To be very annoyed at this ungrateful child?

I am more inclined to blame parents who think this is an acceptable way for their 4yr old to behave.

This little boy is the one who is taking the brunt of his parents lack of bothering to teach him good manners with the result he is the one shouldering negativity and name calling when it is absolutely not his fault.

The GM may well have been told not to interfere with any reprimanding. Many GPs know all too well the outcome of ‘interfering’

I’d point out to her how he needs some manners (in a supportive/non judge-y) manner and would actively correct him yourself when he is rude. It’s down to all adults to help raise children, not take a blind eye.

If this doesn’t help then I’d stop seeing them. You will make other friends with nicer grandchildren. He will be a bad influence on your lovely Gs else xx

I would have said 'give it back then' a very rude child indeed, you could be doing him a favour taking a firm line.

Who cares if he has problems, he will have even more if he isn't taught some manners.

You should've said : no problem, we'll take your present back home because DGS likes it a lot. Bye bye now.
I know I would've said that, and then really going, after giving my friend a big hug and whispering in her ear "I'll call you this evening".
Of course intervening in the education of other people's child isn't your right, but you have the right to protect the feelings of your 4 your old DGS.

The gift would’ve been taken back off him pretty smartish. How rude

Nothing wrong with the child. He simply hasn't been taught any manners. You make it sound as if he should know better. You only get to that stage if you've been brought up having manners taught in the first place. Please do not demonise the child - help him.

Don’t think the OP can help a child when she only sees him, briefly, part of one day per week. She either puts up with it, or mentions it to the other GP and see how that is taken, if it’s ignored then she should stay away and see the lady on days that the GCs aren’t around. They seem to get on well apart from this .

I had a similar problem years ago with a friend of my two daughters. She lived with her grandma, who brought her up from being a toddler. She was consistently rude and aggressive towards her grandma and I just snapped on day and told her she was being an ungrateful little brat and to have more respect for her grandma who didn’t deserve such treatment (amongst other things). It worked and the grandma, who was a good friend, thanked me for my intervention

I would have said: that wasn't a kind thing to say to ......., perhaps you would like to say sorry now.

Boundaries, where are they it is a cop out, a let down if they are not shown and reinforced. There is a rule of thumb - tyrant at three sociopath at thirty. Sorry but your grandson does not have to tolerate the others bad behaviour. Shame about your loss if friendship. Neither do you have to witness entitlement and aggression.

Just be grateful it isn’t your problem to deal with. If your grandson was upset then explain to him later that some children find it harder to be polite than others & praise him for his good manners. My youngest was a shocker in terms of no filter to what he said at that age. He could also be really quite badly behaved when overwhelmed. He’s 13 now and at his parents evening this week I was told he is incredibly polite and very respectful in how he communicates. All the teachers told me how polite he is - every single one. You would not have guessed that when he was 4.

My eldest who is 18 just drops presents he isn’t interested in (if you can get him to even open them). He is autistic - severely & non-verbal - good luck teaching him manners. On the other hand if he likes something he will show such joy and an intense reaction to the gift. Some of my friends kids are the same. I love the genuineness of the response - especially when I get a gift ‘right’. I don’t have much of an ego if I get it wrong (& would explain to any child that might be hurt by the response that he doesn’t really understand about presents and will probably have a good look at it later then make a fuss myself over the gift, so the giver isn’t upset).

What a brat. A child is never too young to be taught to say 'thank you.' Whether you consider it to be your job or not, this kid needs to be told so don't back off. Laughing it off will only reinforce this behaviour. If he carries on like this he'll have no friends at all - I expect his parents will be bewildered as to why. They must accept some of the blame if he becomes an obnoxious adult.

The child simply has never been taught any manners. I bet his parents have never made him say ‘thankyou’ for any gifts he’s ever had and he thinks it’s ok to act like this. He also thinks it’s ok to shout and treat his grandmother like his slave. If he’s like this at 4,what will he be like at 14? At 24? His parents should be very worried, but sadly I bet they don’t even notice.
I’d stay away and like some others have said, perhaps see her without the children. If I had to see him again, I’d secretly be loathing every minute.

I would have taken the gift back again too. I would have told the child that my gs had chosen the gift especially for him because he thought his friend would like it and as he so plainly didn't there would never be any more gifts.
With regard to the continued friendship it would depend on how well behaved the boy was on other occasions. If he is normally okay it may well be that there was another trigger for this rudeness.

