Rules - Mumsnet & Gransnet discrepancies

Iam64

Galaxy, maybe we could be democratic. Everyone gets a turn at being edit button monitor

?
There may not be much left on some threads.

It is rather difficult to make an apology for my misunderstanding of your original post, rachifagran, as it appears to have been deleted.

I apologise for misspelling your name, rachifagran.

I don't mind that you misspelt mine
Posters often do.

I should have stayed in. I posted at 11.11am and now catching up with how the thread is going. Deleted posts? Hope all posters on this thread are still out there.

Suziewoozie's previous suggestion is good: maybe discuss how we could all contribute towards following the spirit of the guidelines more? However, I did email and have had a reply from GNHQ but am now more confused about the guidelines and what/why something has happened to others. Easy done at the moment though.

NellG's reply to you SW is so apt. I think it's about remembering that it's another human being on the end of the comment and that most people actually mean well even when they don't always do well.

A few weeks ago I got jumped on. I apologised but it was like water off a duck's back.

Sooooo, that went well

It’s a joke, please don’t lynch me, put the pitchforks down ,,,

Oh dear, apologies, I did it again which was not intentional!
rafichagran

Suziewoozie's previous suggestion is good: maybe discuss how we could all contribute towards following the spirit of the guidelines more?
Yes, it is, but are the guidelines clear enough?

I don’t think people always do mean well sadly - that’s part of the problem . That’s what’ we need to address - defensiveness and denial just ramp up the temperature. We’re like warring tribes sometimes. And the more at war we are, the worse it gets. Last week I used a BBC news report that was out of date and so provided out of date information. This was pointed out to me and I apologised and posted an updated link. I’m not saying I’m a paragon of virtue ( that would be silly) but how I behaved over that was a good example. I didn’t get defensive and didn’t try to justify my wrong position ( although of course it was all the BBCs fault?)

suziewoozie

Thanks for replying Nell. I think the situation you described is not acceptable - typos, spelling mistakes etc.However on threads were ‘facts’ are put forward often triumphantly to prove a point and are completely wrong, I just want to shriek where do you get your information from and why didn’t you just check it? The trouble is we believe ‘facts’ we want to be true and likewise with gossip and rumour

I understand. I think that kind of thing - backing posts up with facts - comes fairly easily to those with an academic background, or who have had jobs where fact checking and evidence were the order of the day. But.. some didn't, or have retired and don't want to, or just don't see the necessity because for them it's a chat site - they're just chewing the cud and passing the time of day. They may truly believe what they post despite how factually bereft it might be. If it's fake news, legally identifiable defamation or hate speech then tackle it - but perhaps more gently? Like, "it worries me that you think that, because ..." in that way people are less likely to get on the defensive. It's not my place to lecture, and I don't want to come across like I am and I'm only saying this because you asked - but a little less hostility perhaps? Try "What leads you believe that's true" rather than coming in guns blazing. Sometimes it's like being interrogated - imagine being sat in a coffee shop talking tripe and all of a sudden some woman swoops in and starts demanding you list accurate sources for everything you've said and wont let up. It's a bit jarring. Also, unless it's dangerous 'lies' sometimes it's best to just let it go - Peglegan from Tintagel probably isn't a threat to national security despite how much shite he/she might spout. ( apologies if there really is a Peglegan on here!) Anyway, I hope you get where I'm coming from and know that it's said in good part and good humour.

I enjoy GN. I think, over time, one gets a feeling about certain posters. Some are abrasive, some are good at sharing information, some I think goad on purpose.

All we, as individuals can do, is check our own posts. Read through them if feeling annoyed. Moderate them if necessary before pressing ‘post message’.

I’m sure I’m not the only one on here who, in the heat of an exchange, has started to vent .... then thought better of it and deleted the words!

Urm I tick all three boxes in your first paragraph from time to time ?

The backing up posts with facts thing.... I have a scientific background and I have to say that my first reaction to an outlandish claim is that its probably outlandish and why would someone even say that? Google is right there and if I don't know for a fact that something is off, then I have a quick check.

So the first time I spot a made up or exaggerated fact, I give my view point and maybe a link to show why I think that way. If the made up fact gets posted again, by the same poster, I remind them that we've had this conversation before Third time, all bets are off and I have to think they are just ignoring the truth...

suziewoozie

I sometimes really wish I could start all over again on GN

Aw that’s sad. sw you are indeed a formidable intellectual to present my opinion to. On occasions you’ve skewered me! But because I’m a bear of very little brain (by comparison) I don’t give up easily!
??

I still think posters should be more responsible when posting ‘facts’ especially on threads were the temperature is rising, divisions are deep and tempers frayed. Are you sure you’re not infantalising posters a tad ?

That post was to Nell

Fair enough indeed Alegrias.
Good point well made.

Perhaps we could all have a virtual group hug now? ?

Seriously, Fanny thank you for this thread. I think it’s helped clear some misconceptions and has gone some way to mend bridges.

Play the ball and not the man.

Also, a reminder that once alcohol has been taken .... step away from the keyboard!

????

Urm I’m often a nasty short tempered so and so - I know that. My only saving grace ( and it’s not enough) is that I’m someone who almost always posts reliable facts and is good at posting reliable links and sources.

I asked for the thread to be deleted, It was not jings I was talking about and I liked her. I knew her 1st name and she was kind to me.
I probably reacted a bit strongly because of it. Let's leave it. Mistakes happen. I thought it was Lucca as her name appeared so apologies to her.
If this was a RL conversation it probably would have been put right in second as I would have said no not her and explained why I liked her.

Thanks for that Algerias I think to be fair to myself, sometimes the same ‘fact’ has been corrected and it’s trotted out yet again like a rabbit being produced out of a hat. I don’t think the onus should be one sided about posting a fact though - some posters could try harder to check before they post and others could try to be nicer about posting corrections

We ALL bring something to the table sw. ?

Actually NellG I do agree with you in part there. When I’m sat around a table gossiping with my friends the comments are free and easy. Body language plays a part and that helps. It’s easy on here to be misunderstood and one has to be more aware.

And some sw could just try to read the bluddy thread first before posting! Grr.

Well I'm having a glass of wine. Anybody want to join me?

Re alcohol and the keyboard - I remember a very much the worse for wear Kirstie Allsopp on Twitter one late evening. Next morning she’d deleted everything?

Off to watch the Terror now - this has been a bit cathartic.

But, but Alegrias with the best will in the world, once you've said it twice chances are that person isn't going to suddenly capitulate on round three. I like posting with you, I feel like I've learned your style and I now know if I engage I will be expected to provide evidence and what I do say will be taken down etc etc haha. Mostly it's fine - and you know I will take on board what's said and if wrong admit it. However, most people just don't communicate like that and they feel like they are being lectured - and as we're all adults that's uncomfortable for many. I don't want to offend you or anybody else but sometimes the lecturing feels like it's coming from the moral high ground's head mistresses and yes, grown women are going to take umbrage at that. There appear to be self appointed moderators on here who police tone as well as content - and the reality is they don't have the right to do either, if they choose to a bit of good grace goes down well. Again, I'm saying this with good humour.