accepting life has changed forever

To be fair to my husband he always said to any ‘ authority’ that I was his wife not his carer. The fact that he then added I was his ‘don’t carer’ was neither here nor there?

Oh Canarygirl1 please don't beat yourself up - take the advice and get some help .... if you burn out like the other poor ladies then how would you both cope?

It sounds as though you need a Carer Assessment and he needs an OT assessment too for aids - then there are ways and means with hoists and chairs etc to get out and about again.

Camsnan - am sorry but who are you protecting from the 'virus'? Him or yourself? He is abusive and controlling but you deserve a life too, and if I were being treated like that he would have been parked into care some time ago!!

Saggi - above applies to you too really - I cannot imagine how you are both coping, especially if unwell, I know I couldn't do it for anyone I didn't love and respect - what are you ladies holding out for? It must be a completely miserable existence. I am unwell and struggling to look after myself, but at least I do have a glimmer of love and happiness from my little DGDs.

Sending you all love hugs and xx

FlexableFriend - you have my sympathy and I hope you recovered enough to tell your delightful H where to go in no uncertain terms.

again thank you for all the suggestions given and i will start investigating different leads.. First job at the moment is to get new meds sorted and him home and settled again.
I can only offer best wishes to all of you who have troubles of your own and yet taken time to listen to me thank you

i think you are doing well. I presume your husband can still communicate - my mom did not speak once she had her stroke.
Get as much help as you can - somebody else has suggested the stroke associatiom? Are you able to get a wheelchair - second hand or on loan and go out for walks that way? A change of scenary would be good for both of you

I’m sending you a big hug which I hope gives you a moment to smile. You are a generous person so please take care of yourself along with your DH. ?

My mother suffered a stroke , so I have some knowledge of the practical side of what you are dealing with. Is there a stroke club or somewhere he could safely spend a few hours to give you a break? Is there a carers support club locally. As well as looking after home you need to look after yourself which I know is easier said than done.

My heart goes out to you Canarygirl.
It must be so difficult to keep your spirits up whilst feeling so confined in these strange times. Keep in touch with us here for support and encouragement and go for all the other support and respite you can get. Sending big hugs to you. ????

Ive nothing to add to the good advice and support offered here, some of which it sounds like you'll act on. These strange times are difficult for all of us. Add the kind of things your dealing with and it can feel dark and overwhelming. It's good that you posted here x

Do please find someone who can help out.

Even if you only can have an hour to yourself once a week, it will make an enormous difference.

You are living what I think every wife dreads, seeing your beloved husband getting weaker and weaker.

Canarygirl1 I am wondering what help you have with your husband. Have you had an occupational health assessment ?
There are lots of aids available to help with people with your husbands' condition. Have you ever heard of a banana board and sliding sheets and handling belts? Or does your husband have a foldable wheelchair and can you apply for a disability car which can take a wheel chair? For those who do not know what I am talking about, a banana board is a flat smooth banana shaped board that fits between a wheelchair and a car seat or any other chair. If the disabled person is sitting in a wheel chair, make sure they are strapped in then remove the arm of the wheelchair. The board is used by tucking one end firmly under the disabled person's buttock and the other end over a car seat. A nylon 'sliding sheet is folded in half and tucked under the dp's buttock too. A belt with handles on the sides is fitted around the dp's waist then undo any wheelchair straps and you get hold of the handles of the belt and slide the person over from the wheelchair to a car seat. If you have a foldable wheel chair fold it up and put it in the car boot.
Or if you could get a disability vehicle that is designed a bit like a van with windows and a rising and lowering step to enable the dp to be put in the back while sitting in their wheelchair.
There are hoists and all manner of aids designed to make life easier for a carer. You may have these things already if not get on to your GP to point you in the right direction.
By the way I think you are doing a brilliant job!