Daughter at her wits end!

@Nannan2 When I said Can’t wait to hug them, obviously I meant when we are allowed/free to be able to do so! WAIT being the operative word, We are sticking to the rules here!

Tillybelle
What has happened in our care homes is absolutely horrible, but to reassure you a little, my daughter and son in law are GPs, and GPs have been going into care homes to give palliative care, in our area at least. I cannot speak for other areas. My son in law did one shift where he visited nine different care homes. That’s why I get fed up of hearing people moaning about not hugging their grandchildren. I’d just like my grandchildren to still have two parents at the end of this. I’m sure that other grandparents who have adult children who are medics or NHS workers will understand this.
So if you’re missing your grandchildren, or your families are stressed by the lockdown, try thinking about the families who are not locked down, because they’re medics.

There has always been a caveat that if needs help, physically or mentally then you can help. I have been 200 miles from home to help my son during a very difficult time. We did not mix with anyone else, and I would do it again if needed.
If you are socially distances and not risking anyone else’s health go support your family. You will all feel much happier

Hi Sophiasnana, sounds like your daughter has got to the point that mine did, so her and her husband sat down and decided that they would take it in turns schooling the children. She can work from home so she does, Tuesday and Thursdays and stays upstairs working, and he works Monday, Wednesday and Friday upstairs. It has worked really well for them and the children are still keen to do schoolwork luckily. I think the change in tutor ie Dad instead of mum has worked. Maybe you daughter could try that.

He was self isolating elsewhere. Doing what he considered best for his child as many others have done. Media just love all this, anything to pry into some else’s life.
If your scared or worried stay home. But don’t judge other people for the actions they take for their families.

Maddyone, your daughter and her husband are brave, as are all people who are asked to take risks to help the community. My daughter is on maternity leave at the moment but very soon she and her partner will be both be working again with homeless people, including addicts, ex-prisoners and people with severe mental health issues. These are people with limited opportunities to maintain hygiene and health, and often little motivation to do so. I am very anxious about the risk of them picking up the virus at work, and it must be even worse when your children are doctors.

As for the issue of the virus being like the flu, surely the point is that this virus is completely new. Seasonal flu is bad enough, that's true, but it has been around for a long time. Many people die but we do have effective anti-viral treatments for it. We also have vaccines for different strains. Scientists have some understanding of it. With COVID-19, it's a much steeper learning curve. For a start, it seemed to be a disease that attacked the lungs, till people started dying of heart attacks, strokes, kidney failure... It seems to be easier to transmit than flu and seems to have a higher mortality rate. The thing is, we are entirely defenceless against it. We are like the Native Americans, dying in their millions of diseases like measles and chickenpox, which they had never encountered before.

My other daughter, trying to explain the virus to her dad, said "Imagine that 2 animal viruses got together and had a baby virus that was a perfect machine for killing humans." She also said, before the lockdown, "The time to start panicking is when the scientists are frightened - and they're frightened now."

@bluecat
Is it’s better to be old and lonely at home for months and then die, without your family.
This is a terrible time. Covid will not go away. It will become like flu, returning year on year and attacking the most vulnerable. There maybe a breakthrough on a vaccine, that’s not guaranteed. The number of deaths of 30,000 + are not all from confirmed Covid patients, some are not even tested. There are some good scientific facts available, not generally on the news channels, in the daily papers and definitely not Piers Morgan

If the daughter's mental health is so fragile surely she will fall apart completely if her family pass on the virus to her parents and they are seriously ill or even die?

Sounds as if her OH needs a kick up the b*m. They are his children too and his first responsibility is to his family. If this is his attitude he can barely know his own children, which is possibly why they are struggling so much and the problem is far more than just recent events.

Kamiso, thanks for your very personal opinion of my daughter and her family. You know nothing of her situation at all. I was merely making a comment in my first post about how hard it is for parents and children stuck at home all day. Most others have agreed with me. Too much vitriol and nastiness on this website now!

this new phrase "the new normal". I find myself screaming inside when I hear it. I think it's one of the most manipulative phrases I have heard. That, plus the way we are addressed as though we are all 5 years old...
I completely agree Tillybelle, there are days when all this feels like a huge social experiment to me. This is definitely not any type of normal. Not sure where you are situated though Tillybelle - our local care homes are using PPE, and it is often the stated wish of residents themselves not to go to hospital. Sadly by the time a care home is required, statistics show residents are often very near the end of life. Illnesses of all sorts attack the weak and infirm, particularly in such a large family group as a care home.
I'm not sure of the rules in Scotland Sophiasnana but I think all the differences in opinion mainly relate to how everyone interprets the 'rules' in relation to their own situation, when they can never be one size fits all. I believe though that throughout the lockdown it has always been allowed that people can break lockdown to provide emergency care. You feel your daughter and DGC require care, if they agree with you being there, you can visit. I don't see why people need to make political points about that. Ten mins with our AC, even at the end of the path, when they deliver our shopping makes my week!

