Putting myself on the chopping block ...

As has been mentioned, this is a public forum and anybody can access it and share posts from it. I found out about gransnet from reddit, for example. It's hardly surprising that people embroiled in an estrangement situation or difficult relationship, from whichever side of the fence, go looking for information about similar situations. I'd guess that most people find those of like minds and stick with them, but some of us are curious about the other perspective.

Not to defend Mamasperspective's comments on the other forum about goading the gransnet users, but EACs are greeted with suspicion and sometimes aggression on gransnet. You may not think so, but then you're talking from the other side of the fence with the comfort of your fellow EPs and EGPs surrounding you.

Why would an EAC come to a forum so hostile to them? Like I said, curiosity is a factor. I don't doubt Mamasperspective started out with good intentions, genuinely wanting to understand her MIL by getting insight from estranged mothers/GPs/MILs. I also have no doubt that she got more than she bargained for and probably has a pretty dim view of many of the estranged grandmothers she's encountered here. And who knows... maybe goading you is a way to get back at her MIL by proxy. Again - not defending this, but I do understand the impulse.

Why should anyone put up with goading whether its by proxy or not?

Particularly when it is being viewed and cackled over elsewhere.

You're free to respond to it any way you like, MissAdventure

No more that EP's, EGP's and m's.i.l. are maxiepants.

I have not seen an EAC greeted with suspicion and sometimes aggression on gransnet. I have seen them responded too harshly but not because they are EAC but because of what they have posted.

I wouldn't say that mamasperspective original post wasn't made with good intentions but it's blatantly obvious that this one wasn't.

I can see that you are not defending her behaviour on this thread, but neither are you condemning it and neither is VS. It doesn't take much imagination though to imagine the response from EAC had this been done by an EP/EGP/m.i.l.

What good can come from goading people you don't know and have never met? If the OP still has unresolved issues with her m.i.l. then she should address them to her.

As I posted earlier, I honestly believe that anyone who does something like this because they think it may help them, and anyone seeing and encouraging this type of behaviour who believes it offers them as a member of the audience support, is clearly not receiving the type of support they need.

Well it looks like that's another question that wont be answered MissA, just like the ones I asked VS on the previous page.

I feel that any responsibility lies with those responsible VS. Do you feel in anyway responsible for what the OP sought to do here?

The thing is, as the other thread (on the other site) was 3 months old it can't (at least initially) be directly rrlated to this thread on Gransnet. It is much older than this thread... I don't feel I have the whole picture tbh Smileless2012.

I think this is just continued goading, until it results in the "required" response.
Flogging a dead horse, if you like.

The last (selected) screenshot shown by IHateHypocrites was a month ago.

Do we even know that it was related to Gransnet?

One of the screen shots read "I love Gransnet it brings me joy
I love putting them in their place"

I'm not sure how much more it could be related to GN NotSpaghetti.

I did access the link provided by IHateHypocrites almost immediately while it was still accessible. It was damning in terms of the OP's motivation, aka Girlmom behind this thread which would explain why shortly afterwards and ever since, it can no longer be viewed.

Do you think it could be a question of 'who blinks first' MissA

Well they do say "I love gransnet, I love putting them in their place" so...

Unless they regularly all go to watch and back each other on other sites, I'd say it's likely.

Any road up.
The person has estranged her mum in law, nobody wants to argue about it - why would they?
So, least said, soonest mended, I think.

maybe they do regularly watch and back each other on other sites.

Well yes; job done.

There are people saying you can't verify the story with only one side. But we only have one side of their story and we need to accept it fully or we are being nasty. Hypocrisy.

People are saying that posting here means we aren't healed. If we have a problem don't come here. Yet you are posting here and clearly have a problem. Hypocrisy.

People condemning others for posting about their interactions here in other places. Those people comment about their interactions with us on other threads. Hypocrisy.

Don't get me starting on trashing therapy and then immediately claiming no one ever did that. Or opening ripping into people and claiming you've literally never done that.

You are only fooling yourselves. You aren't hurt or bothered by this post. You just want to make other people feel bad. And you want sympathy and support when a stranger vents about you on another anonymous forum.

It's like watching a child break something right in front of you then repeatedly argue that they didn't do it.

We saw you do it.

No, ok then.
We won't get you started.

Well we saw the OP do it didn't we.

One day ...maybe...these threads won't descend into controversy!!

Maybe Bridie but I'm not holding my breath

I've been at work

I cannot answer questions if I am not here...

Was it important? Should I read back?

I asked the questions in my post @ 11.51 and you posted @ 12.47 so I assumed you must have seen them VS.

maxiepants

As has been mentioned, this is a public forum and anybody can access it and share posts from it. I found out about gransnet from reddit, for example. It's hardly surprising that people embroiled in an estrangement situation or difficult relationship, from whichever side of the fence, go looking for information about similar situations. I'd guess that most people find those of like minds and stick with them, but some of us are curious about the other perspective.

Not to defend Mamasperspective's comments on the other forum about goading the gransnet users, but EACs are greeted with suspicion and sometimes aggression on gransnet. You may not think so, but then you're talking from the other side of the fence with the comfort of your fellow EPs and EGPs surrounding you.

Why would an EAC come to a forum so hostile to them? Like I said, curiosity is a factor. I don't doubt Mamasperspective started out with good intentions, genuinely wanting to understand her MIL by getting insight from estranged mothers/GPs/MILs. I also have no doubt that she got more than she bargained for and probably has a pretty dim view of many of the estranged grandmothers she's encountered here. And who knows... maybe goading you is a way to get back at her MIL by proxy. Again - not defending this, but I do understand the impulse.

I think this is probably spot on

I remember when I first joined, it wasn't too bad at first, there were a few invalidating comments and a few guilt trips in defence of the woman who abused me but I kept explaining. Then one day I made a comment and was told it meant something else when it didn't. At that moment I was just turned on. It was awful. Any thread I started was deliberately ruined. Even threads I started just for the EAC here. It descended into a nightmare and I was very determined not to leave the site and prove myself.

Genuinely coming here was an awful experience until I learned to cope with it.

Now I just try engage as myself, not my label "EAC" because it no longer defines me

I'm not surprised OP could not cope with her first experience here and it went down the way it has...

Some behaviours aren't ok but those behaviours usually have a trigger

Smileless2012

I asked the questions in my post @ 11.51 and you posted @ 12.47 so I assumed you must have seen them VS.

I was at work, having what generally amounts to a 10 minute lunch break

If you feel I have missed something important then always feel free to politely point that

Having now read the question erm... In question, they are goading and unproductive

Besides, I haven't defended the behaviour I have only been interested in what led to it

I remember when you first joined GN but I have no recollection of what you claim to have been your experience, but we know recollections may vary don't we.

No invalidating comments, no guilt trips or attempts to defend your mother or you being turned on, quite the opposite in fact.

Threads you have started have not been deliberately ruined. They have I agree tended to deteriorate, one reason possibly being your insistence that they were only for EAC and making it very obvious despite supportive posts from others, that they were not welcome.

As was pointed out on more than one occasion, on an open forum like GN you cannot have threads for only one select group. I know that the support thread has often been accused of being only for those who have been estranged, but that is not the case.

There have been great contributions over the years from EAC and from those with no experience of estrangement. One poster, herself an EAC was a regular contributor to the thread.

If the OP genuinely found her first experience here so awful why come back, not just with this particular thread but on other threads? I know she has because I have engaged with her on them.