I thought it was relevant and interesting icanhandthemback.
Thank you for supportive thoughts above. I am waiting for counselling with local agency, but have researched NPD a great deal and looked back over the last 7 months apart after 11 years together and understood a lot.
As I met him at 60 and am now 71 and have children by a previous marriage I feel more fortunate than those writing here where there are children involved or you are making decisions about parents of siblings where you have to worry about the ramification of decisions where there are "knock on" effects.
Looking back I think, "how could I could not have seen this!!!!! I'm an old 70's feminist!!! But in the early stages of a coercive relationship they make you feel amazing, adored, until - if you are vulnerable - you are hooked and believe you cant live without them. Then you ignore signs and signals until eventually events happen which cause a crisis - in my case, police involved, locks changed, arrests for abuse etc.
But you see, when it came down to it, tho I have a good relationship with his very elderly mum...it doesn't drag down a whole lot of family along with my separation and contact decisions tho until I'm divorced there are many threats and stresses from time to time.