Hopeless dilemma

To be honest, I always ignore Soon's posts as they are are so judgmental and self-righteous.

Thank you to those who have understood the subtleties of this dilemma. I have no idea how it will eventually be resolved, but appreciate your kind words.

I dont mind if you ignore them Luckygirl. That is up to you.

Luckygirl I would be furious too, and frustrated at feeling powerless to act as I would really want to.

JaneAinsworth Re your comments on Fri 03-Jul-15 21:38:29

Unfortunately it would not surprise me at all if the FIL really does not seem to have a clue about what he has done wrong.
Given what we have heard about him and the boorish way he behaves, An inability to understand the feelings of other people would seem to go with his personality type.

The B*****D has had an empathy bypass.

Indeed nellie - and somehow we have to keep the peace in the family and it is going to be very difficult indeed. Protecting the children is the first priority. It is not just the physical action but the fact that these two children, who up to now have had faith in the adults around them, have been shocked to the core by this - especially the older one who was not on the receiving end but witnessed what happened. Goodbye childhood innocence at a stroke. I am seething.

I've been following this thread lucky girl, the comment from your 6 year old grandchild prompted me to comment. My parents didn't smack, they were born in the 1920's and often commented that their own parents were unusual in that generation, in not having a strap hanging behind the door, in readiness for chastising children.

I don't believe this man either understands or cares about the impact of his behaviour on others, particularly on children. I'm sure you recognise the personality type and accept he won't change. I empathise with your daughter and sil as they try and build their business whilst, it seems, locked into some kind of working relationship with him.

As a child of 8, I was present when my uncle made his 3 boys take their pj's off, lined them up and slapped their bottoms as all 3 boys cried, screamed and trembled with fear. I was "rescued" by my dad. Despite this happening almost 60 years ago, it immediately came to mind when I read your OP. It's a relief to read that your 6 year old grandchild has talked to his mum about the incident. Whatever else happens, it seems to me that the children need a clear message that this incident was wrong and won't happen again.

What a rotten situation.

Thank you Iam - my DD spoke about it to the 6 year old and made it very clear that she would never allow this to happen again to either of them and that the man's behaviour was very wrong. I am just so sad that she is in this position, as the repercussions for the future are unimaginable, and it is not the sort of conversation you wish to be forced to have with your children.

Dear SIL cannot come back at the moment, but he is supporting DD all he can every day on the phone. Without saying anything that would identify him, if he were to come back it would be like the Val Doonican show without Val Doonican and there would be thousands of ticket refunds needed, amounting to tens of thousands of pounds.

DD is feeling a bit better from her bug, although has eaten virtually nothing for 4 days; little lad is vomiting, and has been all night and all day yesterday. It is not a good time for them all.

Thank you all for your support in this awkward situation. It is much appreciated.

How wrong it is to think you know what they should do in this situation. anyone who has the slightest understanding of what is going on would realise it is probably impossible to walk away from this situation. Yes, i had some 'great' ideas about what to do like call the social services anonymously but when I thought all these ideas through I realised how impractical they are.

All we can do is offer our support and understanding.

Thank you nonnie. I am sure there will be a resolution to this problem in time, but it is very raw for my DD (and indeed the rest of us) at present. There will be difficult conversations to be had, as you can imagine, not just with FIL himself, but with the young lady who helps with childcare occasionally to explain that she must not let him take the children off by himself. What a ludicrous situation to be in - what a dreadful man he is to cause all this upset. And as others have said, he will consider that he has done no wrong.

I'm not into offering advice on personal matters when I don't know people well, but just want to say that I don't think many , if any people on G N would think you were over reacting.I feel very sorry for you all; we feel our children's / GC 's pain, and your Dd and her husband seem to be in an intolerable position being involved with this ghastly man.

There is also mil to consider. If she has the children, is she going to allow her husband access?

Thank you Atqui for your understanding.

I have been receiving pms this afternoon [not from Luckygirl] about this subject.
I have never received negative pms before.
I have reported them to gransnet to see if they are allowed.

I too have received pms on this matter and am very grateful to those who have taken the trouble to provide support and understanding.

* soontobe* chin up!

Thanks petallus.
She is not even on this thread, so they came out of the blue.

Gransnet have replied to me, so I will take their advice.

Ideally the children will disclose what happened to an independent professional at nursery or school and they will , by law, have to follow through with an action.

Luckygirl I can understand you distress and the dilemma faced by your DD and her DH on managing the future. Gie the little lads loads of love and reassurance and they will be resiliant and bounce back.

All those smug posts about perfect SiLs. .just ignore ! Pride comes before a fall!

Luke 6 v 27-29
But I say to you that listen. Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. If anyone strikes you on the cheek, offer the other one also; and from anyone who takes away your coat do not withold even your shirt.

I am saying all this in relation to Penstemmon.
I would like to offer you my other cheek.

S2B this thread is NOT about you.

I can offer my other cheek to Penstemmon by pm.

I do ask Luckygirl, that if she had anything to do with the negative pms [as the pmer wouldnt say], to perhaps speak to her supporters.

soon you're now just being provocative.

And not a little unkind - Luckygirl is obviously suffering and has made it clear that she doesn't appreciate your contributions.

May I suggest you take yourself and your 'me, me, me' posts off this sensitive thread.

soontobe that remark is totally unhelpful.
A GNer is in a difficult position and you are quoting one line of scripture which is probably without any context relating to the posters dilemma.

If you think your bible quote is OK in these circumstances then one can always find an opposite view.
Matthew 18:6
New International Version
"If anyone causes one of these little ones--those who believe in me--to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

As well as this
William Shakespeare
“The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
An evil soul producing holy witness
Is like a villain with a smiling cheek,
A goodly apple rotten at the heart.
O, what a goodly outside falsehood hath!”
― William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice

I (and probably others) do not want to discuss the picking of quotations any further so please do not start a discussion about scriptual meaning here.
I am not asking you for any explanations about the meaning of biblical quotes so please don't given any here.

I was going by the fact that she said that she always ignores my posts Riverwalk. I take her at her word.

Best now for me to come off this thread, unless other things are said concerning myself.

OK soontobe that's more than enough. As has already been said, this thread isn't about you.

You have made what sound to me like smug comparisons between the very challenging situation Luckygirl's family find themselves in and the idealised version you present of your own family. You respond to Penstemmon by quoting the Bible and presenting yourself as a martyr in that and in the references you make to having received negative pm's.

Please take yourself off and do some reflective thinking.