I just do not understand...

Thing is aka, how would they know we were listening unless we said something?

I agree with whoever said that our own friends give differing advice depending on their view point and their own experiences.

Isn't it rather irritating and frustrating when posters come along with a problem and then we hear no more from them at all, either on other threads or telling us how things are progressing? I liken those people to those who just do the competitions - abiding by the rules but not really entering into the spirit of the thing. [dusksbehindthesofasmartishwithawitcheshaton]

Grammar kitty - no point trying to make a point and getting the grammar wrong! [witch's]

Yes! Sometimes in the past when people have come on complaining about a relative, say an ungrateful adult child, I have winced when some posters start saying critical things about the child (they should grow up, they are users, they should be asked to leave the house etc.)

For this reason I would hesitate to post about problems I might have with my nearest and dearest because I know I wouldn't want to expose them to this kind of comment.

Also, even when I am feeling really angry with a family member, when I calm down later I try to look at my part in the situation because I know, although it is difficult for me to see the wood for the trees, I will be doing something unhelpful.

Sorry if I am sounding like Saint Petallus!

I should say there have not been many critical comments of the kind I mentioned and I think it's okay about exes and, well perhaps anybody apart from one's children.

That's the kind of attitude I like, petallus, which is why I actually don't feel very sympathetic to people who clearly aren't looking at the problem from anyone else's viewpoint but their own. When I say 'clearly', I mean as far as I can tell by what they say in their post(s). If they seem to have considered the other person's or people's point of view, even if they don't like it and think it unreasonable, at least one feels they've tried to be reasonable themselves.

When that isn't evident (or when I just can't see the evidence for it) well, yes, I suppose I can be accused of lacking empathy for the person wanting my sympathy. But somehow, I'm not ashamed of that.

Pass the witch's hat over, please, kitty.

kitty I do agree with your point re asking a question and then never being heard of again.

Wonder if that's just a case of feeling a bit desperate, and, having always lurked before, the poster plucks up courage and then comes out with their problem? They may take notice of all the replies, but just don't give any other feedback for some reason or other?

j08 You cannot be Geraldine's mum and Camilla Porker Bowels at the same time.

LizG how is this thread "at the expense of others"? I really think you owe me an explanation of that accusation.

Absent - love child. Sshhh!

Absent is that what passes as your sense if humour? By 'porker' do you mean fat? And what does the 'bowels' signify? Unkind, unnecessary and more.

Bless!

Bless who? Aka, Geraldine, me or Parker Bowles?

All of you – why not? Especially those who cannot recognise a play on words.

Thank you holy mother.

Petallus that is typical woman's guilt. You can bet your life men don't feel it.

[groan smiley]

It's to do with emotional intelligence j08 not guilt. And i don't want to be like a man thanks.

I am sure some men have emotional intelligence. Not all just a few.

Oh Absent was that what it was. Silly me. What a noodle I am. [wonk]

Oops truly a pink poodle moment. (Simpers irritatingly]

J08 You started this thread very shortly after a poster on another thread was upset by comments made. I feel that this thread is just another way of bringing matters to the fore again. We don't always know how posters truly feel, most will be genuine and some not. Some will leave this site and return to a life alone. I worry about how they will react to what has been said here.

I don't think there is anything hurtful in this thread. Tbh.

Oh, come off it, LizG. Some will leave this site and return to a life alone??? We're not that important and how do you know they're going to take any notice of advice that's been offered?

Actually some people are in a situation like that. I'm not saying thats the case here but, when my marriage ended I was in a very dark, lonely place and if I'd had the internet in those days and been met with a negative comment I would have been incredibly upset. A lot of people read posts from a position of happines and security and tend to forget that not everyone is in the same place.

Wise word Tegan. Quite right.