Do I leave one son out of my will.

Don't know what I would do. At least, good for you for not 'blackmailing' him with it- as I know some people have done with their son or daughter.

Thinking about it, you are lucky in the UK that you have the choice. In most countries I know, one cannot cut out a child from one's will.

Have two sons and originally left a 50/50 arrangement in will. Circumstances changed when oldest son anti us though everybody said he was being ridiculous so decided to change will as he was having virtually no contact with us. The solicitor warned us he could contest will. So left it 60/40 with other son executer. He said this would preclude it being contested as the expense would make it not worth the effort. Hope this helps. He also said leave a letter to explain reasons.

Our older son has not spoken to us for 9 years, did not tell us of the birth of histwo younger sons, ignored our invitation to his brother's wedding and ignored his brother's attempts to reconcile on several occasions. We have decided to cut him from our will.
In contrast , our younger son and DiL have made sure we have regular contact with our grandson 2-3 times a week and we can call on them at any time for help with household tasks. They ask for ,and listen to, advice which makes us feel involved in their lives.
Our younger son will inherit everything and , as he is also our executor, he can decide if he wants to have a deed of variation when the time comes. I trust him completely.

Oh what a horrendous time you have had.
The main thing is, as far as I am concerned that it is your will, not your husbands. The estranged son may well have been aware of his father's death, but there may be reasons that he didn't attend the funeral etc. Pride is a difficult thing to be lumbered with!
Is there an item that meant something to your son? It might not have much monetary value, but could be left to him, along with a letter explaining how hurt and distressed that you and DH have been by his actions.
The nephew should definitely be left something whether it money or a personal item (s) as a thank you

I think that in your situation I would give some consideration to my late husband's wishes. If there are grandchildren then leaving his share to them would be fair but otherwise, unless you are very rich and might want to give some to him regardless, I would give to the son that kept in contact and has continued to be family and a gift to the supportive nephew and then try to put it out of your mind.
I don't keep in touch with my father and I told my mother that I hoped he didn't leave me anything because I don't want feelings stirred up again. She got really upset because she got shafted in the divorce but took some comfort from the fact that my sister and I would receive some of the money that she should have got so I promised her that I would accept it.
I think that it goes with the territory frankly. People are free to decide that they don't want their parents or other family members in their lives but they have to accept that they can't then expect to be included in their will. He may well not expect anything but if he does he is being hypocritical.

Like Niobe younger son and wife are reliable and helpful. Thank God for that.

I can not understand Mothers and daughters or daughters and mothers having nothing to do with each other
My mum was my best friend and miss her every minute of the day

A lot depends on where you are in the UK. In Scotland, for instance: “People disinherit family and loved ones for many different reasons. Thankfully, the law in Scotland allows for some changes to be made to Wills where close family members are left out. Certain close family members (the children and spouse or civil partner of the deceased) have a legal right to a portion of the “moveable estate” – which is any property in the estate apart from land or buildings.…”
......“Disinherited children have a claim to a portion of their parent's estate – the entitlement is dependent on how many siblings there are. Each child is entitled to an equal share of one-third of the moveable property of the estate. This is the case whether the child is legitimate, illegitimate or formally adopted. Formally adopted children do not have any right to their natural parent’s estates.”
www.davidcclapham.co.uk/what-happens-if-you-are-left-out-of-a-will-in-scotland.html

Have you looked into a discretionary trust? I am in the process of setting one up as part of my will. I am not estranged from any of my three children but my eldest son, currently living in the US, has always spent caused me a lot of concern with his lifestyle choices and his marriage is in trouble due to financial problems. So in my will, my assets will be split equally and put in the trust. My other children are the executors and can takes their full share if they wish or just have an income from the trust. They then decide how my other son receives his inheritance based on a letter of intent that I have written and depending on his circumstances at that time. It might be better to hold all his inheritance back ( if he is bankrupt or is going through a divorce in the US) or give him an income from his share or some combination.

I am trying to avoid my money going to the US government or directly to his ex wife or any new wife as I want his children looked after. His current wife is worse at handling money than he is!

I trust my other children implicitly and know that they will do their best to carry out my wishes. However, if they don't want the responsibility, they could just split the money equally and not bother with the trust - I won't know about that of course but I will have some my best! Their god parents ( both solicitors) have agreed to advise them and I will be discussing the trust and my reasons for it with my eldest son so it won't be a shock to him. I am pretty sure he will be fine with my decision.

Hopefully I will live a long time and not leave much money but who knows!

Maybe he missed his father's funeral because he couldn't face all the family together. Can his brother act as intermediary?

Houndi

You are most fortunate

Haven’t spoken to my mother for 20 years, never got on with her, or liked her

But I am very envious of your lovely relationship

Agree with other posts thst first try to contact your son thro family but if hes not interested then leave something to his offspring only.

Perhaps leave a letter explaining that by not making him an equal beneficiary in your will you are acknowledging his decision to have nothing to do with you and your late husband as parents, but that as a final gesture of goodwill you are leaving him a small bequest.

