Disinterested in grandchild

Well, you don't know until you've had them.
You presume you'll be the same as every other mother and love them to bits.
Which, strangely enough you do.

To me it is quite strange to be uninterested in your grandchild. When I saw my first grandchild I felt a huge surge of emotion, just like falling in love. However we are all different.

A very brave post Paula50 and feelings I identify with.

Wow! I can't imagine not being interested in your children or your grandchildren I adore mine. Yes very brave to post it. We are all different for sure but I bet it doesn't go down well with the poor estranged Grans on here. What's it like when you and your grandchild do see each other? How does she relate to you?

My youngest GD's other granny was quite distant until she reached 6 ,now granny loves doing things with her and enjoys her company....she's an only GC on that side her dad is anonly child.Granny told me that she only had her son because her OH wanted children but after one she decided no more. Maybe you'll be the same and find as she gets older you'll enjoy her more.If you dont then thats just hoow you are and she'll accept its what your input into her life is .Dont stress about it,it is what it is

But twiceasnice everyone is different the fact you adore your grandchildren is immaterial and can only make Paula feel worse who i m sure isn’t posting purposely to make things feel bad for estranged grans
I think it was a very honest and heartfelt post and I felt some real flatness there, have you ever or do you suffer depression Paula? is your husband disinterested too ?
As you say, you try to say and do the right things but just don’t have the feelings in your heart I think you are doing what you can hopefully your little grandaughter will never realise and also hopefully she has another more hands on gran and grandad
Do you feel deep love for anyone?

I admire Paula for her honesty. One has to accept how you feel , however unusual it is compared to the rest of folk. You may find the relationship improves as she gets older. Just continue doing kind things even if it is an effort and see how it goes. At the end of the day we can only be ourselves.

My GS’s other granny (my SiL’s step mother) has never shown the slightest interest in spending time with him. She does birthday and Christmas presents on and off, and on the one rare occasion she called at the house to bring a belated present for his birthday, they were like strangers with each other. I find it unbearably sad, but it is her choice. It’s a shame, because she is a clever, funny, resourceful lady and he is a lovely lad who would benefit from a relationship with her.

Unless your DD is really upset by this what is the issue? When I was,small I saw my Nana 2-3 times a year because we lived 200 + miles away. I was very fond of her and she if me but it could not be called a close relationship. As I got older I stayed with her and visited her independently. All relationships are different. Don't compare, do what feels right.

If you didn't bond with your own children, and are disinterested in your grandchildren, I can't help wondering what your relationships with other people are like. I mean, if you find it hard to 'feel' anything with people who are of your blood, how can you possibly feel anything at all for people outside of your family? I'm sorry, but I do find this a little odd.
I sort of get the bit about I just feel it done the young kids I don't want anything to do with them again. But what I don't get is how you can hope to develop a loving relationship when your granddaughter is older if there's no foundation from early childhood. At what age does the disinterest change to interest? Eight? Ten? Fifteen? Are you not a little worried that she will by then have become disinterested in you? Or perhaps you are not hoping to develop this relationship...

But Mumofmadboys IS it unusual? Maybe it’s more common than you think and people just don’t talk about it.

Can't help feeling a bit sad at this post, my parents showed no interest in my son when he was born. They never babysat and although they live 2 mins walk from us they hardly ever called in, we did all the visiting in an attempt to keep a semblance of a grandparent relationship going. They're just not interested in children and now my son has his own child the same applies! Fortunately the other grandparents are the complete opposite so my son didn't really notice when he was very young. As he got older he used to ask whether my parents didn't like him, it was really sad and I feel they missed out on so much. But I guess they can't help it, I just wish they had at least made more of an effort and you seem to be doing that Paula so don't beat yourself up xxx

I understand Paula. I love my daughters dearly and my grandchildren especially now they are adult but I admit I wasn't crazy to see them every week when they were young children, too exhausting! I could never have taken on the childcare duties that so many do these days, although I was working full time myself so it didn't come up.
Did have them occasionally when parents away for weekend but very glad to hand them back.

Fortunately for me I fell in love with my grandson the day he was born, so the cycle has hopefully been broken!

Don't beat yourself up over this, Paula50. We are all different and not everyone has huge maternal instincts.
Maybe in time you might find she grows on you. I hope she does really, because grandchildren can be such a lovely relationship. Good luck, whatever.

I live 300 miles away from my gc. Due to life being busy, caring obligations etc I only get to visit once or twice a year. It is lovely to see them and I do enjoy spending time in their company ( they are 5 & 7 ) but by the end of the week I'm in awe of my dd on her patience ! Having children is definitely for the young. When I leave I'm secretly happy I don't have to do regular childcare .

