I'm just not a 'small children' person

I only love babies that are sitting in their pushchairs smiling at me, and are then wheeled off in the opposite direction.

Maybe the new partner needs a little time with her own little one. It's a big change for them too. This one is suddenly having to share his/her mummy with two strange children. Perhaps your stepson is being thoughtful towards his new partner, being caring like his dad. This is not a criticism of you, just another way to look at it.

MissA
and never, ever, ever, squeeze their lovely chubby little knee even if it is well covered by a Babygro and a ski suit.
You will be arrested by the new breed of Precious Parents.

I don't think it unreasonable to want to have time with your husband at the weekend when you are working. If DH is with the children during the week then he should compromise about the weekends. If the children came every other weekend it would be better for you

Tell Mum and Dad how you feel. That's okay. Just because we are grandparents or step-grandparents or whatever, doesn't mean we are permanently available [free] child carers. Yes, of course, it is good to help out, but not so much that it is causing you to feel resentful or causing friction in your relationship with your husband.

Sometimes, it seems to me that our children forget that our primary purpose in life is no longer to accommodate and care for them. We've done that when they were growing up. Most of us are glad to help them out from time to time or even on a regular basis but it is not an entitlement.

I raised my daughter, mostly as a single parent (even when I was still married), then I cared for my elderly mother until her death, now I put in lots of granny time to care for my grandchildren. I don't resent any of this, but I do need some time that is my time –and absentdaughter does, of course, recognise this.

As I understand it, your DH has one or other of his DGC round on alternate Sundays (so just one weekend day out of four) to take some of the pressure off his son’s very new little family unit. Good on him, he sounds like a lovely, kind man, and no doubt he enjoys the chance to spend time with his grandchild. They’ll be at school soon (the 4 year old from tomorrow, I assume), so less chance for him to see them during the week while you’re not around. You’ve made your feelings clear to him, and he doesn’t expect you to help, but you still feel resentful. He’s already suggested you go out while the child is there, so if you want to watch a film why not go to the pictures? Or can’t you arrange to meet up with friends on those days? It’d be lovely if you could make the effort to spend a little time helping him out and getting to know the children who are, after all, part of your extended family, but if you don’t want to, you don’t have to. Are the children at yours all day, or is it just for a few hours?

Have you had children of your own? If not, then perhaps that's why you don't care much for little kids.

I’m with you all the way Bytheway, just typed a message to you and it disappeared ??‍♀️ The gist of it was nothing lasts forever, especially unhappy situations. You didn’t sign up for this when you got married and your husband should be considering you too.

I do wonder how we have got to the situation where there are so many demanding grown up children these days.

I have friends who admit that they are absolutely exhausted looking after their grandchildren for several days per week.They have said that it really was not how they had planned to spend their retirement, yet they feel unable to say no, when the cost of paid childcare is mentioned.

I considered it was my responsibility to look after my own children, and though my parents and in laws did babysit and take the children for days out from time to time, it was by no means expected of them.

By the way Nanny41 I completely agree with you about how some people talk absolutely non stop about their grandchildren! It's infuriating isn't it? We must all guard against doing it, as the fact is, other people are really not interested, despite any polite nods and smiles.

I think some of you are a bit quick to pin a halo on this chap.
He probably is very nice and kind but he also does seem to expect help from bytheway or she wouldn't be constantly interrupted.

I also don't agree that it is anything to do with a 'biological bond'. Adoptive parents love their children just as much as biological parents.

Not enjoying the company of tiny children is not some sort of character flaw, it's just different. She is not wishing them ill, just doesn't want to spend so much time looking after them after a week at work.

Phew...difficult...I think the OP could be my husband's view t.b.h. He has married into a large family with lots of kids and grandkids (4 of my own and 2 step kids from a previous marriage also) We always seem to have some catastrophe or other and he steps up, running about here there and everywhere! Does he get fed up? Yep...as I do! But at the end of the day.....we help out as much as we can.

I've told him to say NO....when yet another AC asks if he can do school run or whatever. He won't do it! He also works full time as well shift work as I do.

Only YOU can sort this bytheway Either go along with it OR do as DH suggests and absent yourself. I would not stop helping my children -even if I moan sometimes lol - but that is MY choice and its is your DH's choice and you have the choice of doing other things OR joining in?

I don't find small children boring....just EXHAUSTING