Forums for estranged adult children

Smileless2012

There was nothing wrong with the title or the OP InRainbows and the only reason it has led to this is because of how some have chosen to respond.

That is your perspective and one that I do not share.

Fair enough.

Really is best not to engage with posters who are obviously banned posters. Just hope it doesn't put first posters off. I don't read them but am sorry for those that have insults aimed at them by peopIe putting 2 & 2 together and making 5.

By 'eck, the previously banned poster is still smarting after all this time! Still looking for someone else to blame for all their failures and inadequacies.

Unfortunately everytime a new thread appears on the estrangement thread it always turns nasty . Usual suspects appear and then the nasty ones appear who you have never seen on GN before. Who love to twist the knife . IA was one of those . I reported her twice and when I heard from GNHQ they had banned her I let Smiles know . But she will be back next time a new thread starts . And the whole saga will start all over again .

The only thread that has lasted is the support thread and that's thanks to Smiles ,Yogin and other long timers. Think it's 14 years it's been running but may be 15.

Those of us there have beat off trolls who have tried time and time again to destroy it. But they will never win. For me it was and still is a lifeline. Took me months of sending PM s to Smiles before I could post openly .

What I would say to people who genuinely need help don't start a new thread if you are a parent , sibling or grandparent who is estranged join the support thread . Those who estrange their parents etc are still welcome on the support thread but will not be tolerated if they attack people on there .

I do think it’s best if people don’t engage with her/them and I am an EC, too old to be called a child really

TBH I'd rather engage than let sweeping generalisations and false representations stand, especially when known posters are being targeted.

I also continue to be fascinated at the level of hostility some who are estranged carry and show toward those who have been estranged when they don't know them.

Pain and anger is of course expressed by EP's and EGP's but toward those who have estranged them and not toward estrangers in general.

When threads deteriorate as this one did it says more about those who seek to hurt and disrupt than it does about those who engage with maturity.

I did report and ask that my reply post was removed. Thank you GN. 👍

I did not write the above post at 09,42am, my user name begins with a capital letter. I have reported the troll as i did ones which took over a whole forum this morning.which Gransnet removed.
These are very troubled people who obviously cannot get the help they require.

I just saw it has gone.

^I swear these sad, pathetic trolls have such empty and miserable lives that they have nothing better to do but attack us every chance they get.
^

No real idea what has gone one or does go on on these types of threads sometimes.

But dont forget, there are a whole load of mentally ill people about.

Yes there are Allsorts and fancythat but sadly some are just nasty. I missed that post Allsorts; well spotted. Didn't see the ones earlier, you must be an early riser.

Thanks to you too DL I was thinking about that advert with the Meerkats "no one wants to see that" .

But dont forget, there are a whole load of mentally ill people about.

There are indeed and its sad that they're unable get the treatment they need to help them to move on in their life. Without that treatment, their estrangement has become the very definition of their whole identity; it's who they are: an estranged "child", unable to move past whatever happened to them. The reason that they constantly return to this forum is connected to their inability to cope with rejection; rejected by her mother and family and then rejected by GN; their mental and emotional fragility cannot cope with that. They can't go back to her mother and punish her for whatever she did so, whenever her emotional wheels are coming off, she comes back here to unleash her anger and frustration with someone else who rejected her: you. It's salt in her wound that all you estranged parents have somehow managed to heal, build a new life and move on. She's not been able to do that and is angry and bitter with you all, so she comes back again and again to punish you. Yes she's sad and pathetic but she hasn't got the mental or emotional maturity or resilience that you have. If it's at all possible, spare her some understanding and pity for the pain she's still not got to grips with; she's not getting the help she desperately needs.

Yes, obviously, mental health issues can come into play.

But, mostly, when ‘an estranger’ comes on and posts, they are always full of how happy they are to be free (often) of their parents.

How much counselling, therapy and support they’ve had, and how much the various assorted psycho-babble podcasts, books etc have helped.

How happy and healed they now are.

All good, but if that’s the case, one has to wonder why they present as bitter, miserable and so unforgiving they assume any and all estranged older parents must be abusive?