My grandmother raised five children and I was the second grandchild she had loads. I don't feel she was particularly interested in any of us and her love and loyalty was clearly with her children. I understand she had it hard long story. I therefore never felt that grandmother love thing. On the other hand my Italian grandmother pined for the love of her son who in his youth lived with my grandmother's sister (another long story) and didn't have that mother son bond. She also pined for our love and although she had two grandchildren from her step son ( she loved the boy, not the girl so much) she also pined for our love. We lived in England never spoke the language and visited a couple of times a year. In hindsight I wish I had given her that little bit extra. I would say everyone is different and your feelings are your feelings. I too get really miffed when people gush about their grandchildren and the numbers like I am supposed to squeal with glee. It's probably dictated by my relationship with mine which was casual. I think you have raised a very interesting subject and just as you don't feel overwhelmed by your grandchild, many children don't feel overwhelmed by their grandparents especially as they get older and they are looking forward, college, boyfriends, girlfriends!

Paula50 - you are very brave to admit your feelings. I’m pretty sure there are numerous grans who feel similar.
You mention that you feel bad about it. I wonder if you feel that it would be worth seeking help of some kind. Counselling with a professional could help identify find the root cause (which is sometimes not exactly what we assume it is) and look for ways to make the situation better or at least the way it makes you feel.
You could try this without anyone else knowing.
If you’re content with the situation and can cope with the way you feel about it, better just to accept that’s the way it is.
Sometimes, if you keep pretending, the real feelings do grow.

It may seem strange and sad to some, but grandparents who aren't worried about how often the grandchildren are at their other Nans, and are not regularly 'devastated' by the nuances of blended families put a lot less pressure on parents.

Both my co grandmothers are less actively interested in the DGCs than I am. One is totally uninvolved and always has been from day one. Her son and she are estranged though he did try at one time to reconcile.
Other granny is with a different partner who is not DGC granddad. She is very fond of the DGC but chooses not to be as involved as I choose to be. We are all happy as we are.

I do love my 2 DGS but I never did the "going goey eyed" over them as babies, I would have a little cuddle & then hand them back. However once they reach the "interesting" stages of toddling around & starting to talk I adore them. I've never been one to go all broody over babies but once you can talk to & play with them it's different. Don't worry too much, as long as your DD is happy Paula just keep up contact & always remember Birthdays & Christmas.

My DD's PiL have little interest it their DGS but adore their DGD. DGS1 who is 8 knows this but he's not bothered as he's got me, Nan who he does love very much even though I see him intermittently (clash of busy lives for all of us)

My paternal grandparents didn't bond with us because we were adopted and they said we weren't their grandchildren. We were taken to see them but my memories were we were told to go into the garden, don't pick the fruit (long garden about 90 ft) don't touch the flowers, stay on the grass. we used to go sit on the little wall, we were inside for Sunday tea, cup of tea and slice of cake, then home.
I have several Grandchildren most of whom i do not see or even hear from, one Granddaughter (in her 30's) sends me happy Birthday on my FB page, I send cards and gifts to HER son, (5 this month) they all live in the north of england while I live in the South and there was a falling out when their father, my son, divorced their mother. My youngest son has a daughter , 11, and they live closer I have a closer relationship with her, I used to babysit her one day a week while the parents worked. I love her but a few hours in her company is enough, I love to see her but am not sorry when she goes home. my friend cannot see enough of her grandchildren, if she is not included in outings etc she gets really upset, she is always happy to child sit etc. we are all different.

I'm not a gran yet so a bit of an imposter. I love my daughter to bits and she's having IVF, 3 cycles failed now. I'm so eager to have a GC but no guarantees. My mother was very non-maternal and took little interest in us as kids but loved her grandkids. We are all different and we never know how we'll feel about GC till they arrive.

I'm not mother earth, but love my children and grandchildren. I have no intention of looking after the grandchildren and being tied to covering parents working and tying myself up with 'so many days a week'. I've done all of that type of care with my children. I'm happy to babysit, and have them when it suits me. But I have a life now. bringing my own children up was hard as a single mum, no maintenance. It's my time now.
What I'm getting at is you give what you want/can. All I would say is love grows. Love and that desire to see anyone, including grandchildren comes with spending time with them. The relationship between grandchildren and grandparents is different than that of being the parent responsible for everything. You and your granddaughter (and grandchildren gain so much from that special relationship).
It didn't come easy to me with my first grandson, but every week I did the weekly visit, which was more a duty visit if I'm honest. My 'reward' and bonding day came the day I went and after seeing him see me through the window, heard him running up the hall so excited shouting Nannie, Nannie. From that day I wanted to see him. He;s now 14, and tells me he loves me when I leave, mates there or not! Now have 6 and miss them if I dont see them.
Don't beat yourself up, but maybe do some of those 'duty' visits, and see if the magic happens for you

Congratulations Paula50 on owning it but look on the bright side. I have great-grandchildren and tomorrow I am lumbered with providing lunch and entertainment not only for the parents but for 3 children under 6yrs. They love to come in school holidays and it gives their Mum a break but it is jolly hard work for my husband and I.
I wish I had your courage.