Am I in the wrong

I feel sorry for the OP, who is clearly worried about her health, but I also feel very sorry for her daughter.

I can say from bitter experience that it is horrible and incredibly stressful being stuck in the middle between a mother and a husband who despise each other

For goodness sake, this person has been given an awful diagnosis; she has clearly been dealing with emotional difficulties in the family for some time; she is very obviously upset and understandably so. She is so clearly vulnerable.

She asks if she is being unreasonable so it is entirely reasonable to answer that question. But why on earth do some think it is OK to just go for her, no thought or acknowledgement of her difficulties, tell her off, start discussing troll possibilities etc etc!!

Thank goodness some on here have the maturity, generosity of spirit and kindness to tell her she is being unreasonable and needs to think again but in a way that also helps her to think about her priorities and also acknowledges her pain, giving empathy whilst giving hard messages.

Reading some of the replies on this thread, given the nature of tge original post, , are quite frankly gob smacking!!

*You say you spend quality time with your GC, something that not all GP's get to do because of their AC's partner, in fact some of us don't get to see our GC or AC at all.

TBH as long as could see my D and the children I wouldn't give two hoots about seeing this man, let alone spending any length of time with him.

I'm very sorry about your bad news regarding your mammogram and think that before you make any decisions you should discuss the treatment and long term prognosis if you refuse chemotherapy.*

Good advice. Lollipop please think carefully about this

If she got a diagnosis from no more than a mammogram, it was faster than most of us get it. I imagine the most she was told at that point was that she was to go back to have a repeat mammogram. The letter or phone call when she discovered that news would have told her that it was most like a technical hitch There was no excuse at that point for her to use something so vague to threaten suicide as she did, and even after an eventual positive diagnosis it would have been a dreadful thing to say.

Elegran, agreed. She asked 'Am I in the wrong?' so, of course, she's well aware that she maybe is.

Possibly there is more, and the OP has had further tests, but you do not get diagnosed by a mammogram.
It will show up something that need further investigation.
Hopefully, if that is the case, all will be well with the results.

MissAdventure

Possibly there is more, and the OP has had further tests, but you do not get diagnosed by a mammogram.
It will show up something that need further investigation.
Hopefully, if that is the case, all will be well with the results.

Correct. You are recalled and have a biopsy and then called again. Even then chemo is not necessarily going to be the treatment, I had lumpectomy and radiotherapy.

Regardless of that though, I still think it is slightly shocking to say what OP said to her daughter.

Hithere

Background
Https://www.gransnet.com/forums/relationships/1293792-Forgive-PLEASE-HELP

Can’t open that . No idea why.

I won't even say how I feel about someone using cancer as a stick to beat someone with.
I would be banned.

This is the other thread

Oh dear.

OMG! This is a toxic situation which nobody could be expected to escape from without a lot of help.
If you have cancer you should have emotional support. There are Maggie's Centres around the country which offer free counselling.
They were very helpful for me when my DH was diagnosed.
maggies.org

I don't understand the part where you say you got bad news from a mammogram and then spoke about the possibilty of chemotherapy. I have actually had breast cancer and when my mammogram showed an abnormality, I had a biopsy at the same time as receiving the news. Treatment was not discussed until some days later.
If you do have cancer then you have my sympathy, but to use it as emotional blackmail against your daughter is appalling. I hope you get the help you need.

Thank you so very very much. to the caring people on here. I asked if I was in the wrong I don’t understand why people are being cruel. Bagss68 “make you think the Dom in law has a point “ a point about what??
if I don’t tell my Dsughter how I really feel how can she make a decision. I am very depressed even before the mammograms scans biopsy’s because her husband leaves me out of all family get together s. He goes out of his way to hurt me. I’m disabled im in pain every single day. I’m unable to work. I used to work I loved working I had upto 2000 employees working for me. But now friends are few I’m unable to go out & enjoy myself or meet a partner so what’s the point in carry on living when I haven’t much to live for. I hope you understand my situation somewhat more x

Lollipoplove glad you have come back and hope you will take some of the good advice you have received

Yes I am. But there’s enough bad advice to push someone over the edge

Lollipoplove you must listen, don't do this to your daughter and take steps to take care of yourself

Lollipoplove In your difficult situation I think you would find some independent counselling to help you find a way forward for yourself, your treatment and your family worries

Please try to ignore the unkindly expressed posts, not worth causing yourself more upset. Think about the thoughtful, if honest posts, and maybe doing that with a counsellor would help.

Yes I think you are very unreasonable. I think it was awful for you to put such a horrendous burden on your daughter.

I'd recommend seeing a doctor about your depression and maybe a therapist to help you sort your head out.
You've jumped straight to cancer and chemo when you don't even know you have it and tried to emotionally blackmail with your daughter with it.
You need help and I mean that in a nice way.

Your daughter isn't responsible for your happiness, you are.

Please seek help.

Yes I think you are very unreasonable. I think it was awful for you to put such a horrendous burden on your daughter.

Bibbity did you read the OPS follow up post a few posts above yours, before posting that comment? She needs help and counselling, NOT hammering, it's patently obvious! How unkind and thoughtless

Yes. I did. And she is still posting about the SIL like any of it matters. Like what she did to her daughter can be justified.

Maybe but she is vulnerable and needs help to see a way through, see what might be wrong with what has happened, what she has said and done. Vulnerable people who are scared and upset will NOT be helped by your hammering. Very very unkind, thoughtless and I hope you are never, for whatever reason in such a vulnerable position and if you are that you are treated with more empathy even whilst being given honest feedback!

"if I don’t tell my Dsughter how I really feel how can she make a decision"

I am sorry that you are going through so much, but you are asking your daughter to choose between you and her husband. That is wrong. You are making her and her alone responsible for your mental health and life. The only person who should be responsible for that is you.

I hope you are able to find a doctor and a therapist who can help you with your mental health so you can make decisions for yourself and your health.

Try visiting the link that Grammaretto offered or give your doctors office a call and ask for recommendations.

freedomfromthepast

"if I don’t tell my Dsughter how I really feel how can she make a decision"

I am sorry that you are going through so much, but you are asking your daughter to choose between you and her husband. That is wrong. You are making her and her alone responsible for your mental health and life. The only person who should be responsible for that is you.

I hope you are able to find a doctor and a therapist who can help you with your mental health so you can make decisions for yourself and your health.

Try visiting the link that Grammaretto offered or give your doctors office a call and ask for recommendations.

please hear this Lollipoplove

You really need to take care of yourself