Then the invective starts. 🙄

I think they’re deluding themselves if they think they’re happy and healed. 🙄

I think that, on a day to day basis, they probably are "happy and healed" DiamondLily but something triggers her, maybe in her daily life or maybe seeing a post in the estrangement forum that she lurks on. I've read her posts on another forum; one that was mentioned upthread, and her anger and misery is as raw today as it was when she was a regular poster here. She seems mainly able to cope with her emotions by venting to other like minded estranged "adult children", but that doesn't help her cope with her feelings of rejection from getting banned from here. She's furious that she no longer has a legitimate voice to preach to you all about your perceived failings as parents so she comes back, over and over again, fully aware that she'll be banned yet again, but for the brief time that she's able to post, she feels visible again. Ignoring her posts would be good but I appreciate that it's difficult when she's at her most destructive and inflammatory. Poor woman; she's really not well.

I've always thought that some have a deep seated resentment of the EP's who post here, who have eventually found peace and happiness without those who estranged them in their lives.

Maybe some EAC don't like to think that their parents have done the same, and prefer to think of them spending the rest of their lives suffering.

I can understand grieving for parents you never had because you were saddled with abusive ones but I can't understand the warped view that all parents who are estranged must be abusive.

Thank you Cardamom for your insightful contribution .

Your post @ 11.17 is interesting Cardamom.

We are often criticised on this forum with accusations of being an 'echo chamber', naval gazing etc especially the support thread, but I know that over the years many have been helped myself included which shows for me, that the overall approach of all threads on this forum by the majority who come here, works.

Even if it doesn't make seem to make any difference, for me destructive and inflammatory posts should be challenged and I have always done so.

Constantly venting to other estranged "adult children" appears to making their situation worse. There needs to be a voice of reason which one day just might be listened too.

But, a banned Poster would have to use a new name? Isn't that tbe case?
Would the Admins not notice that the same email was being used?

Admin only looks if something's reported Maremia.

A poster a few years ago was banned and came back with a new name. She was identified but GNHQ allowed her to stay despite the concerns of those she'd targeted; she was given a second chance.

She was eventually banned again for the same reasons she was banned the first time.

Maremia

But, a banned Poster would have to use a new name? Isn't that tbe case?
Would the Admins not notice that the same email was being used?

It’s very easy to set up a new mail address, and I do it regularly for any catalogues etc, which is what forums go on.

Until something is reported.

Cardamom

I think that, on a day to day basis, they probably are "happy and healed" DiamondLily but something triggers her, maybe in her daily life or maybe seeing a post in the estrangement forum that she lurks on. I've read her posts on another forum; one that was mentioned upthread, and her anger and misery is as raw today as it was when she was a regular poster here. She seems mainly able to cope with her emotions by venting to other like minded estranged "adult children", but that doesn't help her cope with her feelings of rejection from getting banned from here. She's furious that she no longer has a legitimate voice to preach to you all about your perceived failings as parents so she comes back, over and over again, fully aware that she'll be banned yet again, but for the brief time that she's able to post, she feels visible again. Ignoring her posts would be good but I appreciate that it's difficult when she's at her most destructive and inflammatory. Poor woman; she's really not well.

Well, yes, I see that. But if someone, anyone, about any issue, requires continuous counselling/medication/to express anger/pods/forums etc telling them they are justified, then they are not really happy or healed. . 🤷‍♀️

I just accept that life has many challenges, stresses, grief phases, etc.

If you can change it, then do it.

If you can’t, then live with it. The past is done. The future is what you choose to do with it.

As so many on here do. Despite their hurt, they have built happy lives. As it should be. 👍

Festering around past issues only hurts the person that is constantly thinking about it. 🤷‍♀️

When my late DH was literally days from dying, I was sobbing all over him, telling him I just couldn’t go on.

His exact words were “ of course you can, you dopey tart. Do what you do best - look for the joy, the love, and the laughter. Look to the light.”

I realise that this wasn’t the typical end of life deathbed scenario, 🙄 but that’s how we were, that how we connected with each other, always with a laugh , and that’s how we ended. 👍

And, in their own way, they were wise words. 😉

Same here DL. My DH said travel, make the best life you can. Good job he never saw what d subsequently did to me. He wouldn't have stood for all the nonsense I did,. I had had the worst loss and couldn't face any more.

Hi all - just to say that I haven’t posted on this thread, it was someone ‘hijacking’ my username by omitting one letter. I see that they have been deleted by admin anyway, so thank you to them.

Oh yes you're right stillawipp, as if it isn't bad enough that they come here just to upset posters, they hijack someone else's name to do it .

His words were wise DL and he'll be so proud of you x

Thanks for the information GNs.
The Thread seems calm now.