moving on after bereavement

trendygran Lovely message.

Today is my GD first birthday. I remember how excited my husband and I were when she was born and visiting them in the hospital.
This afterenoon I will be attending her birthday party along with the other Grandparents. I feel so alone . Crying again.

narg a bittersweet day for you. (((hugs)))

Narg Life is going to go on like that for a long time, sadly. 'They' say it does become easier in time, but you and I know that right now it seems that things couldn't get any worse. Just remember that there are many of 'us' all going through the same horrible feelings and emotions and nothing is going to change the situation in which we find ourselves. I will be thinking of you this afternoon, celebrating your gd's birthday; you will get through it and will have a happy day for her sake. I've had to do it 2x this year and have also welcomed 2 new grandchildren into the family whose Grandad will never know them. I find when I am at my lowest and despairing, something always happens to lift me out of it - whether it be a phone call or a kindness from a stranger. Keep posting on GN. I have had so much support and help from all the lovely GNs over the last few months and some days the does shine, albeit it rather weakly!

Hello narg and Gally I hope when you see your little GD today, that she brings a smile to your face, I'm sure she will, take care.

narg Count your blessings and enjoy the day, don't let sorrow overcome the joy of your Gds birthday

I find that family occasions like this are hard. It's the one who should be there but isn't that makes it so bitter-sweet. I too hope that the joy your little GD brings will lighten your heart and lift your spirit.

narg and gally

narg this first year will be the hardest. It does get better. It's almost 10 years for me now and I've survived as you can see!
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Enjoy your GDs birthday.

narg the message from Gally is from the heart. I trust that your wee granddaughter will be a comfort to you. to you both.

The first year is most definitely the most difficult. It is now 5 years since my DH passed away. Eventually the clouds being to lift and then a little sunshine appears and those bright, happy days increase. It takes time but you do survive and begin to live and enjoy life, in a slightly different way.

Grandchildren are definitely a blessing and have helped me on many occasions.
Our eldest grandaughter just recently had to do a Family Tree and write about each of her relatives. When it came to her grandad she wrote ' My grandad is a bright star who looks down on me and looks after me from the sky, I only knew him for 31/2 years but he used to take me to the cafe and buy me a drink and some Jaffa Cakes'
It brought tears to my eyes and then I thought how wonderful John would have thought that was.

Oh Dancinggran, I am crying reading this. What a beautiful tribute to her grandad. What a thoughtful wee girl.

wisewoman -Thankyou - she is a very thoughtful little girl and was extremely close to her grandad - unfortunately she is the only one who has any memories of him and we often hear her talking about him to her sisters

One does move on but there will always be sadnesses. It's the nature of the beast. It's because they did matter.

Strangely I don't find anniversaries as in birthdays and marking the deaths, difficult.

It's watching the tv programmes alone and knowing what comments he might well have been making, that I still find difficult after two years. But it is changing. I can now tell friends about what he would have said in a particular situation - and can laugh!

narg so sorry for your loss, but please count your blessings in that you can be part of your grand childrens lives, sadly my husband and I may well go to our graves not seeing our youngest one.

Sorry that sounds awful but I do not mean it to, just trying to get you to focus on the positive bits.

It does not bear thinking about to lose your life partner, and would imagine is still early days 2 years is not that long.

keep posting and it does help to hear from other people and as you said when you are not seeing them you can be more candid maybe.

Once again I would like to thank you all for your kind messages of support.
I am amazed and truly humbled that strangers have taken so much time and effort to reply. Your words of wisdom have helped me to face the days ahead and I have re-read them many times.
I log in most days and often find something to make me smile on the forums.
Thank you all

narg hope the birthday party was bearable for you yesterday,and today is another step forward for you ....there are a lovely lot of people on herexxx

narg

I too hope you manged to enjoy the party after all, am sure people will allow for you to feel emotional, is very hard to you and early days.

we all try support each other on here I have noticed tho I am quite newbie is lovely forum I think x

narg We're here to listen and to help you to

I am pleased to have found this thread as a dear friend has recently lost her husband after years of looking after him. Of course she is devastated and I'm on here now to look for ways of helping her through all this.
She doesn't really want to go out due to panic attacks and feeling vulnerable so I visit for chats as much as possible. She keeps saying she feels she is a nuisance which of course she is not, but I'd like to arrange a little treat as a surprise but not sure what.
Unfortunately she has no family near and lost touch with a lot of friends as she was carer for her husband and wouldn't leave him.
Any thoughts welcomed.

Dancinggran I too was touched by your post, and you saying that only your oldest DGC, who sounds lovely, has any memories of your husband.
My Mum's father was killed in a car accident 3 years before I was born, but Mum was always telling me how much he would have loved me and my sister.
There was a lovely photograph of him on our sideboard and Mum and Grandma talked about him all the time, so that although as I got older I realised the sadness of it, somehow the Grandpa I never knew was a real presence in my life, and I think of him still. I hope that helps and and to you and narg and gally and all the other grans who are grieving.

I have found all these comments extremely helpful everybody suffering in the same way my husband died after 67 years of marriage and I have found it difficult but reading all these comments I feel better already. Thanks.

greatgrandma

Just to say thanks to all these sensitive and caring gransnetters who have posted on this thread. You have reached out to those in mourning and given them a shoulder to lean on. To know this site is here and giving some support and comfort is one of the best things about the Internet.
Huge thanks also to Tim Berners Lee who gave us all the World Wide Web and made it all possible.
Cheers everyone.

Blackbird, this is the first time I have written on this site.
My husband died 9 months ago yesterday, at ten to midnight. He had been ill for a few years, having fallen off a ladder and broken his back in 1996.
He never went to work again. 5 years ago he was diagnosed with cerebellar ataxia, which is a bit like motor neurone disease. He was told he could be in a wheelchair in 2 years or 20 years. No cure.
In September last year he had a fit and they discovered a brain tumour. He was operated on in October, but never recovered. He died in January, at 65 years old.
Blackbird was one of the songs we played at his funeral,because wherever we lived we had blackbirds nesting in the garden, and we watched them out of the bedroom window after we moved to our bungalow. He used to play Beatles songs to me on his guitar.
I live near Durham, not far from you. Ken was born in Ashington, and lived in Broomhill, near Amble. He went to Morpeth Grammar School.
We used to go up to Bamburgh and Warkworth quite regularly.
The last time we holidayed in Alnwick was when it was our youngest son's 40th birthday, but we went to the Alnwick Gardens and castle quite often.
Some people say you should not go back to places that remind you of before he died. In that case I would not go anywhere.
Sorry, can't write any more. Too upset.