What is your advise for a long and happy Marriage

Hooverthedog - my mum used to do that!

I don't feel I have anything I can contribute to this particular thread without putting the mockers on it.

Yes I suppose I have, if you out it like that Ana

Or even put it like that Ana !

I met my wife in 1952: on holiday in Clacton, Butlins holiday camp.
Friends said that a holiday romance would never last, but we have been happily married 57 years last July.
We have been through a lot of problems with family and health wise. We still love each other as much as when we first met. We tell young people that marriage is like a business you have to work at it to make it succeed.
Tolerance is required, give and take on both sides.
Always make peace before going to bed after a row. At least one hug or cuddle a day, plus a kiss.
Don't take each other for granted, as can happen frequently.
And of course this important thing, say those "three little words" regularly!
Love is like a delicate machine, it needs attention and affection to oil the wheels!

We are all different, as has has been pointed out, so what I have written is really a generalisation.

It's worked for you all these years, gramps, so it must be good advice!

I often utter three little words to DH but I don't think they are the same ones you are thinking of gramps

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I can only speak for our very long and happy marriage where we have only ever had one current bank account between us and later added our children. It works for us. We all trust each other. Perhaps it is because in our marriage we recognise each others strengths and weaknesses and choose which responsibilities each will have. I am the accountant in the family and DH has no interest in the finances so simply signs where I tell him and leaves the rest to me. I do not suggest this would work for all, just that it has and does for us. We are fortunate to have trust.

We've been married 44 years this year. The three little words I most like to hear from my DH are 'you're not fat'. Or is that four words.....

OH and I together since 1966 and married in 1971. We are still friends, companions and lovers . Ups and downs are normal in any relationship but the ups need to outdo the downs! Both need to want it all to 'work' and neither should feel more important that the other.
We used to have one joint account but we evolved to having a joint plus our own. It does not cause us any problems or suggest we do not trust each other... means he can surprise me with pressies as spend does not show up on the bank statement!

Yes, nanaej 'trust' probably sums it up and I wonder if not competing might be important too? It would not be so easy to see why a marriage fails as we would only ever hear one side of it and I have yet to meet the innocent party in a divorce

Moved - it's much more complicated that a simple dichotomy of guilt and innocence

marriages or for that matter any long term relationships are complex. What would drive one couple apart does not upset another. Both partners need to feel equal in giving/taking, level of happiness etc etc. No easy route in a truly deep relationship!

Just celebrated our Ruby Wedding (40) last weekend.
We spent 24 hours at a delightful very small gastro pub with rooms, in a huge deer park. DH had arranged a huge tied bunch of stocks to be in the room on arrival. We had stocks in church at our Wedding.
A truly romantic and lovely way to celebrate 40 yrs. Tolerance, understanding and above all being friends as well as loving.
Hopefully a good example to our three offspring!

How lovely Maggie we too went away for our Ruby. Sorry no stocks.

Yes, bluebell I think we all know that relationships are complicated! The point I was making is that it is very rare to know all about someone else's failed relationship.

Long marriages aren't necessarily happy ones - some people just leave it too late to change direction.

Ah but Eloethan the OP said 'long and happy'.

Expanding on my comment about only hearing one side of a divorce. Its rather like when you hear how dreadful someone has behaved and it all sounds like they are terrible and then you sit back and wonder why they did that? Then you think about the person who told you and you wonder................... It always seems to me a shame to hear that people have taken sides in a divorce or any other not clear cut situation.

gramps has nothing more to say about Marriage than can be found in any Women's magazine. But it has worked for him.
I am happily married and we didn't have to work at it at all. It was aways easier to be with him than without him and we get on very well indeed. We think the same about most things which makes for harmony. We don't go in for daily kisses or daily cuddles or those three words.

If I had a husband always going on and saying 'love ya! and wanting a kiss everyday like cleaning teeth, it would have got on my nerves.

I thought Gramps post was very nice , men tend not put their thoughts into words .

We have been married for 42 and a half years now , and it seems to work well , in fact we could not have spent the last 5 weeks together harmoniously , as we have done for 20 times, if things where not good between us .

Agree nonu my darling husband does not talk much about his feelings he does tell me he loves me all time and has always called me treas short for treasure we are not plan sailing I am bossy I know and we argue but I could not imagine a world without him. We have been under enormous strain since losing his dad and our daughter in same year 4 years ago but somehow we still together and have pretty good life after 36 years.

It is a tremendous comfort to know someone loves you so much and is on your side!

Celebgran, that is a heartening post .

As OH slowly declines mentally it's still reassuring to have his physical presence around, especially at night, just knowing you're not alone. It will be 44 years for us soon.

I think at the core of any good marriage is being good friends, the one you instinctively turn to when things are bad, or funny.

DH and I are both enthusiastic house renovators and many years ago when we went through a long dark period and breakup seemed more likely than not we were reading the papers over breakfast and DH suddenly commented that there was an interesting house in the paper in need of renovation. I immediately suggested we go and look at it from the outside. The house was empty so we walked round the garden, looked in the windows and then retired to the pub to talk it over, and I suddenly realised we would see it through because, even when life seemed bleak both of us automatically turned to each other to enthusiastically share a common interest and talk as if we had along term future. We were at heart still good friends.

We have now been married 45 years and have done up another 2 houses since then and helped our children do the same. We still build renovated houses in the sky and our friendship still remains at the heart of our marriage.

I think love is the most important thing and if you are truly in love with the person it will carry you through.

We have been married 40 years next year. We do argue occasionally, usually his fault he has this habit of blowing his top generally over nothing, but when I crashed the car in France once he blamed himself as he wasn't well and should have been driving.