Do I leave one son out of my will.

He's still your son, treat him as such no matter how he has behaved. You will have done the right thing and whether he appreciates or not is up to him. You are still his mother and should show him how much you loved him despite everything.

After his lack of contact, not going to his father's funeral and not contacting you after your heart attack, I doubt he will expect anything from your will. I know I wouldn't. If your son has children, you could leave them something, as lack of contact isn't their fault and they would have missed out on at least one set of grandparents. A good idea to leave a letter if you can find the words.

Why should you not leave him out of your will ?you could skip and give to his children.if you feel so torn
Why do you feel that he should be given anything has he shown himself to be a true son
Your son how is he a son what care or love or respect has he shown to his parents, parents that nutured him .
Again as I say why do we so go with the stiff upper lip.
If you have extra you could give it to a charity who would use it for good.
Sorry if I sound harsh but no why should you.

Thank you to everyone
I also am going through this
Both my adult children are not in contact my son called me Stupid!!
His gf left vmail wish me a slow lonely death. And now not allowed to see my
Grandson.
My daughter another story
So if they were Young Would you reward their behaviour, would you let a friend do this to you No
Live your life & leave what you have to who ever you want.
I feel your pain,
It hurts , they have chosen
Do what right for you !!!!

Blessings to you all

I agree with fluttERBY123.

Usually I would say don't leave your child out of a will, but because he couldn't even turn up to support you at his father's funeral I wouldn't have a second thought about leaving him out of your will.

Firstly, I it is up to the person making the Will whatwho to put in and what/who to leave out. If you are estranged that says it all. Why should you leave anything to somebody who doesn't care anything about you. I have this situation and have left the estranged child out of my Will completely, they don't deserve anything and couldn't care less if I live or die. But ultimately, it is YOUR Will and therefore YOUR choice.

For those who have yet to make a will, Have a look at the rules on intestacy, work out how the money will be distrubuted if you do not make a will. Nephews, however close excluded, estranged children getting an equal share with their siblings who have done everything for you.

If that doesn't sting you in to making a will, nothing will.

When you write the will leave your property to who you want to and say why, if your nephew was a great help say so and if your son ignored you, again say why he gets left out.

My husband died suddenly 2 years ago. Luckily he'd made a will 14 years before leaving equal amounts to all three of his children.

One of his chilseen is from a previous marriage. After I read out the will, my stepson asked me if I was 'making provision' for him- leave him something in my will. His mother is still alive and is quite comfortable financially.

When I wouldn't tell him, because I thought his request was inappropriate 1 month after DH death, and quite frankly none of his business, he then decided to try to freeze probate, giving an excuse that he believed there was a later will around.

I was going to leave him 20% of my Estate in my original will. I changed my will then to leave him nothing. Not because he was entitled to anything, but because he took the legal route that he did and cost me so much in emotional energy when I was in deep mourning.

Since then he has not bothered to even reach out to his half siblings (my children with his dad). They are the innocent party and he should have no grudge against them.

No children are entitled to their parents estate. You can leave your money to whoever you want...they haven't earned it.

Sorry but quite simply, do what your DH asked.

I am so sorry you have lost your husband and that you have had such serious health problems.

I do not want to upset you, or anyone, but honestly, your son does not consider you as part of his life. To not attend his Father's funeral, without a good reason and getting in touch, well- he has shown he does not want to be part of your family.
We tend to overdo what we expect from family. We read books, see films and even know other families where all members seem to get on and we believe this is what it should be like. So when a member of our own family just disowns us and cuts himself off, then we struggle against the odds to try and make them seem to be "normal" in respect of belonging with us. But not everyone is! Indeed it is quite common for a family to have a member that does not bother about their parents and siblings. I have tried to comfort several mothers like you with sons and one was a daughter who just went off and lost touch. One mother found out her daughter had married and she was heart-broken that she was not even told let alone included in the ceremony.
We grow up with and hold on to such strong expectations about our children. But they are quite separate people from us. Genetically they can be made from influences of people we never knew who were so incredibly different that we cannot imagine what they were like. Nobody prepares us for this.
Just as nobody prepares a child for having a cold or uncaring or cruel parent, so nobody prepares parents for having cold and uncaring children. But it happens. It is nobody's fault. Just a random act of nature and mix of genes from somewhere way back.
I would honour your dear husband's memory by doing as he wisely says and I would give some help to your dear nephew as a token of your love to him in gratitude for his love and kindness to you.
We can't choose our family.
Do not dwell on it. Leave it to the Lord. Bless you

Oh trueblue22 that is such a painful experience! I am so sorry. I have to say, I do admire you for your action and absolutely agree that it is appropriate.

What a very wicked man this boy was! How he would have hurt his father by such behaviour! Did he really expect to gain from the estates of two mothers? What greed! And no! It is none of his business to ask the contents of your will at the reading of your late husband's will! How callous and grasping can a person be? And what did he expect to gain from freezing probate of his father's estate? How cruel to his father's widow!! I am so terribly upset that you had to suffer this when you were in mourning for your DH. Also sudden death is a lot harder to deal with emotionally. I happen to know simply from my career before I retired, but it is obvious. A death that follows an illness and is expected does allow preparation, albeit very hard and bringing its own pain and anguish. However to have a person there and then suddenly they are gone is a terrible shock which can take a long time from which to recover.
I do hope your DH's sudden death is not such a terrible pain for you now and that you are beginning to pick up the threads of life without him. I suspect he is very much still around and near you so you can feel him with you as you do the daily round of life's little chores.

