moving on after bereavement

elegran sending you a {{{hug}}}

Elegran and all the bereaved grans on here I hope you will continue to find support on gransnet

I certainly do! I have found so much laughter, humour, fun, companionship on here, I can't believe it!
I bless the day dd suggested I looked at it!

glass, that was a vibrating hug! Lovely!

I agree that the support offered and given on GN is wonderful, and after bereavement must be a welcome port of call during the difficult times.

My husband died twenty months ago. He was older than me and had a cancer and because he was in hospital for five weeks before he died I suppose that to some extent I was prepared. But a day doesnt go by when he isnt very much present in my thoughts. I have an agreeable life. My friends and family are great. Every day I live without him I will think about him but I know that he wanted me to have a life without him that wasnt all tears. I was 25 when we met and 63 when he died so I suppose I have become someone coloured by our joint life together and I feel his presence in most things I do.

We too had our ups and downs. But oh it felt so good making up again.

GN is a wonderful support as you will find out and I send you friendship and I hope strength.

Elegran I have only just recently popped back into gransnet and only just seen your post..... take care

Bluebadge how about linedance classes! you don't need a partner, a wide range of ages attend (mainly women I have found , doesn't seem to be too many men go) and don't believe anyone!! that tells you! you need a lasso and a cowboy hat!! you go and slap them thighs girl!!

ladybird as yet I have not been in your situation, but just saying "hello" and welcome to gransnet

flowerfriend I can sympathise with you,my hubby is 20yrs older than me (he is now 77 and I will be 57 this year) it seems he has been ill for ever, and is not in good health now.although he does try, good days. bad days..... as others have said ...take each day just as it comes...

flowerfriend -I was touched by your post. x

Sorry to hear you news elegran. You are in my thoughts.
It is good to know that other grans out there have found ways to move on - but these early days must be so hard.

elegran. Maybe I don't mention much on GN, but I have been thinking of you.
Take care of yourself in times to come. x

Sending hugs & to all of you who have lost a loved partner. Hoping that there is sunshine after the rain for you all x

nanaej I agree with your lovely post.

My wise old Dad said that when you are having tough times, take it a day at a time and if that is too hard take it an hour at a time. It's helped me over some troubles and I hope it may help some of the sad GNs posting on here.

I don't do any one thing for too long. There are lots of things to cancel, change names on and so on, clothes to sort out, and all the rest. Plus the house is a tip because we had to make room for a hospital bed downstairs, and we already had most of the moveable contents of our little cottage in the Borders parked in various rooms, when it was sold in November, to be "sorted out later". Not to mention the garden (please don't mention the garden)

Each day I do a little of each thing, speak to family and/or friends, and read the posts on here, and I am joining things and planning outings. The house is gradually becoming more civilised, but there is enough to keep me out of mischief for a while. Then I can restart some of the craft work that has been neglected for a long time. I might start on that a bit earlier than I should, as it is good to do something creative.

Been peeking at these posts from the sidelines with one eye shut! Elegran I have a house full of stuff from the cottage we sold a couple of years ago which needs to be 're-located', a garden which is running away from me (no wonder as I have been away for 3 weeks) and umpteen 'paperwork' business things to contend with. I find I am ok when I am off and doing, but as soon as I think about it - or today, think about returning home at the weekend to an empty house with no J to greet me on the doorstep - then I go straight back to square 1 again; but I do perhaps think it is becoming a little easier and I try to fill my days, when I am home, with as much as I can although it can become exhausting if you don't say no occasionally. I still can't believe it has happened; maybe when we can face up to that, the way forward will be easier?

Just pick your moments Gally and do things that will take only a little effort. I have been looking at my crammed-full spare room for a while now, and then at weekend I was asked if I had anything for a charity car boot sale for the local dogs' home. I have taken five large bags of clutter and a couple of larger items this morning and feel so good about sorting them out, as I know they will bring quite a lot of money in for abandoned dogs, and I have a very tidy spare room.

That'll spur me on to doing some more clearing out - still got to weed the garden!

I am putting off going away because I don't want to come back to an empty house. First I want to get in some practice at living on my own, and get some structure back into my days.

As you say Gally it is OK while you are distracted by something to do or someone to talk to, but the spaces in between are treacherous.

Oh Elegran it will get better I'm sure xx

It does! I got dragged away by angel next door on the old QE2! I got hooked. So be careful what you do!

Elegran, these are such early days of grief for you. Hope you are being very kind and gentle with yourself.

Gally and Elegran thank you for sharing this with us. xxxxxxx

Gally and Elegran I know my bereavment was a different one to losing a beloved husband,but you eventually learn to live with your loss,my mum widowed at 52 consoled her best friend when her husband passed awy by saying life will carry on just differently,my own experience has shown me that you need to be kind to yourself,the first year full of anniversaries and birthdays etc are difficult eventually you can remember the person without the anger and pain and laugh at your happy memories we all pass through the same stages of grief what is different is the time it takes for each person there isnt a right or wrong way to grieve just your

own way doing what feels right for you one day at a time and a huge hug for you bothxxxxxxxx

after 48years marriage I lost my husband seven months ago suddenly from a massive heart attack.Not only do I have to deal with that but he left behind a terible financial mess. I am trying to cope with the loneliness and stress without much luck.

where do you live blackbird ?

I live in Alnwick northumberland it would be nice if there was some sort of widows club where we could meet perhaps have a coffee and chat