How often should you see Grandparents

If I didn't make the effort I'd never see my Gran kids! We have to go there as they very rarely visit! Makes me feel so sad but just have to accept it as nothing changes. They hardly come to us your mil should be grateful!!

I don't even see my dgs once a month as lives over 110 miles away and my dd works so I can't go down in week unless dgs is ill and I go and stay over for childcare. My dd will be on maternity leave in Sept and I can't wait as I will see her and dgd every week then.

I took the children to see my mum, he took the children to see his mum. Not sure why you go to his mums and he does not go to yours?

Every polite person makes an appointment before visits. I fear your MIL is not being truthful about her friends habits.

Once a week is plenty. It really depends on individual family circumstances. Don’t sleep
Over it just do what’s best for you and yours. X

I see my DGSs on a very ad hoc basis, I moved to be closer to DD after I was widowed. I live about 10 miles away, if I'm meeting friends in DD's Town I ask her if they're going to be in, I would never just turn up.

DD has a busy life with DGS1 who is 8, School, After School Clubs & swimming. DGS2 has just turned 1 & DD's OH is disabled. DD does come over to see me with DGS's & her OH but they also have lots of friends. DH & I lived 180 miles away when DGS1 was born but moved 70 miles away when DGS1 was 18 months old so we didn't see lots of the family.

Other set of GPs rarely visit although DD does try & go once a month but GPs have little interest in DGSs.

The how long is a piece of string is a very apt, any arrangements should be what suits you as Parents, you seem to have got the balance right, things change as GC get older too

Once a week sounds about right. The difficulty arises with having two sets of grandparents as you can't cut yourself in half. If I'd had children I think I would have tried to alternate between one and t'other if both were an equal distance away.
You can't please them all, can you?

Febmummaofaboy we see our grandchildren on 'average' of once a week - sometimes we see them several times in one week, others we don't see them at all. It's all a matter of what suits you and your life, not your MiL!

I don't think there are any hard or fast rules here. In and of themselves, "too much" or "not enough" are very subjective qualifiers...... they vary from individual to individual and from family to family. Distance can be a deterrent to frequency or duration. Even short, infrequent visits however, can be meaningful and satisfying in a healthy relationship.

Two of my grandchildren live over a thousand miles away....We visit once or twice a year at best and they all come out to us once a year in July or August, when they are on school holiday. We 'Facetime' often and I talk on the phone with my youngest daughter almost every day.

Our other daughter (the oldest) is only an hour away. We talk on the phone about once a week or even less. Texting has become her preferred means of communication. My twin grandchildren are so busy these days, that when we visit them, a twin 'sighting' would be a more apt description.

When they all come to our place (about once every other month or even less), we have lovely visits with daughter and SIL, but the twins spend most of the time watching TV or playing with their iPhones. They get bored, which is to be expected.....after all, they're teenagers now!

It's hard to generalise. Every family is different. I mainly see my family about once a week. And I have a golden rule, - never visit unannounced.

My daughter and sil live about 15-20mins away. My gc is almost 1 yr old. I see quite a bit of them, sometimes for pleasure, sometimes for babysitting. They know I am here if and when they need or want me. I'm widowed and my time is my own so I can fit in with their requirements. We all get on extremely well and never put pressure on each other so our relationship is great. I'm definitely one of the lucky ones.

I have 2 sons with children abroad so it is once or twice a year. My step daughters live around the corner and we see them a few times a week for chats, school pick ups, take the little ones out for a couple of hours etc and it is similar with their inlaws, no unannounced visits though.
Every single situation is different, thats life, it cant be equalled out in any way.
My overseas inlaws obviously see more of the grandchildren but thats hardly their fault, just circumstances, Ive made peace with myself about it!

Our family is not one for sitting around in each other's houses. We live in different towns. I see them enough to keep in touch and as they are all teenagers now I don’t suppose it will change. This doesn't bother me at all, they are healthy and doing well at school.
I didn't live in the same town an my GPs. We made occasional journeys by train or two buses. I remember being handed over like a parcel in Barnsley Bus station, so I must have spent time with both sets of GPs. but it was never a once a week thing.

We see 3 of our 5 grandchildren several times a week. We often have the older ones overnight or when my dd is working and I pick them up from school at least once a week. The youngest is brought round by his dad (my ss) several times a week and sometimes they come round as a family and we spend time together and maybe have a take away on a Saturday night. The other two live a bit (but not much) further away and we don't see that much of them. I think it's because it always seems to be left up to us to make the arrangements and their parents rarely invite us over, but we should probably make more effort. I also think it's because we spend a lot of time with my mother in law, who is rather tactless and makes comments which upset my sd. Of course with the stepchildren they have other grandparents to consider as well as us, as well as in laws, so that's a lot to consider.

Your mil reeks of entitlement. She should be happy you see her once a week. I would never visit mine without my husband present. I see my family about 2-3 times a week while on my year mat leave. I see mil maybe twice a month? That’s only when my husband can be bothered to make plans with her.

Do what works best for YOU and YOUR nuclear family.

Back in the game I see with an entirely predictable response.
My SIL popped in not long ago on his way back from London, just to say Hello, have a cuppa and see I was all right.
If you work at a good relationship instead of “rights” and “wrongs” and strict quotas, that is what builds families and extended families.

Some are just not interested in building families or good family relationships MawBroon.
Some just like shooting poisoned arrows instead of being helpful and constructive.

So....just because another dil out there can tolerate her mil a few times a week...it means OP must do the same?

If the relationship was good, op would have her over regularly without even needing to bring anything up. It clearly isn’t that type of relationship and mil making demands isn’t helping. In fact, it probably makes things worse.

Here we go again!

Now, getting your own thread removed is one thing, but getting someone else’s removed is another.

Perhaps in fairness to OP, leave this one alone, in case she ever comes back to it?

Well said muffinthemoo

Muffin. Mamacaz. What about my comment was inappropriate?

The answer? Nothing.

Just because a post contradicts your perception of the perfect mil, doesn’t mean it is inappropriate.

Perhaps being more open minded would do you some good?

Ha ha ha, so funny.

There are no rules. We just muddle along with what works in all our different lives. Grandparents may not insist on time with their grandchildren. Co-operate rather than demand, explain your hopes and willingness to host your grandchildren for afternoon games or sleepovers. If you are wanted in your grandchildren's lives, rejoice; if you are not, consider where you went wrong.

I realise that we are indeed blessed, as we see our granddaughter frequently during the week. We look after her at least twice a week and DIL often pops in if she is passing.
I only ever saw my gran once a year and she was a stranger, whom I was terrified of. (A very severe old Irish granny, always dressed in black.)
We have the kind of relationship, where if we sense if DIL is needing a break ,( DGD is often poorly), we pop in to give her a wee break or my son pops down to visit with her if DIL is working on a Saturday. No need to warn in advance.
I do realise that it is not like that for many people.