Justwokeup, your phrase ‘there can never be ‘one size fits all’ is so true. I am just surprised and upset at how judgemental some people on this forum can be about someone elses situation. Nice to hear a balanced view for a change!

Really? Surprised is not the word I’d use here, how can anyone be that stupid to abandon all caution to the wind to hug their DC and DGC? I’m not against sitting at the appropriate distance in a garden for an hour, taking your own drink and not using the loo BUT it seems as most on here have lost all sense of perspective which shows how selfish they are. If they don’t care if they catch it/pass on to family members others do. I am completely gobsmacked at the sheer ignorance ?

Sorry, tried to make a sensible comment but am so incensed that sil thinks he can lock himself away like that I can't articulate.

I’m astonished that so many parents are struggling to look after their own children. It really shouldn’t be that hard!

If you have food, your health and a safe home, it really shouldn’t be such a hardship.

Mimismo. He is not ‘locking himself away’ !! He has a high powered stressful job that he is trying to hang on to. He Normally spends lots of time with his kids.. dont be incensed, you know nothing about their situation.
And blue25, these are hardly normal times! Its not like they can stroll along to play at the park, see their friends etc.
You are obv a grandparent, and have never been in this situation as a mother!

Sophiasnana

My DH and I have very high stress demanding jobs and 2 daycare aged kids we take care of while working from home.

My family is not the exception, we are the rule.

It can be done. Not easy but we chose to make it work.

Your daughter and son in law need to coparent. He needs to man up and stop hiding in the bedroom.

Can we try to be kind to each other and not personally attack each other please? We are all entitled to our own opinions and I thought thats what this forum was for. It seems not.

Sophiasnana I am sorry your D is struggling in these exceptional circumstances. TBH I have been amazed at the fortitude and patience and indeed resourcefulness of the many young parents presented with no alternative.
It is very hard to be parent and teacher rolled into one - good cop/bad cop and from my own experience when they were younger I remember how our children could be unspeakable monsters at home yet get glowing reports at school
My eldest D is in a similar position I think to yours - 3 children, 10, 8 and 5 and a husband with a high powered job who, when he is working from home is definitely working
That is not to say my other SILs are “not” working but they are able to be more flexible and split the day with my daughters. Added to that eldest D also has to go into school on a rota basis (probably a welcome rest!) as she is a secondary maths teacher. To cover these days SIL has taken 2 weeks unpaid leave spread over the period of lockdown , a day at a time . (Dare I suggest it also gives him an idea of the daily slog? )
So it’s Joe Wicks first thing, 2 hours school work, a break and snack then another hour or 90 minutes, then lunch then outdoor activities. TG for the recent weather and their big garden.
What is working well is the support from the various WhatsApp groups these women belong to. Children can have Zoom conversations or play dates or quizzes etc.
I have also been impressed by how enterprising they all are whether it’s Zoom yoga, “Gin by the bins” out front on a Friday evening, or street disco on Sunday morning or socially distanced coffee mornings, it has all helped the mums feel less isolated and keep their sanity.
I do hope your D gets that sort of support from her friends too, frankly living on my own, I wish I did!
As mums our instinct is to parachute in and help out but do you know what? The sad thing for me is that while I am sure I would be welcome (but way too far away) they are actually coping well, they are all grown up women and despite the financial worries lockdown brings my younger daughters, (one in the theatre with no work at all this side of 2021 and the other who is caught between maternity leave and a not yet starting a new job and so ineligible for furlough,) they have never really let on how hard it is.
I take my hat off to them!

May I just add that at 4, children cannot be as self-starting as those already in school and the older children look at their younger siblings “playing” and not unreasonably object to having to do schoolwork. It is very very difficult to split yourself two or even three ways which is why school children are not in primary classes encompassing this age range!
Perhaps they should give up on trying too hard Sophiasnana - is homeschooling worth spoiling a good relationship between parents and children?
There are “educational “ (More or less) activities children can undertake around the home and garden which are no less valuable than fronted adverbials!

Ignorance indeed, cupcake1. Some people will make endless excuses to do exactly what they like - until reality finally hits them.

Those ignoring the rules are just like drunk drivers speeding around - endangering their own lives - but also the lives of others. It's socially unacceptable and an insult to those of us (the majority) taking great care.

Sophiasnana, you miss the point being 'surprised and upset at how judgemental some people on this forum can be about someone elses situation'.