Now you have sorted out your will, I would give it no more thought but just try and enjoy life day by day as best you can. Again, for what it is worth, I sincerely agree with your decision.

With very best wishes, Elle

Teyha. Sending you much love and support. When our children marry, I have found, they become influenced by their spouse. They effectively become a different person. They seem to want us for what we can give them in some cases. I have read so much pain on the pages of GransNet about this. We need to support each other. It is harder to be a parent of an adult child than of a child! nobody tells you this when you have a baby!!
Your friends are important. They know you. Look after yourself.
With much love, Elle x

Cathy21
My sympathies are with you.

We are in a similar situation, having’ lent’ our youngest son large amounts of money over several years ( like idiots ) , on thinking that we would be repaid as he promised. That is just not going to happen - unless a miracle happens, & we have made the decision to cut him & his family from both our Wills. Our eldest son will inherit everything , & it is up to him as to whether he decides to give any to his brother. Knowing him, we think he will as he is an honourable & decent man, but we both hope he won’t, as the youngest son has hurt us more than anyone realises. My husbands health - he suffers from depression has been made 10 times worse over the years, & not once has he really apologised or offered to pay us back - even a small amount every month.

He is not in touch us, with his brother or other family members, we can only assume because he is ashamed & embarrassed .

Speaking from my experience, go with your gut feeling & do what is right for you.

Houndi. I am both deeply sorry that you have lost your lovely mother and I am truly happy for you that you had such a wonderful relationship with each other.

When you say you cannot understand when other mothers and daughters do not get on, do you mean, because of your wonderful relationship with your mother, you simply are unable to imagine why others do not get on ?
Or are you suggesting that to not get on with each other there must be something wrong with them? Because sometimes when we say "I can not understanding such and such having ......etc" we mean it in a critical way like saying "Why on earth not?"

I can easily understand why some mothers and daughters do not get on. From the not very bad small differences in personality to the terrible situations such as a cruel mother or a very selfish child. Some mothers struggle very hard with difficult children. Some children have terrible lives with dreadful parents. So I, sadly, can easily understand why some mothers and daughters do not get on.

Barleysugar. May I humbly suggest you say in your will that you are not leaving a portion to your youngest son as
he has already received from you both more than (if that is correct) his portion of your estate during your lifetimes. If you print this in the will it will be seen by all that the youngest has been fairly treated and your lovely elder son may see that his inheritance is duly and fairly his and his alone.

Dee1012. So sorry Dee. Your Father trusted her too much. My father too, was manipulated by a n unscrupulous woman all his life - my mother.

The only protection would have been for your father's will to have prevented her making this change. I do not know who owned what, but maybe (or maybe not!) he could have left the property to her for her lifetime only and then to you. However if it were jointly owned by them both I would need legal advice on how to prevent the surving spouse altering the will so that the property goes away from the direct descendent.

I do not want to derail the thread from the dilemma of wills and estranged sons.
However, as a side issue, if anyone can suggest any help because some people are saying they haven't made wills yet and it reminded me of a situation I know - cannot say how - but:
the father will not make a Will. Has 4 school children and a wife who does not go out to work. He "gets too upset" to make a will. So the wife does not try and persuade him. They have a mortgage (big probably). His father died suddenly in 50s with heart attack. Probably what upsets this father. But isn't he being too precious and not considering his wife and family if he were to die?
(Hope you don't mind my asking OP.)

For anyone without the support of family there is a strong chance that what you leave in your will, will go towards your care in later life (nursing home or carers).

But that apart, I would leave what you have, and no doubt worked hard for, to those that have made you happy in life and are in need of support ie loved ones who have loved you back, people and charities that are close to your heart (eg heart, cancer research, water aid, dogs homes etc, but not to those that spend unwisely, or to people with plenty of money of their own. Include a note that you have chosen not to leave money to anyone who has not been part of your life, including family, in case they contest it,and if you are looking at more than a few thousand (after funeral costs), use a solicitor.

Tillybelle, you are right, I still can't believe that in this day and age there are people who feel that making a will is somehow tempting fate.....bringing on the grim reaper. Its not the middleages!

When I was in banking many decades ago...the advice was anyone with a mortgage should make a will.

...and reassess it on any changes such as births, marriages or deaths and make sure any executors are in the next generation to come...i.e. a good deal younger.

I’d leave him out of the will. His behaviour is beyond belief. I’ve had to do this with my oldest son. When you’ve loved and cared for your children all their life and they walk away for what ever reason, they’ve lost the right to their inheritance. I’ll
Always love my son, that will never change, but he’s absolutely broke my heart.

I think there is no right or wrong.

People leave their estates to people they never met or to pets or in crazy trusts so whatever sits right with OP is the right thing to do.

My personal take is, I wont be alive
when my will is executed anyway, I want good things for my kids regardless of their imput back IYKWIM. Our relationship is somewhat separate. I want them to be secure with or without me. So I would still leave to all kids but thats not "right" its just how I feel

Jennyluck

My feelings exactly . You have summed it perfectly.

*I can not understand Mothers and daughters or daughters and mothers having nothing to do with each other
My mum was my best friend and miss her every minute of the day*

Can you not see that what you miss is that person, and that relationship

The relationship you had with your mother is not on offer from other mothers, that was just who she was, not the simple fact that she spawned you