Deep rift with my DD over grandchildren s behaviour

Esmay

Parenting has changed enormously and parents are aware that unkind comments said to children are not the way forward.

Our generation had Grandparents with Victorian /Edwardian standards and I think that many of us were brought up very strictly as a result.

Looking back,my parents were negligent but I realise that they had their own issues.

I was very grateful to my Grandmother for bringing me up.
It caused tensions and jealousy on the part of my Mother.
I did what Grandma told me to .
There was no question of being rude or disobedient.

You are tired at 10.00 pm at night and I don't know what your daughter's situation is. The last thing that she wants to hear is her daughter complaining about you.

Try to smooth things over and make another date - life is too short.

My grandparents were loving and kind and never said anything nasty to us. Not all grandparents were the same back then. I always think one day I won't be here and I hope my Grandchildren remember me with as much love as I have for mine.

Sago

Is it just me?………calling any child a brat makes me shudder.

Vile isn't it.

Netherbyg84

I'm so sorry you had such an unkind response from people on this forum;
we can all snap under pressure and what you said to the 5 year old is not going to affect her as much as some imply, especially as the mother has no doubt given her endless reassurances that she is not a horrible child.

Well it bothered her enough to tell her mother about it the next day. Yes we can all snap but we are adults and should admit it and discuss the issue like adults. If OP can't cope with babysitting she needs to be grown up and admit it.

Cressida

Gentle parenting shouldn't lead to children calling the shots but it seems that in many cases that's what the parents allow to happen.

From what has been said about this particular situation I imagine that instead of creating an enjoyable bedtime routine at an age appropriate time the parent has allowed the child to decide when to go to bed thus creating a battlefield for NJAPF

How can anyone expect a child to behave if no-one has taught them what good behaviour is.

I think people confuse gentle parenting with permissive parenting. I like the first but not the second.

theworriedwell

Sago

Is it just me?………calling any child a brat makes me shudder.

Vile isn't it.

You were clearly neither of you “army brats ” 🤣🤣

To me there is a difference, army brats is a saying often in fun and not a personal attack. I've got eight GC, I've had difficult times doing childcare but if never call the brats because I love them.

RosiesMawagain

theworriedwell

Sago

Is it just me?………calling any child a brat makes me shudder.

Vile isn't it.

You were clearly neither of you “army brats ” 🤣🤣

Some can be little sh*ts sometimes.

Allira

RosiesMawagain

theworriedwell

Sago

Is it just me?………calling any child a brat makes me shudder.

Vile isn't it.

You were clearly neither of you “army brats ” 🤣🤣

Some can be little sh*ts sometimes.

Or Navy brats!!
😁

Notjustaprettyface

I accept that but sheets defiant , rude and nasty
I was tired , it was 10pm + and I dont regret saying it , I think children nowadays need to hear some home truths
As long as there’s no physical violence, it can’t do them harm but if u feel u can’t help , that’s fine , u dont need to reply
Thank u

Absolutely correct.

Yes my family is navy. My dad was no nonsense but he never called us brats or horrible. Or even shits! He'd have gone mad if anyone else did but he'd also have told us off for bad behaviour.

Notjustaprettyface

Well it seems nobody has understood my plea for help
Never mind
I will not apologise to a 5 year old who doesn’t accept authority
She has been badly brought up and that’s the end of that
I fear my Dd will regret her soft parent approach in years to come
Children should be obedient
So I won’t thank u for your help
Once more , this forum disappoints

I totally agree with you, we are all seeing the outcome of ‘gentle’ parenting.

I always find it quite funny when a poster gives you permission not to post. Like it's up to them.

Menopauselbitch once again I think you are confusing gentle and permissive parenting. Gentle parenting does not mean children aren't corrected and allowed to run wild.

theworriedwell

Yes my family is navy. My dad was no nonsense but he never called us brats or horrible. Or even shits! He'd have gone mad if anyone else did but he'd also have told us off for bad behaviour.