After my mother's death, my dad remarried...I always had a good relationship with my stepmother and was very, very fond of her.
They told me they had drawn up wills so that in the event of their death, the other would inherit but there would be certain bequests to myself and to a few members of her family(she had no children, just a few nieces who were distant - both in terms of distance and the actual relationship).
Sadly my Dad died first and she died 8 years later but on her death, I discovered that she'd changed her will.
Under the new will, two of her nieces shared the "estate" with me.
Now it wasn't a great deal of money but I was so hurt and angry. I appreciate it was her choice to do this but it went against what my Dad wanted and two people who never bothered with either of them took belongings that had been in my family for a long, long time and had enormous sentimental value.
Both nieces had comfortable lives...I didn't etc etc
What was little to them, would have been life changing for me and the pain remains.
It's your will and your decision but please be upfront about it and explain or leave a letter saying why.
For me, not knowing why was difficult.

He could receive a token gesture if you wanted, you can add a cover note explaining your actions.
It is very difficult for all those left behind when there is no will and, usually, the winners are the tax man and not necessarily those we would like to benefit. My DDad told me I should have a will to make sure those I don’t want to get anything don’t get anything!

Why not leave just a small token amount to your estranged son as has been suggested, and explain in the will why you are leaving x amount to whoever, ex: £000 to so and so who was so supportive and helpful etc etc,
I had an aunt that cut out her eldest son who had lived in South Africa all his married life and used to come back to visit boasting about how much they have, however her youngest son and his wife, who didn't have very much, did everything for her until the day she died. Needless to say eldest son was livid as he was counting on the money to send his children to university!!!

I like the idea of leaving a letter at least, or maybe a memento if there is anything you & your estranged son both liked or have a shared precious memory of. It's good that you plan to write your supportive nephew into your will as it's always nice to see things go to people who genuinely cared for the person who has died, as such. As my family is somewhat fractured it is hard to advise what to do about your estranged son, but I would consider not leaving him much if he doesn't care that you have had heart surgery whilst grieving and he couldn't be arsed to attend the funeral of his father or offer some moral support and/or practical help at what must've been a very difficult time for you.

I have a will, but am about to re-write it. My daughter cut all contact some years ago, and while I don't have anything of value to leave I just want to be clear if I come into any money, win anything of value, or any of my 'personal library' of books turn out to be worth a bomb that my long-term partner of 30 odd years would benefit. My mother remarried and she and her husband told me some years ago that their house(s), investments and money would be shared between my sister and my brother (their son, who I believe will inherit the bulk of it with my sister getting the rest) and that they had written me out of their will (that I didn't know I was ever in in the first place but hey ho!) I may write letters for my daughter, any grandchildren I may have, my (long-divorced) parents and my partner - good way to show feelings etc.

That said I am looking into starting to sell some of my possessions to put some money aside for my funeral. I don't want my partner to be stuck with costs on top of grief!

I hope you can decide what to do and live with your decision(s) - I also hope your nephew, and hopefully other friends or family continue to support you. Best wishes

I believe that all our children should be treated equally in our wills, no matter what they have done. We love them, and that's what matters. To treat them differently is to judge (and who are any of us to judge) and it leaves a legacy of unhappiness. Including them is letting them know that we love them, we always have and always will, whether they hurt us or not.

I Know exactly what you mean as i also have been there. You don't own your children anything, having given of yourself totally over the years. In my case i worked 2 full time jobs for 23 years providing my son with a private education and a deposit for a house - and then i was totally forgotten about. I could have opt for a freebie council property instead of buying and paying of a house which he could have inherited. A damn hard worker & provider all on my own as my husband left us when i was 4 mths pregnant having courted me for 7 years. My son has not bothered to find his father - so its not that, he has simply forgotten about me. Well i have left everything to Macmillan Nurses. Best wishes x

As has been said above, there are two sides to any estrangement. I would say he is still your son and you are the only mother he will ever have. He will be sad at your passing. Maybe leave him a reasonable token amount and a note to the effect he was always your son. All this after you have made an effort to contact him.

When the relationship has been poor the child will grieve more than if it had been good as there is now no possibility of things ever being put right.

My eldest son cut contact with us 10 years ago, I don't even know where he's living now. He is from my marriage, long since divorced, but was raised mainly by my partner.
In our original wills he was included 50/50 but we rewrote them last year and left him out.
Everything in my will goes firstly to my partner, or if he's toddled off before me it goes to my younger son. Partners will leaves to me firstly or younger son if I'm dead. Eldest probably won't even know we have died as he has no contact with any of the family.

My mother is in a home now and despite having left money in her will, there is unlikely to be anything left due to care costs.
So you must take this into account!
My brother was estranged from my parents yet there was still money bequeathed to him, it was a 50/50?split, this was very hurtful for me as I was the one that did everything and was never appreciated.
Sadly my brother has since died but it still rankles with me that he caused so much pain and grief yet my mother still felt he should inherit the same as me.

I would not leave him out. Maybe he is going through a painful time and just can't be present for you. He is still your son.

I have faced a similar question. Most of my children deny my existence. They have removed me from the family and I have removed them from my will.

If you leave your son out of your will completely he could challenge it - I would leave him a token amount and if he had children leave something to your GC.