What a nasty little brat. The granny should be telling him off. I look after my son's GF boy (my son is the stepfather so we aren't related) twice a week, and he's actually very well-behaved, but on the odd occasion when he's been a bit rude or naughty, I tell him off and I tell the mother later

It's tricky isn't it when you are grandparents, not parents. But, I do think that when grandparents are in charge they have an obligation to guide their charges. So in this case his Grandma should have said something and maybe your role can be to encourage and support her to do so? Little ones do respond, even if there are slightly different approaches between parents and grandparents, they do understand what 'good behaviour' is and should be! Also gives you a good opportunity to tell your grandson how well he behaves, and he'll like that praise from you!

I haD this thing with my friend when her son became an intolerable brat when a toddler and she did nothing about it. In fact it seemed her unconditional approval of his every action just condoned it. Is it a form of passive aggressiveness? Do they think it is amusing that these children dare to be rude because they would like to and dare not? Or is it just that their ego is so entrenched that they believe anyone of their womb even once removed is very special and right?
I don’t know. In the end it did impact on our relationship...in fact she is an ex friend. It’s knowing when the line has been drawn and even then it is difficult because I just don’t understand such mothers or in your case grandmothers.

His parents may have no idea he behaves this way with his Nan.
Perhaps she feels a bit out of her depth with disciplining him.

I have a grandson who is very trying to say the least and it’s got to the point where my son and I are hardly speaking because I do tell my grandson sometimes I think his behaviour is wrong. Unfortunately todays parents won’t accept you disciplining their children even when you are looking after them or they are in your home. My grandson will tell tales to his parents and I have been sworn at and shouted at by my son. So perhaps the grandma dare not say anything in case it upsets their parents. My DH can’t stand them visiting and will disappear to another room to get away. We love our son so much and I don’t blame the kids. But it’s difficult.

I am sorry but I would have said something to the birthday boy, after he is four and will be or might even be at school..
I would also speak to the grandmother about his behaviour after all you don’t want your gd to follow suit.

Not just rude but very unkind, which is worse, to his friend.

Frankly, I would stop seeing this child and his grandmother if I were you.

I would do so because I would be afraid that the very different way he is allowed to behave would influence your GS at some point.

There is little you can do to teach someone else's grandchild good manners, but that does not mean you have to put up with his lack of them.

If you want to go on seeing this other grandmother and her grandchild, I think you will have to mention that your grandchildren er being brought up very differently and that you wonder whether these different standards might not become a problem, as your GS has already been hurt by the other child's reception of his present.

I have a problem a bit like this. My daughter is quite firm with dgs, as I was with her so no probs there. I look after him 3 days a week and we go to a children’s centre for cooking soft play etc. Another child is there with his gran , same age 2 1/2, and this child pushes and smacks others constantly, but particularly my dgs. This gran who is pleasant but ineffective in dealing with her gs doesn’t tell him off , or remove him , she just says “oh what are boys like! “ My dgs quite confused as on the very rare occasion he has hurt someone it had consequences. Getting to the point where I will either say something to her or the centres leader. Difficult dealing with others idea of child rearing , but I suppose our dgch learn that everyone’s different.

Autism is so often used as as excuse, or ADHD for that matter. ( I have some knowledge here - was a special needs teacher in a special school). This child needs boundaries regardless of any issues. He needs support to discover and address his issues, but so do the adults in his life. Talk with professionals - health people and educators are a good starting point. It can be done confidentially.

I really dislike these comments that say ‘what a brat’ ‘horrid child’ etc None of us have a blooming clue only a tiny little snapshot of one persons experience We know nothing he could be feeling unwell, have autism or similar, ADHD, he may have a poor or difficult upbringing, or he may have been angry and upset for a million reasons or it could be that his family have not taught him how to react
I don’t see any problem with saying something in a kindly fashion to the person in charge but to label a 4 year old isn’t on in my opinion
Often in a young child anger is the spin off from sadness anxiety and fear Fear manifests itself as aggression in small and often not so small kids even adults who haven’t learned to deal with their fears and when people think they are awful children it’s the flight or fight syndrome totally out of their control so before judging I d perhaps gently find out a bit more about him