No, nor us, neither did I.
Although I'm sure I and my DC could be at times.

But 'brat' is a well-known term for Service children. It is not meant in derogatory way.

Yes that's why I think calling a particular child a brat isn't the same as the generic army brats.

I overheard a neighbour telling his four year old son he was a horrible little boy. I was quite shocked to be honest. You should tell children their behaviour is horrible. Not them.

I totally agree with you, we are all seeing the outcome of ‘gentle’ parenting
No! Permissive parenting maybe. Gentle parenting is a completely different thing and likely to mean we see happy polite and socially aware children!!

I’m confused OP…….are you miffed that more GNetters haven’t supported your original comments?

Children are more likely to dwell on granny or grandad or indeed anyone saying something hurtful in anger to them if that has been their only interaction with that person

Perhaps such naughtiness can be reaction to a previous experience of being babysat by someone who they don’t respect and who hasn’t shown them any affection ever.

Children need a balance of love, affection sympathy, kindness, a sense of humour even to cope with occasional grumpy outbursts of a tired grandparent.

I slightly suspect that Mum was a tad annoyed that at least one off her offspring might be difficult to palm off on Grandma and could therefore curtail mums freedom to go anywhere without resorting to friends/payed carers.

Good grief Granmarderby your post bears no relation to the OP.

Notjustaprettyface

Well it seems nobody has understood my plea for help
Never mind
I will not apologise to a 5 year old who doesn’t accept authority
She has been badly brought up and that’s the end of that
I fear my Dd will regret her soft parent approach in years to come
Children should be obedient
So I won’t thank u for your help
Once more , this forum disappoints

Apologies, all can't agree with you.

Good luck getting on with your daughter.

How so Smileless2012?
to summarise notjustaprettyface’s op: she babysat her 3 grandchildren in their own home,
2 were fractious and one a 5 year old was playing up and refusing to get in bed until late.
Op was tired and lost her temper and said she was a “horrible little girl”. Girl told her Mum. Mum felt “let down”.
Grandma is upset and hurt too because her daughter just didn’t turn up for the cinema trip, and didn’t bother to call and tell her.

theworriedwell

Netherbyg84

I'm so sorry you had such an unkind response from people on this forum;
we can all snap under pressure and what you said to the 5 year old is not going to affect her as much as some imply, especially as the mother has no doubt given her endless reassurances that she is not a horrible child.

Well it bothered her enough to tell her mother about it the next day. Yes we can all snap but we are adults and should admit it and discuss the issue like adults. If OP can't cope with babysitting she needs to be grown up and admit it.

It bothered her enough to tell her mother next day or she's a clever little brat who told tales to get her mother on her side and knows perfectly well that there is a problem between mother and grandmother.
I wonder what the mother tells people about her own mother in the child's hearing?!
I also wonder about the state of behaviour in our schools, teachers leaving in droves because of it. Could it be something to do with the lengths children feel they can go and the adults are required to be sweet and ever so nice.
Adults have feelings too, along with ageing, tiredness, illness and other problems and children need to learn a bit of respect, however young they are.
Sometimes this site is so endlessly full of 'wise' advice and lovely, well meaning posts, but we all have a dark side...and not accepting that with a bit of self awareness is the beginning of intolerance and being judgmental.

Notjustaprettyface

Well it seems nobody has understood my plea for help
Never mind
I will not apologise to a 5 year old who doesn’t accept authority
She has been badly brought up and that’s the end of that
I fear my Dd will regret her soft parent approach in years to come
Children should be obedient
So I won’t thank u for your help
Once more , this forum disappoints

Children should be obedient
They're not always, though, are they!
Especially when tired.

Once more , this forum disappoints
I assume you've asked for help previously but have been disappointed in the responses.
Have you ever thought that, if the majority disagree with you, it might be time to have a re-think about your responses to situations and whether or not you are taking on too much, consequently becoming tired and stressed?

I mean this kindly.

Granatlast007 what a vile way to describe a five year old child.