moving on after bereavement

Learner I didn't want to say anything about coping with the funeral before the event, but I found I wafted through J's funeral as if on a high. It was 2 weeks after his death, a time during which I had to battle the Procurator Fiscal's office, the police and our GP surgery so I was mentally and physically exhausted so I found the day of the funeral a big relief. There were so many people to talk to all of whom had so much to say about J. The family all wellied in and did what was right at the reception afterwards and it was a time of celebration and thanks. However, after being on a roll for that time, there is always the 'coming back to earth' feeling and having to get to grips with reality - like paying the bills and sorting out the never-ending paperwork, and eventually the family have to go home to their own everyday lives, so just you keep posting on GN and we will all get through this together. It's true, GN is a big, comforting all-enveloping sisterhood and I am still gaining comfort from it as you will too.

I echo what everyone else has said so well. Bereavement has a momentum of its own, and there are some days when I turn to Gransnet as a source of familiarity and comfort. Have a peaceful day, everyone

When my lovely step-mum died a couple of years ago, we had a private family service and then a week or two later a remembrance service in the village church which was an almost joyous occasion, with family members, neighbours and friends sharing memories etc. and it was just a lovely tribute to a lovely lady.

I am so glad the funeral for your DH went smoothly and that you coped, with the help of family and friends. Take care of yourself in the weeks and months to come, try not to be too strong - let others help you and look after you

Learner I'm so glad you got through the funeral and you were able to talk about Dh.
You can say things on here whenever you feel the need, and that is worth a lot. Take care of yourself now, don't try to be too strong, just let it all happen one day at a time.

Greatnan Your post at 09.59 yesterday really struck a chord with me

My husband died of cancer in January 2007. I hate living alone, and yet I don't want to live with anyone if that makes sense. The only person I want to live with is gone. I hate my life now, trying to sell my place and move nearer my family, maybe that will help. Sometimes I feel like I'm just passing the time.

Sorry to sound so pessimistic, but that's how I feel.

Peaches ((((hugs))))
Hope you get to make the move soon.
I'm sure other GNs will be able to offer better advice than I can.... but have you tried joining a group, be it Cruse or the W.I. there's lots out there. I know you may not feel like it but once you take the first step life may improve for you. Good luck!

Learnergran, I've just listened to the music link that you put on. I feel quite emotional and just want to say that all you've been through over the last few days, you haven't gone through alone. Keep coming to us. xx

Peaches, I want to put a metaphorical arm round your shoulder, but here' s a ((((hug)))). You do sound as if you are terribly depressed - at the bottom of a pit there's no way out of - and I wonder if you have spoken to your family about the way you really feel. And have you any friends left from the days of your happiness? Friends you can talk to? You have some here and now that you have told us about it, I hope you will be able to keep on putting it into words.

Peaches, we can only offer our sympathy and the hope that things will get better once you are nearer to your family. I like living alone, but I am used to it. My sister, who is 75, has joined two afternoon clubs near her home and they have lots of outings, speakers, craft days, etc. Is there anything near you that you could consider?
If you give us an idea of your area, there may be other members who could meet you for a coffee (not me, unfortunately, unless you fancy a trip to France.)

hello Peaches as OP have there is virtual supprot here on GN and lots have actualy met up, so maybe one day !

Peaches

Peaches If we could change the way you're feeling, we most surely would. I think that living closer to your family would be a step in the right direction. Please stay with us and share your sorrow. We'll be here to share in your future celebrations too.

so pleased that you found comfort with the family and thanks for sharing tha t music link, it was lovely, my computer actually behaved and played it, been playing up lately.

It will be hard especially with run up to xmas but we are all here to support ou.

Learner - so glad that you got through the day so well and that the funeral was a fitting tribute for you to look back on with satisfaction of a job well done. Keep us posted.

Peaches - so hard for you. Lots of good suggestions on here; and lots of gnetters who understand your current situation who will be happy to advise and support at any time.

Peaches I hate living alone as well, particularly when things go wrong and I have to cope. On the other hand I really would not like to live with someone else. Being disabled does not help. I get round it by working 3-4 days a week , but now at almost 68 I'm finding it rather tiring and DD has told me I ought to stop or cut down.
I'm thinking about it. I suspect I'll still be thinking about it when I'm 72 and have to retire. Only the ministry of justice could insist on an age defined retirement.

Thanks for all your messages of support. I think my problem in overcoming his loss is that we were at school together, married young, and had 52 years of happy marriage and companionship together, and I can't, just can't seem to move on. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. I was the one who got cancer 10 years ago, ovarian cancer, Stage III, prognosis very poor, 25% chance of survival. Amazingly I DID survive, albeit rather battered. He, on the other hand, never had a day's illness in his life apart from usual colds etc. Never been in hospital. And like a bolt from the blue, 5 months after diagnosis, he was dead. And now I just feel so lost. Sorry.

Don't say sorry peaches - really no need at all.
We can all understand how you are feeling - hopefully those gnetters who have been in the situation will be able to help you to cope and tell how they managed to move on.

Dear Learnergran, I've listened to the link - it moved me to tears. Thinking of you x

Oh, peaches, keep coming back to tell us how you feel. There is usually someone around to give you a bit of love and support. Naturally you feel bereft after all that time together.

Learner hope you are ok today. A day of anti-climax I think.

A friend, whose husband died about 6 weeks ago, says it's the paperwork that gets her down, although it gives her something to do.

Peaches I know how you feel, because I too feel that I am not living, but just passing the time until my life catches up with me again. It was in April that I lost my dear husband to cancer after 49 years together, and I too had a brush with it a few years ago. Sometimes I feel that it was meant to be me, but then I escaped. I am just glad that he is not the one left alone - I think he would not have coped as well as I do.

I look on this as a period of convalescence, when you must rest to recover and then do a little at a time, pushing yourself a bit but not feeling guilty when you must pause and spoil yourself. I hope you have good friends you can talk to. Gransnet is wonderful when you just want to let it all out

Elegran People like you make Gransnet special.

Elegran, I echo soop's comment. xx

A friend said something very perceptive. she said it is not just that you have lost him, but that he is not there to talk about it with.

Elegran I'm lost for the right words. It's Mrsoop's birthday tomorrow. I shall give him the warmest of hugs. In fact, I'll do so right now.

elegran {{{hugs}}}