It's not just someone else's situation, though, is it? It's risking illness and death for all the contacts (and their contacts, and so on) of the life you put in danger. I'm very judgemental about it.

Hetty58, I started a completely innocent post on here about how my daughter was finding lockdown hard at the moment. I then said I wanted to sit in the garden with them (which BTW is allowed!). It has turned into a complete witch hunt, with you and other people judging me and my family.
I will be deleting my gransnet app.

Sophiasnana. I'm sorry you have been driven away by certain posters, when you came here looking for support.
Even if posters don't agree, there is a way of offering an opposing opinion, with resorting to nastiness.

All you wanted to do from what I can gather, is to visit and sit in the garden, observing social distancing, which is what many on here appear to be doing already.

Your daughter apparently lives very close to you, within walking distance. A walk there could count as legitimite exercise.
There was no need need for posters to villify you or your family, when they know nothing about you or your family's circumstances. Therefore for the grace of God go I!
God knows what some people are suffering just now.

I don't understand how, as some posters say, you are going to risk anyone's life, if you are only meeting in your daughter's garden, keeping well away from her and having no physical contact at all.

Did I get it wrong and you plan to ignore social distancing on your walk and hug everyone you come in contact with?

I don't know what has happened to GN. There are so many angry and judgemental people on here, unable or unwilling to try and look at situations from a perspective other than their own. Some compassion wouldn't go amiss.

I hope you manage to see your daughter and set your mind at rest.

Oldjude - That's true, you could isolate for months and still catch it and die in the end. There are no guarantees. I think, though, that you have to do the best you can to minimise the risks - to your family, your community and, of course, yourself.

You don't want to break the rules, catch it, spread it and be the cause of other people's deaths. You certainly don't want those others to be your children and grandchildren. Would you ever forgive yourself?

You may be able to live with the risk to others, and you may feel prepared to take your chances. (I will admit that I am frightened. I was in Intensive Care two years ago and the memories still haunt me.) But how would your family feel if you died? Worse still, how would they feel if their hugs had passed on the virus that killed you?

As for the number of deaths, there are apparently 60,000 "excess deaths" for this time of year. It is likely that many are due to the virus. That's also the number of probable coronavirus deaths according to the Financial Times - and, as someone said cynically but truly, they tend to be accurate with statistics as they have business and money in mind.

I agree that it is going to be a long time, probably, before we are safe. Our way of life may be changed forever. Some people will try to be careful but they will still catch it, and maybe die. But surely we should all do everything we can to keep as safe as possible and to protect other people?

I simply do not believe what I am reading here. Yes of course being at home with young children is not easy but neither is being on the front line in hospitals and care homes, being ill with the virus, losing loved ones, not being able to be with loved ones who are dying or attend their funerals, having your cancer operation cancelled or treatment delayed, being made redundant when there is little chance of new jobs soon etc etc etc. So, although a challenge, looking after you own 4 and 9-year-old is not the worst of what people are facing right now. There is a huge amount of support and ideas online of things to do in front of and away from the computer. Some ideas are listed here. Families all over the country are tussling with this and work but they have to make that effort to make sure that the NHS is not overwhelmed and that things can get back to normal asap without a second peak of infections.
@Gaunt47 of course these lockdown rules are having a detrimental effect on our society in all the ways I have listed above and many more but looking after your own children is not one of them. It is a privilege that many are appreciating doesn’t happen at times when both parents are working and children are at school, nursery etc.
You say “Incarcerating healthy young people is cruel. The regulations are unenforceable. Social distancing is unnatural.” Asking young people to stay at home is protecting them and others, the regulations are enforceable but any sensible, caring and responsible person will do it for the better good. Of course social distancing is unnatural but it IS necessary.
Great to say “Tell your daughter to get outside in the fresh air with husband and the kids, not long walks but activities.” But please DON’T give them plenty of hugs. @Scotpiper is right.
@Gaunt47 this strain is not disappearing and following the irresponsible behaviour these last few weekends there will inevitably be another spike and we will be back in lockdown. The only way out is with patience. Despite what you say about those who are shielding you seem to forget that those who decide they can return to normal now are those who endanger those who are more vulnerable.
We could have all gone on as normal with the idea of herd immunity with tens of thousands more deaths – that could still happen if people don’t continue to social distance and stay at home whenever possible. Listen to @ElaineI and @Luckygirl and @paddyanne, listen to the medics, watch Hospital on iplayer. @FlyingHandbag please do the same. The lockdown has been more severe in other countries. This is NOT just flu. Your children are adults and can cope with their children especially if they don’t feel that a bail out is round the corner from you.
I have simply stopped reading responses because of the lack of responsible attitudes from too many and the selfish attitude of ‘I will do what I want to do’. I'm appalled.