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moving on after bereavement

(363 Posts)
ladybird9 Wed 04-Apr-12 22:46:24

I realise that there must be so many widows out there, me being one of them, I find life so difficult without him, although we had our differences, marriage is an institution after so many years together. Any advice as to how to move on successfully. I have moved from one county to another in an attempt to change my outlook, still trying......... down days, up days, !!!!!
Not being a member of Gransnet too long, I feel that because it is an indiscreet way of airing my thoughts I can do so without anyone knowing who I am, is this strange ???? would really appreciate acknowledgement and your views on the bereavement issue.

baubles Wed 24-Oct-12 06:04:29

jendurham if you keep coming back to this site you will find so much help and support from people who can empathise with you. I'm so sorry for your loss flowers

Elegran Wed 24-Oct-12 06:17:31

Jendurham You live so near to Blackbird that it is a pity you cannot meet. She has not posted for a couple of months, so I hope she is still reading these posts. Remember that you could send her a private message (click on "private message" on the purple strip just above her post) which she would be alerted to by an email from GNHQ to her regular email address.

Elegran Wed 24-Oct-12 06:18:08

baubles Hope you are keeping well.

Gagagran Wed 24-Oct-12 07:02:48

I've just read through all the sad posts on this thread and feel really humbled by the bravery shown by the widows and the compassion and support shown by GNs. How fortunate we are to have each other.

I do hope that those suffering bereavement are getting through the days with a little lightening of the sadness. flowers

Gally Wed 24-Oct-12 07:28:50

Jendurham flowers
How I feel for you; I won't say I know exactly how you feel, because I don't - we all feel differently about our loss. Mr.G died, very suddenly, 9 months ago this week too. I have my up and down days and I think that as anniversaries come onto the horizon, it makes life very difficult and sad but we have to look at the positives and try to look forward too. In November it will be his birthday - last year we had a big party, then in December it will be our 39th anniversary, then Christmas to get through, then in January, like you, the first anniversary of his death and so on...... Strangely, I don't feel uncomfortable or too sad when I visit places we went together; yesterday I was in a shop where we were the day before he died - we had a cup of tea and a cake and I made myself go and look at the place where we sat - and I felt quite ok about it. Like you, some days I just can't believe it and I think that is the hurdle we have to get over but take comfort in the fact that there are quite a few of us on GN who are in the same position and understand how truly dreadful you feel.

Ella46 Wed 24-Oct-12 08:08:35

(((Hugs)) to all of you, don't despair, your loved ones wouldn't want you to be unhappy, they would send you sunshine and flowers xx

Learnergran Wed 24-Oct-12 08:26:34

I became a widow very suddenly yesterday afternoon. I cannot sleep and have been reading GN. I find this so comforting. Especially "take one day at a time and if that it too much one hour a a time". This is what I will try to do.

Grannylin Wed 24-Oct-12 08:31:52

Dear,dear Learnergran, keep coming back.I'm very sad for you and send you love flowers

Jodi Wed 24-Oct-12 08:39:05

Oh no. How awful for you learnergran are you alone or have you family with you? flowers

Bags Wed 24-Oct-12 08:39:50

Learnergran, flowers

annodomini Wed 24-Oct-12 08:45:04

Learnergran, ((((hugs)))). flowers

JessM Wed 24-Oct-12 08:53:22

Wish I could come round and make you a brew. Don't go away.

Learnergran Wed 24-Oct-12 09:03:57

DS is here. He is only 22 and is overwhelmed but has been so good to me; I do not know if I would have coped without him. DD1 arrived from London last night; she had been in a job interview when it happened and rang to say how she had got on; when I told her what had happened she came straight here to North Wales. DD2 is on her way from Australia, having left her twin babies with her husband; she will arrive tomorrow. DH and I only moved here in Spring - in fact our new house, which we bought and have been having renovated for our retirement, will be ready in two or three weeks time - too late.
DH was diagnosed with cancer in June. Being a cyclist and very fit he had coped very well with surgery but then had had to have chemo as more cancer had been found in the lymph nodes. First cycle fine, started second cycle on Tuesday last week and this time started feeling tired and weak. Not too well on Monday, just tired really, but better yesterday morning - perfectly normal. Then just sort of collapsed. I called 999 and was talked through cpr but by the time the paramedics arrived ten minutes later it was too late.
I just can't believe this has happened. I'm sorry to go into detail like this but I cannot speak out loud without crying so this is such a help.

baubles Wed 24-Oct-12 09:07:25

Dear learnergran my heart goes out to you flowers

annodomini Wed 24-Oct-12 09:10:09

Learnergran. You are going through such a sad time. Perhaps you can say things to us - strangers, but friends - that it would be hard to say to your family at the moment. It is good that you have a devoted and supportive family. You will all be needing one another's support in the next few weeks. You have ours too. x x x

Greatnan Wed 24-Oct-12 09:11:46

Learnergran - I am sure all gransnetters feel sincere sympathy. Pour out your heart as much as you like. It is good that your children have responded so quickly. You must be very much loved.

grrrranny Wed 24-Oct-12 09:16:08

*learnergran' I can't write how much I feel for you - just hope we can all support you when you are able to post flowers

Gally Wed 24-Oct-12 09:31:54

Dear Learnergran it is such, such early days for you - you are in shock and nothing will seem real for a long time but take heart, you will get through the next weeks on adrenalin and with the help of your family; remember, they are grieving too and you will be a comfort to them. your story is so akin to mine, including the DD travelling from Australia, it breaks my heart to read your post. flowers

Gagagran Wed 24-Oct-12 09:35:22

Dear Learnergran my heart goes out to you and your DC. You must all be in a state of shock. The only words at a time like this are the ones often spoken in Ireland - "I'm sorry for your trouble" - and I truly am. flowers

celebgran Wed 24-Oct-12 09:44:18

my heart goes out to you too Learnergran!! wish there was something I could say but please stay with gransnet they are a good bunch and we will all help and support you. thinking of you at this awful time in your life.flowers

whenim64 Wed 24-Oct-12 09:44:49

Oh Learnergan I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. What a devastating time you've been having. Thank goodness your family are around you so you can support each other. flowers

Marelli Wed 24-Oct-12 09:46:31

Learnergran, - my thoughts are with you. You'll not be knowing which way to turn just now, but when you can find it within yourself to talk to us again, please come back and let us know how you are. Today will be a day of 'doing'. Your children will need you - but be kind to yourself and accept whatever help that may come your way. flowers xx

celebgran Wed 24-Oct-12 09:48:09

Gally and all the grans who have sadly lost their partners just wanted to say how brave you are and how I feel for you, losing my daughter who is still alive is like living bereavment and there are some places I cannot go to as it hurts too much but it reminds me still have my darling husband and we must focus on that.

flowers to the poor ladies coping with sad loss of partner.

gracesmum Wed 24-Oct-12 10:16:36

Oh my dear, what a dreadful shock for you . I send my sincerest sympathy for your loss and a big {{hug}} I am glad you will have your children around you and send them my condolences on the loss of their dear father. flowers xx

janeainsworth Wed 24-Oct-12 10:24:37

Dear Learnergran I'm so very sorry, for you and your children too. flowers