Forums for estranged adult children

All any of us non abusive parents can hope for is to be good enough.

IssendaiAcolyte

DiamondLily

IssendaiAcolyte

Whiff

I feel like a wiser, more mature approach would be to take those situations as an opportunity to self-reflect, since children don't really cut off their parents or make such jokes for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

Instead of choosing to focus on the fact they didn't know your husband or that the joke was vile, maybe ask yourself "Am I so horrible to be around that they would even think such things?" (since they may not have known your husband, but they did know you I'm guessing).

Instead of choosing to think that your son is a coward, maybe ask yourself "Am I so difficult to talk to that my own son couldn't tell me this in person?"

I have an inkling of a feeling that you don't consider your brother's suggestion to "bitch slap the wife and set your [adult] son straight" was totally out of line. That may be your first clue as to why they chose to cut contact over text rather than in person.

I don't know you as well your son and daughter in law do, but I can already tell they had their reasons.

So, you seriously think that posting those things, to a widow, was acceptable by the DIL involved?

That says all we need up know about this thread. 🙄

Ok, the daughter-in-law didn't post those things TO the widow, she posted those things ABOUT the widow.

It's worth wondering why the daughter-in-law felt that way about her recently widowed mother-in-law. I don't think she would say such a joke if their relationship was purely sunshine & rainbows.

Maybe, but anyone understanding spousal bereavement, and the trauma it causes, might have found it a nicer thing not to behave that way.

Kindness, like good manners, costs nothing. 🙄

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How could she possibly know IA, she never met Whiff's husband so has no idea what he and his marriage to Whiff was like and if she was told anything by Whiff's son, that would be hear say wouldn't it and not even true.

The truth is no one really knows what goes on in a marriage, it's how you feel being in their company that matters, there are ways of doing things. I got on with both my mil's and dil and sil and was still estranged. Only my daughter knows why.
If I had felt I couldn't be round that person I think I would have gone low contact but not have expected others to follow suit.

IA you must really have a hard on for me .
My daughter in laws parents abandoned her when she was 18 and buggered off to the country or hers and dad's birth taking her siblings with them . I was the one whose held when she cried for her mom and siblings . I was always there for both couples .
My daughter in law trolled on GN and posed as nan and said her grandson read something on Reddit that sounded like me daughter in law. There was a link . I was very ill at the time and staying with my daughter and family while work was done on my bungalow. Normally I never press links but the physical pain I was in clouded my judgement. She has been writing for over a year .

After my husband died not only did I have my grief and that of my children. Plus my own disabilities. Had both parents and mother in law to look after. When my son brought her home to met me I was happy he found someone. As the years when by I treated her as my own . But my daughter and her hated eachother on sight.

I had put up with crap from my daughter in law for years and my son letting me down but I put up with it as I lived over 100 miles away and couldn't move until my mom died.
Both couples wanted me to live closer .

You have a warped mind when parents say they don't know why we get estranged you choose not to believe us. You must be so🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆 unhappy in your life you find sport in trying to hurt others .
But you have failed time and time again on this thread. You are the saddo loser here. Shows how your are only happy when you want to hurt others.

Need to try harder with me. Like many I have all tee shirts but am still living my life to the full without estranged children in it .

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IA did a search on you your first post was 6th before that no where on GN . I suspect you are a banned poster back.
My daughter in law and daughter never got on but while my daughter never slagged her off in my presence. My daughter in law always slagged my daughter off in my presence after she married my son . But I bite my tongue as I lived 100 miles away until getting towards 7 years ago.

I have only called my son a cruel coward on GN because he has never had the guts to face me since his email in May 2020. He should have told me to my face 4 days before when can to see me on my birthday. That's how we do things in our family you have a problem with some one you face them. My son not only estranged me and his sister but she didn't care as I didn't know they hadn't spoken for 5 years only when I was with them all. But he has estranged all our side of the family.

And I really don't care if you think my story doesn't add up . Those long timers on GN know me and my experiences on various topics as I only write about things I have experienced first hand.

So according to you I am a difficult person to be around . Love to know how. Some on GN have meet me in person and regularly see 2 every month . Have to ask them if I am a difficult person. I already know the answer .

You are a waste of space so my last post to you as will never see anything other than your view. And your attitude estranged parents get what they deserve.

There have been many posters like you . Funny enough it's always the Estrangement threads they attack . And there will be many more after you disappear.

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You accuse and criticise Whiff of expressing vitriol and yet support EAC if they do the same with their parents IA. It was 'OK' for her d.i.l. to write what she did because Whiff wouldn't read it. The same should apply to her saying her son is a cruel coward.

You posted earlier on this thread that your bias is for EAC but that didn't need to be stated because it's obvious from what you say. Would you ever suggested that an EAC is fabricating their story? I suspect that an honest answer to that would be 'no' as it should be, but that should also apply to Whiff.

Whiff is well known here on GN and not just on the estrangement forum. You are not but are responded too respectfully and not judged because you are an estranger.

These threads are an opportunity for experiences, opinions and feelings to be shared and it's a shame when they risk being disrupted by unnecessary and unpleasant comments.

You have chosen not to give details of your own estrangement which is of course your decision but even if you have no empathy or understanding for the EP's posting here, at the very least you should have respect their courage for sharing their pain, rather than dismissing it as fabrication.

You try to come across as someone with not just experience of estrangement but also knowledge, but the later appears to be sadly lacking.

GNs we are not obliged to respond to every post and every Poster.

Sorry to read everything you have been through Whiff and wouldn't judge you for the language either.

It really is ok to express yourself however you need in a safe space.

I dislike all this judgement from strangers to strangers. Especially those who have clearly been through a hard time in life. Would a person be so apt to swear or name call if they hadn't had to find ways to be stronger? If life hadn't taught them to be hard and defensive?

People shouldn't judge so easily by these things. We all have different upbringings and experiences. The language isn't what matters, it is what is being expressed.

We are all here for you Whiff, this personal targetting by cruel posters is not on, debate , dicussion is fine, but when it becomes personal is awful, pleased to see the posts have been deleted.

Hello Bridey, nice to see you .

It's good those posts have been removed. Thank you GNHQ.

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If we wanted to know what's on those sites we would go on and read them stillawip; I don't so I don't and TBH I don't think things said there should be posted here on this estrangement forum.

We've had this in the past and it always resulted in causing unnecessary distress and hurt as well as derailing threads, in fact the majority of threads where this happened ended up being removed.

For your information apparently the poster IssendaiAcolyte as well as having numerous posts deleted has also been banned, so I think we've had enough don't you?

I just want to add that comments have been made about the toxic nature of some of these EAC forums and language used but no one here has hurled personal insults at any of the EAC doing so.

TBH I'm rather shocked that you felt it appropriate to put those here.

Removed by GNHQ - quotes a deleted post by a banned poster.

I read a few posts, but they were awful, just so toxic, that I found it quite disturbing. It is very sad that it is so common now. It demonstrates very little of positivity. Being a generally positive person I didn't feel I could handle the level of toxicity, and hatred directed towards their mothers. Very draining, so I swiftly left it.

Just realised that it's blatantly obvious who is being referred too; what on earth were you thinking? What an awful thing to do.

That's why I don't read them StTrinians and is why they shouldn't be on here.

What is the point of any of this? I was confused the moment I saw the title and look what it has led too.

There was nothing wrong with the title or the OP InRainbows and the only reason it has led to this is because of how some have chosen to respond.