say yes to all 3 then keep quiet.
Too many people are proud of speaking their mind when actually they are being very rude. It is a very fine dividing line.

You know what has caused this and you must ask yourself is being opinionated and right all the time better than having your family? You cannot be right about everything. I know my own mind but am am the opposite in my attitude for fear of interfering or upsetting anyone I am different with my friends. I think Alex quote very good, I haven't heard it before. I would apoligise to them all including your husband, he won't be seeing them until you do and that not fair, then step back for a while. Your counsellor should not have given her opinion but get you to look at your feelings so I would not go back to her, she cannot be a trained counsellor to do that. I found most people that come to counselling know deep down what's wrong but not how to deal with their problems, talking explores that. Good luck because I know you want to put things tight.

Many many years ago my mother said -
'You can't help what you feel, but you can help what you do about it.'
I have carried this with me all my life, and it is amazing on how many different occasions this statement can be applied.

Chrissy normally when Original posters don’t reply it’s because they were expecting a lot of ‘yes you’re right’ ‘poor you’ posts when they get honest crititism they disappear Maybe as our poster is a ‘say it as it is’ person she will really enjoy our honest replies and come back and agree with our opinions or maybe she’s gearing up to give us both barrels ?

BlueBelle ... If OP comes back and gives negative responses to all our constructive criticism, then that would be so sad. I rather enjoy a healthy collective hive-mind mentality on Gn or Mn.

Sylvia ...Mn is eye opening in what passes for acceptable healthy attitudes these days.

I have noticed that those who say, 'I speak as I find' cannot deal with others doing likewise.

You will need to be tactful. I can't begin to tell you what nonsense our dear 27 and 29 year olds come out with but we bite our tongues and, indeed, have a chuckle.

When they drive you crazy, as they will, consider whether losing them entirely is worth speaking your mind.

Would you rather be right or happy? I think everyone has given you good advice.

In some ways, I understand what you mean about being "straightforward and no BS." Yes, truth is important rather than lies and hypocrisy but, if everything you think in your head comes out of your mouth, it will lead to trouble.

I think an apologetic, softer and more tactful approach might help. Good luck! I wish you well.

deblee maybe you should tape yourself one day and listen to what you are actually saying. We can get so ingrained in our own ideals that we do not always hear how hurtful we can constantly be.

You say your children cannot deal with your honesty, now you cannot deal with theirs, one big difference is they have only just been honest you, while you have been 'honest' for all their lives. In their place What do you think they should do?

You say you are beside yourselves with sadness about thaeir cruelty...well when you’re being “honest” maybe that’s how they feel. Maybe less honesty and more kindness and a great big sorry would help.

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Deblee31 - it must be an excruciatingly painful time for you and your husband atm. Nothing worse than adult children cutting us out of their lives. There must be a way forward through this, after all, you are their Mum. None of us know the background to your situation but I truly believe most posters genuinely care and want to help, though you may not recognise that yet. Do you have a good insight into your children’s motivation? You may feel ‘ganged up on’ by you children? Can you make the difficult first move? I’m sure you love them all so a first move may be to tell them all that. I wish you all the very best in moving onwards through an incredibly painful situation.

I think some people wear their honesty like a badge of honour, and feel obliged to be honest, even knowing that the truth will hurt somebody.
I find it particularly difficult when the truth serves no suppose except to make one party feel superior.
I had this discussion with my neighbour just yesterday.
She was telling me how she 'tells it like it is' to her daughter in law.
"I told her I couldn't live how she does, piles of clothes everywhere, etc etc"
I can't see that truth serves any purpose.
Daughter in law has been in my neighbours house and seen it is spick and span, so she knows how it is.

You ask what to do, well as regards your two sons and DILs could your husband have a quiet word with the families and say you wish to apologise for what has upset them and would like to talk with them. If they agree and you may have to wait, try as hard as you can to keep your thoughts and criticisms of the past to yourself. The stepdaughter is more difficult did you just meet her when she was 15?. If we all went round telling everyone the truth I am afraid society would not work and families are the same. Don't think again of "leaving" get in there and sort things out.

Please don't leave this planet just yet! Your adult children may be angry with you but that doesn't mean they don't love you. Consider also that the situation you are facing does have a solution, but you need to be a part of it, because nothing happens in a vacuum.

Going foreward, you have the power to change....you can choose to avoid (toxic) behaviors that may have alienated your children in the first place. The way your children communicate is another issue because accusations are never helpful. When your SD called you a 'failure as a mother' it was her anger talking and she probably didn't mean what she said.

Nobody has the right to inflict 'how they feel' on others, if the feeling is a negative. Try replacing hurtfully 'honest' commentaries with nice compliments instead....if that's too much for now, you may want to remain silent.

It is possible to mend your torn relationships with each one of your children but you need to be constructive and avoid negative accusations. You have to be willing to acknowledge your part in this too. Comments you've made in the past might have been highly inflammatory and much more hurtful than you realize.

Tell them you want to improve your family relationships and are willing to make a sincere effort to change your ways because you love them and you can't bear to lose them.

Above all, be prepared to apologize and to receive some 'honest' feedback from the others in the process.

Being honest is an admirable trait - but not at the expense of others' feelings.
Sometimes a diplomatic answer is much better, particularly where members of the family are concerned.

She was telling me how she 'tells it like it is' to her daughter in law.
Oh my goodness

Then she'll wonder one day why DIL won't see her.