Grandchildren very badly behaved

I may be mistaken but am imagining you are a younger mum hithere, who thinks older people should have the same energy and patience they had 30 or 40 years ago to look after small children. They don’t.
You have already asked the question about what it is they do, but they are hard to handle and that’s the point.

As for ‘background on this board’ why the need to bring up previous posts?

The main issue here is that badly behaved is very vague.

What are the expectations that OP has for her GC?

Some examples of real life experiences would be needed to examine if gc behave their age or they need correction and yes, 3 kids would exhaust anybody, no matter the age.

One issue she mentions is picky eating, which is very normal in kids that age.

Kids are usually easier to handle if you are realistic with their life and age milestones and what they can handle.

Why background is important? Self explanatory, isn't it?

Chocolatelovinggran

I do some childcare but three difficult small children is far too much. Might I suggest "developing" a minor medical problem, necessitating a period of rest being prescribed, then a very gradual, very limited return to any caring duties.

Brilliant! No one can prove you haven’t developed a bad back (sciatica)
I have a bad back and I make sure people know about it if it’s playing up👍

Disobedience, defiance, no respect for poster’s house or property. Surely that is clear. enough? I can imagine rudeness and tantrums, shouting and screaming thrown into the mix. Unacceptable.
These are not our children but our children’s children and they are responsible for their children’s care, and behaviour.
If we help, and most do willingly, we save parents thousands of £££s but if our children allow their children to behave badly without correction then their gran is entitled to reduce her caregiving because of exhaustion, especially as she is on her own. 6, 4 and 2 year olds are hard work together, even if they behave perfectly.

The background about the posters husband is surely irrelevant. .

The bad back is a good idea if you don’t want to be as honest as perhaps you feel able to be. NJAPF.

Hithere
????

Just wondering if their father is in the picture and could you speak to him about their behaviour surely he isn’t as lax as your daughter, if not like others have suggested I would be unwell for a short spell and see how she copes without you, do you have any other AC that could speak to her about their concerns that it’s hard for you to cope as you are getting older.

I'd be telling them that they're too much for you to look after, alternative childcare is needed 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Grandparents should be there for the fun bits - not a childcare option.

lizzypopbottle

Do you feed them? In your situation I would at least make sure they have no sugar, sweets, chocolate, white carbs, jam, cakes etc. Not even fruit to start with! Sugar will make them worse. If they object, too bad. Don't buy it and don't give in. Wholemeal cheese sandwiches or toast are OK. Hide remotes for the TV and lock other screens away. When they realise you mean what you say they might modify their behaviour and you can discuss rewards for good behaviour. I'd also consider (sounds drastic) putting locks on the doors of rooms you don't want them to enter! See how they like that!
They might start refusing to come though 😂😂😂

Prettyface has said she feeds them, but did you know that there is absolutely no evidence that sugar affects children’s behaviour?

I think I would be inclined to say now that I am struggling with their ‘boisterous’ behaviour, and would like her to make other arrangements for,say, after Christmas. You never know, she may just address the behaviour.

Do you think that your DD may be completely unaware that you’re struggling? It makes me smile when I hear ’Oh Mum loves having them’ now I’m Nana myself.
I think you should be completely honest with her BUT selective. Please don’t feign illness or attack your DD because of her children’s behaviour (she will see it that way). She knows you are under pressure so tell her due to current circumstances you are finding childcare difficult and tiring. Ask to sit down to talk to her about solutions and work on building a relationship based on trust and honesty. Perhaps she knows of after school club provision - this can be govt assisted financially. Perhaps the older child can attend Beavers or a sport club, maybe with a friend from school. DD might be able to change or condense her hours if she has a supportive employer so she can pick them up more. Or you might think of somewhere to take them occasionally which doesn’t make extra work for you, such as soft play or an indoor play area which provides kids meals. A minimum would be to look after them at their home with their own toys.
Maybe also try to change your reaction to change the atmosphere. For instance I joke that I might as well take food from the fridge and throw it in the bin as cook it for DGC. Wasting food really winds me up so it took me a long time to joke about it! But now I follow doctor’s advice and give them what they want, even if that’s toast or pizza every day, and don’t invest any effort in it. If they had a good breakfast or a good lunch I reckon that’s enough.
So, as long as they’re safe. don’t worry about mess in their home, you can leave it behind when you go home. Let them play outside, or cuddle up with a book or the TV if they’re tired, and diffuse the tension. School and nursery are very structured so they need to relax and let off steam. Reduce your expectations to a minimum, they are very young after all, and please don’t compare your GC to other respondents’ perfectly-behaved GC . We don’t know your family’s circumstances, and you are obviously having a difficult time, so make life as easy as you can and team up with your DD to find some ways to make everyone’s life easier. Little changes can have a big impact.

… and could you take the dog a good long walk before you go to their house so you can leave it sleeping at home?

I have a really mean granddaughter R. (only 4). Worried she will grow up to be a mean adult. Her parents (my son and DIL) really do struggle with her, but the person who suffers most is her sister M. who is a saint. I walk away when she is mean to me but I really want to punish her somehow. Parents these days are so understanding and forgiving. It's sort of the gentle parenting approach. This is all very good and emotionally intelligent. But sometimes you need a firm approach - I am more of the opinion that a bit of old-fashioned 'training' can be more effective for bad behaviour.

With my 2 Grandsons (6 and 3) when I look after them when they are together - I pick my battles. If they are behaving like demented puppies I turn the other cheek (so to speak) and ignore. But I do try and mange specific things like getting them to bed, more or less on time. The trouble is that these days you can't threaten them or slap them...which is good but it does make managing their behaviour much more difficult IMHO. A really loud voice/command does work well though. The other things that strangely works with little boys is things like: I bet you can't get up the stairs quicker than me, type tricks. Also count-downs seem to work to doing something. These last two even work with the grand daughters! And distraction /funny things seem to work with little boys.